Feelings and Awakening

 Never underestimate the value of your feelings. Through them we awaken. To grow, our feeling must expand and deepen. As this occurs our ability to process the content in our consciousness increases. The more we process, the sharper our insight and general truth sense. Feelings pass through the content of self-centeredness to selflessness. From initial God-contact to the fullest God-realization. The power of feeling deepens consciousness, expanding life, until it makes this God-contact. 

Through feeling we reach out to the infinite potential of God and draw from it to supercharge our consciousness. This liberates consciousness from sense bound awareness, from the suffering of mortal consciousness into the transcendent and infinite consciousness of God. Not expanding to God, the ego dissolves as soulful God-consciousness awakens. Not I, but the supreme I. Fully manifest Self. 

The world with all its obstacles transforms into an interactive embodied play of our own consciousness. We realize these obstacles come from our mind, from our karma, and instead of overcoming an external force through competition, to overcome these obstacles, we must realize the solution to unravel them that exists within our own consciousness. Ignorance, not external enemies keeps our success and wellbeing at bay. 

Through feeling we come to love God. By this love alone the load of negative karma lessens. It draws God's grace and mercy that free our soul. Through our relationship with God we awaken to liberated consciousness. 

God directs all activity in manifestation. When we yoke ourselves to Him, we let go of the resistance of egoic willfulness that generates darkness in one's consciousness, and in doing so, awaken to the Perfect and Infinite Will of God. Yoked to God, sharing our consciousness with His, we live in accordance with this Will and by it we receive Divine Blessings. His Will perfectly embodies Wisdom and Virtue. It perfectly embodies the uplifting principle of Spirit: pure positivity itself. Pure positivity goes hand in hand with perfect harmony, so when we yoke ourselves to His Will, to Him, we embody this uplifting  principle within ourself. 

The practice of yoga-God Communion establishes this principle as the centerpiece of our consciousness where its uplifting power naturally corrects our habits and attitudes freeing our soul and life from all forms of disease and disorder. We must feel God to know Him, and through our feeling persist in knowing Him. 

Through the feeling of our soul we learn of the Lord God and  of His Perfect Spirit. By this Spirit, we attain God-consciousness so that our consciousness dwells in Heaven even while our body appears on Earth. Through feeling or soul-intuition we come to know His Divine Will for us in our Earthly incarnation. We come to know what He wishes us to do with our lives and by living in accordance with this Divine Plan we are freed from evil while here on Earth. For only One perfect way exists through the miasma of Earthly consciousness. 

His is a way of Love. Of unconditional love and unconditional surrender in the Bliss of God-soul union, Self-Realiztion. It is a way of Wisdom, Virtue, Excellence, and Indomitability. It says, "I know I am Infinite, and I will not yield to any delusion of maya." I am the Supreme Soul, the Infinite Spirit. I am One and All. There is no other...

We are One with Him. Through feeling we awaken to this ultimate realization. Through communion with Him we gain conviction in what is true and by persisting in this conviction, in these feelings of soul and God and God-consciousness, we attain the Highest Goal. Ever-subtler, ever-deeper, until not one floating mote of dust exists between Thyself and the Lord. 

Beauty in this World in the face of Epochal Upheaval

 I think what is beautiful in this world is how open so many things are becoming. With this world and this age I see so many possibilities. It just feels like the Universe is opening up to us Terrans. I just think its wonderful to participate in this. It's not by any means perfect, but it is awakening, we are awakening, to deeper human potentials. I think how are hearts and our souls are changing, how they can change, despite all the conditioning that tries to keep them collapsed in a smaller space. To me it feels like the soul of the world is awakening despite all the shit that is happening on the surface. It just doesn't care. It is going to change. We are going to change. We just don't understand how far we will go over the next several hundred years. It's so beautiful, we are so beautiful. It's also sad and terrifying that things don't stay the same...It can be difficult to keep up with the change, disorienting. But I think our heart is at the center of it, our big beautiful world soul :) We have been waiting for this for so long. Working toward it for so many years. And it's all Divine Light guiding our way, guiding us forward, as we move out into new terrain, it is God and awakening God consciousness, our consciousness reaching for the infinite, the soul seeking Light Eternal. 

I just can't believe this is happening in my lifetime. It's insane. Yet here I am, here we all are. On the same planet, in the same Universe. It's fucking crazy. I just want to fully embody, it, this dramatic change coming to our planet and our civilization. I want to carry it like a flaming torch into the future. Because we are going, one way or another, this is our destiny, happening right now. 

We are awakening soul. We are awakening Light. We are Infinity. We are the manifest Transcendent. I pray that you all awaken deeply to your inmost being and self. Change is upon us, before us.  

Waking Up

 The Spirit awaits those who die. It offers a second life. It opens the vault of Heaven to a Universe of infinite possibility. Where we continue to learn and grow and change. This possibility exists within us in each moment. To face our death and pass into it. To pass into it and go beyond it. Here, our eye is open and we see a whole new world. Our spirit has awakened. We must answer the call of our spirit to live in this world. We must do what it asks of us. We must do so if we wish to be wide awake. 

When we wake up we live a radically different life. It may not appear so on the outside. It may also be a very similar experience in many way to what others typically experience. The difference is that one person is awake, and another is not. 

We wake up to Spirit. We see that our spirit is Spirit. We know that everything is really Spirit. It is both the most obvious thing and the most subtle and imperceptible until you see it. 

I don't think it happens the same way for everyone. When I woke up, I was 19 years old and it hit me like lightening. I didn't fully know what happened to me. In an instant my reality had fundamentally and permanently shifted. I had a brief period of clarity that lasted for perhaps a week in which I discovered and knew with exact insight that this clarity would pass and I would fall into a kind of semi-darkness as all the unplayed parts of my life continued to play out. Though they would pass now like train cars falling one by one off a broken track into the abyss. I would come back to this clarity after my life had played out apparently decades in the future. I'm not fully sure what the extent of that life was. I don't think I have reached the end though. The train cars of my life continue to plunge of the track as deeper and deeper parts of my self peel away in the light of awakening. What I can see now is that I am awake, and I have been awake since that moment. 

I think waking up occurs when that deepest part of ourself stirs and awakens. What's peculiar is that this may not mean we have fully realized every part of our self. It just means we know ourself as Self. We still have much more to do and become we just know it is all completely an illusion at its core as the world passes before our awakened consciousness. 

Nothing that has happened to me is as significant as this, and I don't think anything else will be. I also cannot put into words the experience I have had since I have awakened, nor how meaningful to me it has been. 

The Ego v.s. The Soul and...Fulfillment in Infinity

I've been going in and out of soulful consciousness. I notice how the ego has an agenda when it is in control. It attempts to control things to benefit itself, to gain what it believes is good. When my soul awakens, it becomes clear that this is foolish. Wisdom comes from listening to the soul and giving it space to blossom. The ego is attached to things being a certain way, it manipulates the universe to maintain these conditions, or to acquire them. The soul reaches for deeper Peace and harmony with the Universe. It has faith in the power of Peace and in the promise of providence that comes through pacifying our consciousness and our self. We pacify our consciousness in the vibrations of God. 

The Soul has different values than the ego. The ego wants to perpetuate itself. It wants to attain immortality. It will burn anything to achieve this. The soul is transcendent of the material world and is more concerned about its relationship with the Universe or God than in maintaining the life of the material body or of the ego identity. It sees the life within life, the spiritual life existing within the superficial layer of what appears to be a divided universe. The soul sees this inner reality as paramount, while the ego doesn't. The surface is the ego's only reality. 

Awakening to the soul drastically changes our values and our outlook. It becomes clear that rushing to attain an end is reckless. It is most important that we stay connected to ourselves as we move forward. The pace is not important, the connection and way we operate are. The most important thing is that we are connected to our soul, to God, this is what we value most. We cannot advance if we do not have this connection and if we do not put it first. It doesn't even matter where we end up, it only matters that we are awake to our soul and to God. 

The soul does not value the superficiality of the ego identity. It becomes sick of this identity, this shell or old skin and it wishes to die to it, or to cast it off. The ego gets in the way of the soul being the soul, the soul connecting to the Infinite. The ego tries to burn whatever it can to find God, yet it mistakes every kind of thing for God. It is looking for the infinite in the finite. As soon as God is discovered, the ego no longer is the ego, it dies and there is soul. I can tell you with perfect confidence that the ego cannot be maintained permanently on the path of God-Realization. We only wish to perpetuate it because we believe in it, and what is seen through it's eyes. We value this because we do not understand clearly enough the nature of the ego, the nature of the soul, and the nature of God. 

When we have sufficient realization, we will find God infinitely more valuable than the temporary pleasures of the ego. Infinitely more valuable, and infinitely more a necessity for our wellbeing. The emptiness of the ego becomes more apparent, it's inability to satisfy us and the crudeness and meanness of its character. What is infinite is indescribably satisfying and wonderful. The ego is like dog shit compared to ice cream. 

What's more is that the soul and God fulfill the self when the ego eternally falls short of the mark. This alone is reason to abandon the ego and take up the soul. The soul is where we are going, where we would like to get to, the ego cannot take us there, in the end it becomes clear it is merely a devilish trickster, a distraction from our true purpose and aim, our only real aim in life. We gave eternity and infinity with the soul, we have scraps and hell with the ego. 

We look for Infinity, yet most of us do not dare admit this openly. For we are so lost, the thought of this makes us feel terribly insufficient and lonesome. Truly, all we want is God, yet we have no idea how to get there. We have no idea what that means. Most of us are so utterly lost, so hopelessly lost. We have forgotten that that's what we really wanted so lost are we in time and space. 

The ego is what we get, what we aspire to, when we have lost our way, when we have forgotten God and the soul within that connects to Him. It truly is the way of the Hungry Ghost, or the Angry Titan, the Enflamed Demon. 

Interestingly, these are too expressions of the Soul. Equally Infinite even in their lowness. We simply do not experience them in this way. The are the experience of incredible lack within the Universe of Infinity. I think they may too be beautiful and noble. Perhaps even wonderful. They are expressions and manifestations of Spirit. I think they are beautiful. Incredibly beautiful. That they would come into being, so that life would be all that more interesting. So that what is temporary could be so infinitely moving, touching. 

The Spirit is incredible, marvelous. He created this world, that is so horrible until you awaken from it. Then it becomes so Perfect and beautiful. It is sublime. 

Tracking

 It seems like I'm in between worldly and established soul-consciousness. It's kind of a slog, but I feel like my head is starting to pop through on the other side. I've been seeing egoic-worldly consciousness very clearly. Seeing how it is rooted in my subtle body. Seeing on this level helps to consciously be able to detach myself from it. Instead of trying to handle a vague sense of the ego in the mind, I am beginning to see how it forms in the mind and then is embodied when we act upon it. It first creates tension or disturbance in the mind and feelings, then if we act upon it, it creates tension in our whole body. We essentially become possessed by it. The breath becomes restless and conscious awareness falls into darkness. It is being possessed by the madness of desire for sensory gratification. It completely disrupts clear thinking and ethical judgement. 

Where I've found myself, I don't have the levity to move completely out of it into sustained Peace. So I'm left playing a game of give and take, attempting to move in the direction of Peace. This is often considerably frustrating and agitating. I'm learning that it is only my ego that feels this way, and it is apart of the problem. I don't need to get there. What I am is not what I want. I am not my ego, I am, at this point, the superconscious soul or witness. The determined effort for me to get there is wholly rooted in ego and is or appears at this point to be for lack of a better word, evil. Evil, not as something to be held in deep contempt, but something that by its very nature creates suffering and trouble. Evil is evil because this is it's only nature. This is all that it is, or does. So this is why we call evil, evil and why I call the ego evil. When you look at it clearly, it really just pulls you down and makes you suffer. Its a fucking demon. 

I have a lot more ego than I anticipated. So I have to root it out more deeply than I thought. So I am learning this and working on it instead of being well established in Peace. You can't just power through to Peace. You have to really wake up the superconscious soul or Witness and move beyond ordinary striving. The ego is saying fuck you the whole time too. It doesn't want to leave. The soul awakens, and we form a new dance with the Universe. We open up to the subtle flow of things occurring underneath what most perceive as the concrete material reality. Apart of this new dance is the development of our conscious communion with the Divine or Spirit or God. There seems to be a Divine Plan behind our lives and the process of our awakening soul-consciousness. It is essential that we work with this Agency, this Process, in our efforts of awakening. For it truly is the Master that we become when we first acknowledge it, and then yoke ourselves to it. It is this special relationship at the center of every soul's spiritual awakening. This is paramount. Truly it is everything. 

I think it's important for me to remember that that Peace is still here. Even if I can't live fully from it, it is here. Even if I don't see it, this is it. The Way is here, and it is open. It is available. Accessible. Things aren't as bad as they look. I think a lot of that is my mood, not what is. Not who I really am, nor how I wish to be in this moment. We dwell in Infinity now. We always do, even when we're fucked up. 

This is because we are not really fucked up. This is an illusion. In a way, it can't be. All the fucked up things that happen to us, they also open us up, they help us to see. They are equally God happening to us a much as the good stuff. It's all good, it's all the same. So, things aren't fucked up, they are ok. This isn't real, it is a dream. 

All of this is just our expanding mind, our expanding consciousness, operating on unchanging Universal Law. I think if we can take a step back from it all, we can see how things are being created by mind, by thought, and with wisdom, we let go of what goes against that law. We see how Peace exists within what is Good, and that we are free. We are awake and One and Whole. 

What if we are not broken? What if we are not struggling? What if there is nothing wrong with anything?

We can't fully overcome negativity through resistance. We have to reframe our outlook to see that negativity as part of the whole. Yet also through resistance, Peace is born. Peace will break free. There is no division between Good and Evil. They are one. In them there is no good or evil, simply the One. Resistance occurs when we are at war with our self. When we fully accept our self, there is no room for resistance, there is no war, there is only Peace. Peace is alive in the present moment. It is eternally awake now. No good, no evil, no war, only my self. 

Sorry for any confusion this essay may bring. I believe I am dealing with two separate areas of development in my self. One I believe is moving from ego to soul or Witness, where there is a clear distinction between Good and Evil, right and wrong. The other is moving from the Dominion of Presence where good is in charge, though still at odds with evil, to the Already Existent Fully Established Oneness, the Perfect Form and Reflection of the Unmanifest Formlessness. 

I don't fully understand the interplay of these two developments so my descriptive language is imperfect and I believe I often confuse fundamental structure with each other in my writings. I'm not even sure if I've correctly identified the two areas of development I listed above. They appear so similar at times that I go back and forth thinking they are the same and then that they are different. 

The Witness: Disidentifying with the body-mind

 This is something I have been experiencing over the last couple months. It is changing my perspective about myself a lot. I think I have identified heavily with achieving lasting personal success, including my spiritual goals and I'm seeing now how rooted in ego identification this is. 

Wanting to continue in that way makes me feel sick now. I think I was so infatuated with desire that I wasn't able to see or value what lies beyond it. It's strange how hollow that ambition is. We become so insane for something that does not bring us peace or fulfillment. Yet we hold on so tight that we can't let go. It seems like most of this is do to the inertia of our society and the way we are conditioned as we grow up and beyond. We are taught something inane and it is all anyone knows so it is taken as common sense when it in fact imprisons us in hell. It is just bizarre how ignorant society can be and how different this is from the truth. 

It's strange to see so many people blindly pursuing egoic satisfaction with little to know real understanding of Truth. This loses its weirdness when it becomes clear that there is no they or them. There is ever expanding and evolving consciousness that takes the form of embodied souls or beings. And truly there is only Consciousness. There are no people and there is no self. Or there is only Self. All of what we call this world is maya or illusion. It is unreal. Lol. 

The fulfillment of our little self is its lasting success, but in it's upward dissolution eventually into pure consciousness. The Witness state is the middle of the way between identification with the ego and pure consciousness. It becomes very clear here how transient our world is and how much it is not who we are. It has considerable power to pull us deeper into ourselves going much further than we probably imagined. 

One thing I am curious about is how this state relates to the soul, to Amen, and the path of the shaman or yogi.  I think the Witness is the soul...The awakening of the soul and its superconscious energies. I'm not quite sure how it relates to Amen though. Amen as the lower form of the Trinity of God.  I experience Amen as Peace...It seems that contact with Amen is the catalyst that awakens the superconscious soul, the Witness. 

In my experience this Peace is distinct from the Pure Witness. This Peace leads deeper into itself and I think eventually to Christ Consciousness. I am wondering what happens to the Witness as it deepens. Is it apart of the path of Peace to Christ and beyond, or is it a separate line of development? Does the Witness merge with Peace to form basic Oneness? I'm really not sure. It kind of seems like both of them develop in tandem. 

I think I can use the witness to be less moved by negativity in my life that I don't have control over. I don't have to fight as much, I think I can just let it pass. 

You don't grow just cause you want to

 I had a week where things didn't go as well as I would have liked. I think I wanted more progress than I got. When I sat down about an hour ago I thought about how spiritual growth doesn't come for free, it comes due to the energy that goes into it, that we cannot force into it. As much as we may wish to end all our habits that create suffering, this most likely won't happen over night. Peace comes through peace, not through our aggravation at the conditions of our life. This peace and path is a cooperative one where we learn to work with life and the transrational path of spiritual awakening. And honestly, sometimes the door is open, and sometimes, maybe most of the time, it is not.  

So maybe while we're learning, we just have to wait for things to mellow out, doing our best to get through with as much dignity still intact as possible. Learning to  keep a look out for opportunities to do some good, or make some progress, strengthening our connection with the uplifting power of Spirit. 

I'm learning more about the grace of God or Spirit that comes out to us who are or may be ready to leave the world, the world of matter bound consciousness, behind. I think in this grace we can find our calling by intuitively listening to what it asks of us. I truly think we can find our singular divine purpose here. Which synonymously is our way and path of awakening. I think perhaps God and our soul have a plan for us. 

Hearing this grace is like hearing a chorus of angels with our inner intuitive ear. It doesn't have to be an intense mind altering experience. It can be profound in the force of the truth that comes to us. In the clarity and purity of it's message. A Truth among truths. 

As much as we'd like to make this happen for ourselves, we cannot do it alone. It comes through the angelic bond we consciously form with our own soul and between our soul and the Universe, and within it at its center, God. 

I don't think we enter Heaven without being humbled, because we are not as great as we may think or believe we can be. Not our egos. They are truly nothing. The way upwards only comes through the surrender of these egos, and the Divine support, grace, of what is transcendent and of Perfect Love. The way is His, as much as it is Ours.