Behind the Clouds of Confusion

What is the aim of each thought? What is the aim of each intention? For what do we reach? Where is all of this going? What lies behind each feeling, each emotion? What is the final destination of each opportunity that presents itself in our lives? What lies behind every road and pathway? What song is being sung that we may faintly hear? Who is singing? 

Before all beginnings..
Where do I find myself..?
Before anything can begin?
Who am I?..

Have I ever departed this place?
Have I ever taken any step?
Who sings in the deep? 
Who is singing to me now?
What song is being sung? 
Can I hear it in my heart?

Whose voice is that of Spirit?
Whose voice is that which calls me?
What does it ask?
What is it asking?
Who am I?|
Truly who am I?

What gifts does the Lord offer?
From him, what may I receive?

All that we have is given by Him and truly is He, unborn. What we see before us is the unborn infinite kingdom of God. His dwelling behind all things. What we call our own, what we call the many belongs to no individual, and cannot be parceled up. The world we believe we live in, has no life of it's own, the part we play in it does not come from our own soul, but from the soul of God. This play of an infinite array of forms is an image projected from the transcendental mind of God. This is why when we attempt to hold onto things by our own power, they eventually disappear. This universe is not sustained by any universal substance, it is sustained by the transcendental power of God, that is His being. God appears to descend into the reality of the multitude where it appears that He sustains it by His power. In this appearance is everything that we call our own lives. The truth is that this reality has no real substance, so that there is no real substance as we know it. There is no real substance that is hidden that we can find in this reality which is not reality. Any substance we find here is illusory, this is why they say the world is sin. Reality lies beyond, or is seen by piercing through the experience of conditioned consciousness which in it's greatest scope is the entire universe of form, Reality is unconditioned Being, lying before, or after, or within, or outside of conditioned perception/consciousness, maya/sin/delusion/samsara/illusion. The truth is that reality is Reality, it doesn't become reality when we attain enlightenment, what we see as the conditioned formal universe is Reality, because reality is reality and Reality is what is real. The reality is that everything has always been Reality, even when we really really believe it is the very uncomfortable reality that we live in. Reality is bliss and being. This is what is real. It simply is how things are. Seeing this fairly clearly doesn't necessarily make the experience of reality go away. Nonetheless, I believe that Reality, bliss, being, is reality, is what is real, regardless of how we may feel about reality. This to me is the highest, most sublime truth, and this to me, is the realization that truly frees us from the very uncomfortable experience of reality that we know and dread. We dread reality because we are Reality. Our deepest wish is to express Reality fully, our human experience of reality in which we feel very very limited appears quite, and feels quite, contrary to this deepest truest place. Even so, this is it. Bliss, body, being...

Kingdom of Heaven

 The Kingdom of God is already fully established. It does not require anything from us. It is transcendentally established. Attaining enlightenment is realizing a fulfilledness that already exists, it is not truly adding anything to the quality of our being or to the universe, it is realizing the transcendent reality that simply is reality. Our personal beings experience a sense of gain and loss, of expansion of consciousness while Reality always simple is Reality. This is the truth behind, before, and that simply is. It appears to me now that all personal experience is relative truth that has it's truth in how we subjectively experience it, while lacking any substance outside of this subjective domain. It appears to me now that Reality is simply Reality, the transcendental, that truth is changeless, or beyond change, and the world of limited forms is a relative and temporary experience. The conclusion that comes to my mind from this is that among all forms, among all sentient beings, there is no higher, or lower, so that all effort for improvement is illusory and unnecessary, and the notion of self-attainment has no objective existence. 

It appears to me that the Kingdom of Heaven, is the transcendental intelligence of God that dwells forever beyond creation, the universe of limited forms, yet this universe of multiplicity is apart of the conscious intelligence of Reality. Illusion is a living part of Reality that appears as the multitude. It appears that this appearance, is equally, at least for the time being, Reality. That Reality is a formlessness that includes the pantheon expression of the formal universe. I think this is only true when one sees the transcendental kingdom of God clearly enough. For Truth is beyond limited conceptions, it is alive and known through direct intuitive perception. I think this is what makes life so magical. We can't fit it into a box and store it away. 

This being said, it appears to me now that the Kingdom of Heaven is literally a place beyond creation that we can reach within our minds, a place beyond that in the fullest truth includes the full universe of form. This is only true if it is clearly seen that the essence of form is Spirit, transcendental intelligence, and, that we are currently dwelling in the boundless mind of God. I think this makes creation just a wonderful miracle that we chance to experience. 

It appears to me that all of creation is a gem amid the infinite, a single island, in a sea of cosmic intelligence-being, and if you look away from your thoughts and out of your eyes, behold! The terrain of this island!!

The hand of God

 There is one will and one power in the universe. This is that of God. One hand in all things. One hand as all things. One movement, one power. This power is really infinity. Infinity is all things, and all things are infinity. This is infinity. At all times, this is infinity. Infinite space and infinite being. What we are, is this. What everything is, is this. There is not a thing, or a place that is not this. No where outside, no where do go inside. Nothing else but this. It holds itself together by what? Is it knowable? Is it not knowable? Can we ask any questions about it? Perhaps all we can do is recognize it. I know it does not belong to anything. It is perfectly contained in itself, a shape with what shape? Who can say? It is simply what is real and what is true. It appears that it can come and go, yet when it is apparent, it seems clear that it is always apparent, for it is how things are underneath all things. The hand that is moving even when it is not seen. The hand behind all movements that appear contrary to one another. Living swirling mist that is revealed as the nature of all form. I truly do not know if it can be known, or that if it sufficiently is an it. It seems to me that it is the sum total of everything that is equally nothing. The non-difference between existence and non-existence. Both of these seem to be limited conditioned perspectives, while if what we may call this truth is, is beyond and before conditioned. Completely beyond and, or, completely before all beginnings. Yet it cannot be viewed correctly as being separate from words, or ideas. For everything that is is equally as it as it is. All of this, the highs and the lows are it. There are no stopping points. It is spilling water that fills all gaps. Clinging. Feeling. Being. 

The power of the Lord

 Spirit has power to overcome any obstacle in the mind. Any trouble, any doubt, any fear. It can do this because all of these are illusions with no real power over the infinite incomparable power of Spirit. It is the greatest power in the universe by an infinite magnitude. Our hearts are truly anchored in it, as are our dreams. We need only to rest in it for all our wishes to be fully realized. Recognizing Spirit as supreme and allowing it it's true place in our hearts and our minds. Our ego is belief in limited power of our illusory perceptions which conjure the notion of a separate self embattled with the world. This doesn't mean that we give up self responsibility. It means we allow for a world to exist where we are directives of a higher power beyond our ordinary intelligence. Allowing this will and this intelligence to reign and recognizing ourselves as expressions and manifestations of it, those wholly dependent on it. We in truth can do nothing without the will of the Divine. Nothing done is not His or It's will. We find harmony in our lives by recognizing this reality of Divine Will. Thy Will Be Done. This is the real hidden nature of our lives and our Universe. Everything is His will, all of us are His subjects whose every move is His. This universe is really a play of His hand. Recognizing this is deliverance from the turmoil of existence among the multitude. For if God is good and Light. Then everything is God and good and Light. God's will is really infinitely wise and infinitely Good. Infinitely uplifting and wholly liberating. Moment to moment, in each and every moment. God's will is liberation from the perception that we are separate in a separated universe. It reveals what is here and now, things as they are. It ends the terror of separate-self experience by revealing the One behind and bearing all. The nature of existence is not limited, but infinite. The great lie is the reality of limited forms, not the reality of infinite being. The great truth is not that we are powerless, but that we are infinitely powerful. Infinitely capable. The Lord is thy Shepard through the illusion of a separate self-existence in a universe of limited and competing forms, and into the Kingdom of Heaven, the reality of Infinity as the undeniable sole reality of the universe. Within the chaos of samsara, the only true Guide is Christ, who carries the wisdom of the Father who art in Heaven beyond creation, the apparent universe of limited forms. God the Father is Cosmic Consciousness, the true nature of reality: Infinity. The only power here is this power. It is apparent when the veil of illusory limited perception has passed. It is all that remains. 

Light on a hill

 If we could look high enough and far enough, we would see a great light upon a great hill shining over the world. A light that dispels all doubts and mistruths making the way and the truth plain. This light ends all problems and confusion. It provides relief from all our troubles by clearly revealing the terrain of our everyday lives. At first, the light would appear through and amid a foggy darkness covering the land. Slowly the darkness would disperse by the power of the light and a clear and bright day would appear. Most of us do not dare to dream to look so high or so far. The way is impossible distant, out of reach. Yet even so, it is there always shining in the far distance. It shines so bright and so true that it is here right now. Always here. So bright that there is light. Here and Now. It is so real that it is real. That this is it. All there is is light, all there is is truth. It requires no contemplation. It requires no particular arrangement of who we are as individuals. It requires nothing from us, or nothing from the world. We have such a strong feeling that something is wrong with the world, with our life. What happens to this when this is light and truth. Who are we when there is light and truth. What happens when there is light. When here lies truth and this is it, that light and that truth.  When this is true, there is light and truth. When is now, now is when. Here, I am. So that I am, I am all of this. I am truth, I am light, Here I am, I am. This truth shines so bright that it is all there is, nothing else remains. Truth. Light. Being. Truth. Light. Being. Truth. Light. Being. What else is there? What else is here? I am the truth, I am the light, I am the way, Here I am. I am. Light. Truth. Being. Eternally present in the void. Here I Am. I Am. When you see the light on this hill, the world and the hill disappear and all that remains is who I Am. Light, peace, truth. Freedom. Bliss. Being. What world exists here but Bliss? Bliss, being bliss. Bliss being bliss. Bliss being truth. Light being bliss. There is only Light. There is only Truth. There is only Bliss. Bliss being Bliss. HERE I AM. HERE. NOW. TRUTH. BLISS. BEING. GOD. SPIRIT. LOVE. FREEDOM. LIFE. HERE. NOW. Pure Light. Pure Bliss. Pure Being. Light. Bliss. Being. Light, Bliss, Being. Light. Bliss. Being. Light. Bliss. Being. 

Taking a step back...

 I think it's interesting how you gain the most by giving away who you are as an individual. You gain the most fulfillment by letting go of yourself and your particular individual way of being. It is apparent to me that our attachment to ourselves and the way we are is what prevents us from fully receiving everything we desire out of life. We are so set on getting what we want that we disable ourselves from ever getting what we want. It seems to me that we have to step out of our own lives to be free to fully live our own life. It is obvious that so much of the world isn't preaching this message right now, rather the opposite. Do more, be more, have more, do, do, do, me, me, me. Always strive, always have. When we are always engaged in this struggling, we cannot perceive the reality of who we are and what we really have. We are consumed by our striving and we ignore our deeper feelings. We ignore what wisdom we may possess, because we are not open to receiving it. We don't need to become saints now in this moment. I think a little consciousness can go a long ways. And it doesn't take as much as we think to get on a good path. The world often teaches us to give in the the power of our egos, but doing so is giving up our power in our own lives. Doing so consumes who we are in insatiable desire, passion, and insecurity. The ego is a living darkness that can consume our consciousness and take over our lives. When this happens, we lose reason. We forget how to take care of ourselves and each-other. We don't need to eliminate our egos anytime soon, I think it is healthy just to keep them in check. We don't need to solve all the worlds problems also anytime soon, but I think it is important that we change the popular culture that much of the world is consuming. Maybe this is just what we are going through now to get to something better. I guess I am reaching out to those who relate to what I am saying and feel like they are ready to behave differently. I feel like many of us out there are ready to put more space between themselves and their egos and be more mindful about how they live there lives, what they choose to do and to expose them and their families to. I know a lot of us are dissatisfied with this culture and with society, but don't see a way forward. I don't think we the answer lies in drastic dramatic lifestyle changes, but rather in small incremental accommodations that better reflect our genuine feelings. I think of us have a lot of power and consciousness to behave differently, more upright, but we are overwhelmed by the mass consumer culture consciousness suffocating us all the time. 

Real fulfillment doesn't lie in the obtaining of our ego's desires. That is endless thirst and hunger. We are not the self in the reality that the ego projects. We are something else, something greater, and because of this, gaining for our ego will always leave us feeling empty. It is our soul that we are and the fulfillment of it that brings us true peace and happiness. That brings us true fulfillment. I think our soul works in tandem with our ego to bring about fulfillment in our lives. I think we are a soul that has an ego, and a soul that comes to Earth with dreams it wishes to fulfill. We come here to live a mortal life, so that we can better understand the nature of our immortality. So we can consciously discover the eternal and immortal nature of our deepest being. Our soul's deepest wish is to find full unity with God or Spirit, to fully realize our Self nature. We achieve this through both the activation and temperance of our passions or feelings. Our soul intuition possesses the wisdom to temper our ego sufficiently so that we can live in balance with God's will, the Harmony of the universe. I think what many of us are missing in our lives is this soul wisdom that comes from soul presence in our lives. The world we live in today is toxic for our finer feelings, and toxic for healthy human society. The imbalance is quite obvious, and most people it seems don't know what to do about it. I think people are overwhelmed because they don't have a healthy relationship with their feelings and a healthy relationship with God. God allows us to live in balance with all the forces within and outside of ourselves. The good and the bad, and all the gray. His intelligence can guide us when we are vulnerable, which nearly all of us are. His blessing, and his guiding hand may lead us on a sure path through the chaos of this universe. We can have this connection if we have wholesome religion in a wholesome society, both of these are largely lacking. It seems that it is up to us to create both of these to ensure the protection of the human race. I think both of these depend upon the ultimate knowledge that we are One with our creator, and not merely his children who can never live up to His expectations. I don't see how this can occur in a society totally devoted to doggedly pursuing fixed conventional values. I don't think human beings fit into both of these categories, so I don't think they will ultimately do. The heart of this society and this religion, will have room for judeo-christian monotheism as we know it, and for anyone to adhere strictly to conventional values while also being expansive enough to include all the space beyond these perspectives. My imagination of what a world looks like is always changing and I find it difficult to imagine what it looks like. I kind of believe we are not going to be there for some time, I don't think we need to be there, I would just like to see more of the planet turning in that direction. I think a lot of us have the power to be more mindful of how we live our lives and to create space for more soulful living.    

Heart of Life

 The heart of life presides over life with eternal fairness. Within the center of all things it maintains perfect balance among itself. It maintains perfect equilibrium in the infinite living universe. In our small worlds, we experience the ups and downs of fortune. We see the bleak inequality of the world as proof of a prevailing law of might, of chaos, or of chance. Only by stepping outside of our narrow perceptions does the eternal order of this heart of life become apparent. The chaos of the outer realms is but an illusion covering a deeper balance that is never broken. An order that becomes more apparent as one ventures nearer to the heart of things. Limited mortal frames and the universes they inhabit abide within an eternal order and Universe who's Heart and Body is an undying flame. The flickering of our mortal lives from quick life unto quick death is sparks dancing on the outer limits of a fire. The outer flames may flicker, forever changing as they come and go, while the heart of the fire is steady and undying. The life within each of us is immortal and unchanging, while the life that we have that appears in this world is changing and fleeting. Each of us seeks the immortality of our deepest heart fire, yet we fail in this search as we are consumed in the fires of our desires. Blinded by passion, we confuse what we find in this world with the immortal life within us. We seek the immortality of our mortal frame because we believe it to be worth having forever. We confuse it with the undying life of our soul and it's heart fire which is the Eternal undying Christ spark of the divine. In clinging to the immortal life of our body, we reject the free flow of life energy into our body and being and likewise deny the higher wisdom of our soul. The greatest power we can have is when we abandon our mortal identity for that of our true identity in Christ as Christ. Without this realization, we are like a fist clenching a hose preventing water from fully filling a vessel. All illness arises from this. Water can only flow freely if  that which restricts is completely eliminated. It may or may not be our fate to have long life or health in this body. This needn't bother us. Life in Christ is real and undying, free from the suffering that plagues those with mortal consciousness. One that does not depend on anything in the world, yet is free to enjoy it fully. For whatever we may seek in this world, it is Christ for which we are thirsty. All longings are rooted within Him and His immortal life. We seek to awaken within Him as Him, the drama of the world is the unfolding of this search among countless sentient beings. The striving masses are vagabonds filling a desert in search of the secret elixir of immortality. Christ eternally watches over this drama from within and without. Within Him we know our true name and are freed from the woes of this world. He is Order and Light. He is steadiness and the only real security. How can might protect us from might? Might only breeds more might, death, more death. Life, can only bring life and Christ is Life. His vessel dwells within us at all times. We can drink from it whenever we are pure enough and humble enough to reach it. Meanness is eternally rejected and dwells in the outer reaches far from the holiness of real security. Christ's light shines out from each of us, for each of us is a child of God. Each of us truly is He who walks alone on this Earth. Each of us is awakened life eternally awakening in this moment and in each moment. Even in the desert lie waters buried deep and unseen. Recognition of Him within the desert of our lives activates the life waters of our soul and makes our life a bounty of the many treasures of manifested dreams now silently stirring within our heart.  

Nova-Nine

 Open your solar heart

And observe the universe in full color

Feel with the fullness of your heart

The radiance of happiness

Touching upon every beautiful form

Equally, fully, lovingly

A warmth that knows no bounds

Actively permeating all living beings to the utmost

Corners and reaches of their body and imagination

Full of divine light radiating love as love

This awakening heart is singing the song of life

Eternally blossoming throughout the universe

Eternally awakening throughout space and time

A song that pierces all things with the forever cry of dawn

The Glory of awakening Light

Of the infinite possibilities in endless horizons

Here being born again, again, and again...

The Noble Eight-fold Pizza

A gust whips across a hilly plain and startles a copse of Pine: forcefully slapping through, rudely departing,  and continuing to scream it's way belligerently up and down the stark terrain. 

If I were sitting among those trees, on a boulder bluff above a sapphire lake, perhaps at that moment I would know my true name. 

Without the hills, without the plane, without the lake, I find myself standing on the point of a blade of grass amidst an infinite field of stars.

Without anything, I find myself standing exactly where I am, realizing that where I am isn't anywhere at all.

I simply am where I am, without anything

Here, I am able to perceive the full exposure of the inward Sun, the haven of my soul

In the beginning, I AM

And so in the end, I AM

Clearly HERE I AM and HERE, I will always BE

I AM, HERE I AM

When the Moon swings, I AM

As the Sun swims, I AM

When Twilight gathers, I AM

In the glorious Dawn, I AM

Eternity, I AM

Without space, and without time, I AM

Space and Time are forms of my BEING, HERE

They have no self-essence

Their self-essence is BEING, I AM

TIMELESS BEING

I AM AWAKE

I AM AWAKENING

ETERNALLY

HERE

NOW

NOTHING ELSE BUT THIS

THIS, HERE, NOW

7 days a week

Everything we see and know is Self. No separate thing has real substance. There is no thing with real substance. What is is Self. There is nothing apart from this. There never has been, there never will be. No identity exists outside of this. No reality exists outside of this. Everything we see and imagine is really truly Self as it is now. There is no other. Is, never, cannot. There is no such thing as a dream. No things have any real identity. If they have no real identity, then they have no identity at all. There is no we to process them. No processing of this truth. No thing called truth or un-truth. All of this is not anything, anywhere. There is no self that becomes Self. No process of awakening. Any idea has no substance, no reality. Reality is Reality. There is no I to comprehend it, no real comprehension of it. Self is Being. Self is Form. Self is Reality. It has no place and no purpose. It is Place and Purpose. Here, Now. There are no ideas and no feeling. Simply Self. Being. Form. Self. Being. Form. Self. Self. Self. 

6 baby

Rocking around 

Constellation gateways

Keys to the innerverse

Gate keeper, gateway

Light bridge

Crossing space-time

Bridging the great folded infinite

Bringing you electrons from far out

Beings from the inside-out

With memories from the future self

Handshakes from the sweet well of deep memory

Awakening priceless heart murmurs

Recognition of the timeless and ancient journey of the soul

Spilling it's sweet fragrance into the color of the present

Creating a kaleidoscope of the far out in the here and now

Where stable attitudes become the lineage and bearer of a great history of feeling and experience

In which frustration melts and horizons appear as the soul stirs

I am a child of God in a magical land

Where the sky is much closer than it appears

So close in fact, that it rests beneath the skin 

And I can grab a hold of distant things with my whimsical heart

And become a titan in this ocean of feeling

Drinking from the depths my soul desire

The intoxicating liquid of feeling

That dances upon my slender mind

As it slips through changing light-waves

Frame by frame containing conditioned ecstasy

Filtered by unconditional blues

Dwelling, spinning, revolving

This Cosmic Dream

The Heart

Inner Being 

Poem 5

 Drifting and turning I awaken in you

Eternal dawn

How can so much light fill the sky?

Where the horizon never ends

Forever arising within infinity

Forever awakening

Dreaming vast dreams that clothe the universe with form

Endlessly stretching outwards from my soul

Bathing in my own imagination

I rejoice in eternal youth

Poem 4

 Sitting with friends at the table

Drinking tea

Talking about things

Where am I?

Who am I?

Standing on the corner, looking for the train

choo choo

smokey wind blowing in my hair to the horizon

what to find at the bottom of the mug?

where it all came from

out in those fields going by

tip of the nose tickled

goofy science giggle goggling 

teeth, lips, cheeks and smugs.

Sea foam baby deliveries

Gooseberry trail trimmings

White flash, white tail

Sunshine, solar flares

Mitsubishi car stares

Cars, cars cars,

boo

Dead and dying

Leaving for tomorrow

Leaving today

Whispering of nothing

Sitting looking at tomorrow

Tomorrow has no sunrise

Except for the one that comes this morning

When I close my eyes

I cannot tell the difference between morning and night

The sun is always blazing and bright

Yet empty and sparkling like the twilight

This charade darkens my heart

Until I see through the soft madness of a water color sunrise

brightening up the world in one magical instant

The morning that is each sorrow in my heart

In this moment uplifted to perfect glory

How can I share this with my kin?

This sunlight permanently etched on my face

That shatters dreams with such purity

That leaves me standing still where I sit 

Colossal beginning I care not to leave

An arc of Zen penetrating into the core of my being

Reminding me who I am

A stroke of a paintbrush in the evening catching the last of the light

Poem 3

 When we walk where titans sleep

We may disturb them in the deep

If dragons come when we call

Then God may scream as we fall

Lighting erupts in a might roar

Tearing through the world of yore

Remembering the sleeping sound

Of gentle water falls and lillies abound

A fox sighs as it comes to rest by the bank of a still pool

The fair September weather gently plied by the cool air of a coming Fall

Poem 2

 The soft sky whispers dreams of loneliness

He turns towards himself and falls through a tower whose floors are composed of mirrors

He falls through each mirror until he hits the ground

He stands up on the bare dirt floor and believes he is a man

When truly, he never began

I have never been a man

Yet in this dream, I am

Poem 1

 Into night flows empty daylight

The sun disappearing as sand spills from a broken hourglass

My mind filling with your thoughts

With your voice and your caress

I turn towards your hand within myself

And feel the sky erupting with the morning

I feel how the birds wings stir the air

When I breath this breath

I awaken in morning

That is the light of my being

I am forever awakening