Tracking

 It seems like I'm in between worldly and established soul-consciousness. It's kind of a slog, but I feel like my head is starting to pop through on the other side. I've been seeing egoic-worldly consciousness very clearly. Seeing how it is rooted in my subtle body. Seeing on this level helps to consciously be able to detach myself from it. Instead of trying to handle a vague sense of the ego in the mind, I am beginning to see how it forms in the mind and then is embodied when we act upon it. It first creates tension or disturbance in the mind and feelings, then if we act upon it, it creates tension in our whole body. We essentially become possessed by it. The breath becomes restless and conscious awareness falls into darkness. It is being possessed by the madness of desire for sensory gratification. It completely disrupts clear thinking and ethical judgement. 

Where I've found myself, I don't have the levity to move completely out of it into sustained Peace. So I'm left playing a game of give and take, attempting to move in the direction of Peace. This is often considerably frustrating and agitating. I'm learning that it is only my ego that feels this way, and it is apart of the problem. I don't need to get there. What I am is not what I want. I am not my ego, I am, at this point, the superconscious soul or witness. The determined effort for me to get there is wholly rooted in ego and is or appears at this point to be for lack of a better word, evil. Evil, not as something to be held in deep contempt, but something that by its very nature creates suffering and trouble. Evil is evil because this is it's only nature. This is all that it is, or does. So this is why we call evil, evil and why I call the ego evil. When you look at it clearly, it really just pulls you down and makes you suffer. Its a fucking demon. 

I have a lot more ego than I anticipated. So I have to root it out more deeply than I thought. So I am learning this and working on it instead of being well established in Peace. You can't just power through to Peace. You have to really wake up the superconscious soul or Witness and move beyond ordinary striving. The ego is saying fuck you the whole time too. It doesn't want to leave. The soul awakens, and we form a new dance with the Universe. We open up to the subtle flow of things occurring underneath what most perceive as the concrete material reality. Apart of this new dance is the development of our conscious communion with the Divine or Spirit or God. There seems to be a Divine Plan behind our lives and the process of our awakening soul-consciousness. It is essential that we work with this Agency, this Process, in our efforts of awakening. For it truly is the Master that we become when we first acknowledge it, and then yoke ourselves to it. It is this special relationship at the center of every soul's spiritual awakening. This is paramount. Truly it is everything. 

I think it's important for me to remember that that Peace is still here. Even if I can't live fully from it, it is here. Even if I don't see it, this is it. The Way is here, and it is open. It is available. Accessible. Things aren't as bad as they look. I think a lot of that is my mood, not what is. Not who I really am, nor how I wish to be in this moment. We dwell in Infinity now. We always do, even when we're fucked up. 

This is because we are not really fucked up. This is an illusion. In a way, it can't be. All the fucked up things that happen to us, they also open us up, they help us to see. They are equally God happening to us a much as the good stuff. It's all good, it's all the same. So, things aren't fucked up, they are ok. This isn't real, it is a dream. 

All of this is just our expanding mind, our expanding consciousness, operating on unchanging Universal Law. I think if we can take a step back from it all, we can see how things are being created by mind, by thought, and with wisdom, we let go of what goes against that law. We see how Peace exists within what is Good, and that we are free. We are awake and One and Whole. 

What if we are not broken? What if we are not struggling? What if there is nothing wrong with anything?

We can't fully overcome negativity through resistance. We have to reframe our outlook to see that negativity as part of the whole. Yet also through resistance, Peace is born. Peace will break free. There is no division between Good and Evil. They are one. In them there is no good or evil, simply the One. Resistance occurs when we are at war with our self. When we fully accept our self, there is no room for resistance, there is no war, there is only Peace. Peace is alive in the present moment. It is eternally awake now. No good, no evil, no war, only my self. 

Sorry for any confusion this essay may bring. I believe I am dealing with two separate areas of development in my self. One I believe is moving from ego to soul or Witness, where there is a clear distinction between Good and Evil, right and wrong. The other is moving from the Dominion of Presence where good is in charge, though still at odds with evil, to the Already Existent Fully Established Oneness, the Perfect Form and Reflection of the Unmanifest Formlessness. 

I don't fully understand the interplay of these two developments so my descriptive language is imperfect and I believe I often confuse fundamental structure with each other in my writings. I'm not even sure if I've correctly identified the two areas of development I listed above. They appear so similar at times that I go back and forth thinking they are the same and then that they are different. 

The Witness: Disidentifying with the body-mind

 This is something I have been experiencing over the last couple months. It is changing my perspective about myself a lot. I think I have identified heavily with achieving lasting personal success, including my spiritual goals and I'm seeing now how rooted in ego identification this is. 

Wanting to continue in that way makes me feel sick now. I think I was so infatuated with desire that I wasn't able to see or value what lies beyond it. It's strange how hollow that ambition is. We become so insane for something that does not bring us peace or fulfillment. Yet we hold on so tight that we can't let go. It seems like most of this is do to the inertia of our society and the way we are conditioned as we grow up and beyond. We are taught something inane and it is all anyone knows so it is taken as common sense when it in fact imprisons us in hell. It is just bizarre how ignorant society can be and how different this is from the truth. 

It's strange to see so many people blindly pursuing egoic satisfaction with little to know real understanding of Truth. This loses its weirdness when it becomes clear that there is no they or them. There is ever expanding and evolving consciousness that takes the form of embodied souls or beings. And truly there is only Consciousness. There are no people and there is no self. Or there is only Self. All of what we call this world is maya or illusion. It is unreal. Lol. 

The fulfillment of our little self is its lasting success, but in it's upward dissolution eventually into pure consciousness. The Witness state is the middle of the way between identification with the ego and pure consciousness. It becomes very clear here how transient our world is and how much it is not who we are. It has considerable power to pull us deeper into ourselves going much further than we probably imagined. 

One thing I am curious about is how this state relates to the soul, to Amen, and the path of the shaman or yogi.  I think the Witness is the soul...The awakening of the soul and its superconscious energies. I'm not quite sure how it relates to Amen though. Amen as the lower form of the Trinity of God.  I experience Amen as Peace...It seems that contact with Amen is the catalyst that awakens the superconscious soul, the Witness. 

In my experience this Peace is distinct from the Pure Witness. This Peace leads deeper into itself and I think eventually to Christ Consciousness. I am wondering what happens to the Witness as it deepens. Is it apart of the path of Peace to Christ and beyond, or is it a separate line of development? Does the Witness merge with Peace to form basic Oneness? I'm really not sure. It kind of seems like both of them develop in tandem. 

I think I can use the witness to be less moved by negativity in my life that I don't have control over. I don't have to fight as much, I think I can just let it pass. 

You don't grow just cause you want to

 I had a week where things didn't go as well as I would have liked. I think I wanted more progress than I got. When I sat down about an hour ago I thought about how spiritual growth doesn't come for free, it comes due to the energy that goes into it, that we cannot force into it. As much as we may wish to end all our habits that create suffering, this most likely won't happen over night. Peace comes through peace, not through our aggravation at the conditions of our life. This peace and path is a cooperative one where we learn to work with life and the transrational path of spiritual awakening. And honestly, sometimes the door is open, and sometimes, maybe most of the time, it is not.  

So maybe while we're learning, we just have to wait for things to mellow out, doing our best to get through with as much dignity still intact as possible. Learning to  keep a look out for opportunities to do some good, or make some progress, strengthening our connection with the uplifting power of Spirit. 

I'm learning more about the grace of God or Spirit that comes out to us who are or may be ready to leave the world, the world of matter bound consciousness, behind. I think in this grace we can find our calling by intuitively listening to what it asks of us. I truly think we can find our singular divine purpose here. Which synonymously is our way and path of awakening. I think perhaps God and our soul have a plan for us. 

Hearing this grace is like hearing a chorus of angels with our inner intuitive ear. It doesn't have to be an intense mind altering experience. It can be profound in the force of the truth that comes to us. In the clarity and purity of it's message. A Truth among truths. 

As much as we'd like to make this happen for ourselves, we cannot do it alone. It comes through the angelic bond we consciously form with our own soul and between our soul and the Universe, and within it at its center, God. 

I don't think we enter Heaven without being humbled, because we are not as great as we may think or believe we can be. Not our egos. They are truly nothing. The way upwards only comes through the surrender of these egos, and the Divine support, grace, of what is transcendent and of Perfect Love. The way is His, as much as it is Ours. 

The Whole Banana

 The Infinite whole exists in this moment. This is it. Everything is it, it is everything. Nothing can add to it or take away from it. It is One, complete and whole. It is things exactly as they are. It does not require perfect peace or perfect disposition. It includes all the flaws of the Universe. Perfection is things as they are, not how they could be. The whole is imminent, manifest. It abides. 

It contains all change, all transformation, and as all it changes without changing. It is the nonduality of stillness and movement. It changes endlessly without changing at all. What a beautiful light. 

Here, we have no where left to go, nothing left to do. We have arrived. We are home. It is exactly where we are. Always where we are, it is all that is. The door opened and we entered. 

We have infinity in this moment. We have always possessed it, as it always has possessed us. There is nothing we can improve on. For perfection already exists. We are perfect in it. Perfect and fully formed. I am perfect, and I am fully formed. Perfect as I am. 

The Universe is Perfect. It is One, and it is Whole. What exists is perfection, it is what has always existed. Perfectly existent. Perfectly present. Perfectly formed. We are whole, we are One. Oneness. 

Release from egoic identification

 What an ego dominated consciousness does not understand, is that the desire of the ego unequivocally produces enslaved and tortured consciousness.  As individuals we wish to have all the fruits of the ego, without all the barbs, all of the terror and suffering. We wish and delude ourselves, we wish and delude ourselves, we wish and delude ourselves...and we continually suffer immensely, never attaining what we wish for. We are never satisfied by our ego. We are continually dissatisfied by it. Until we become disenchanted and until we clearly understand how consciousness becomes ensnared by it, we will continue in this way. 

What we don't understand about our soul is that it's basic form is completely different from the ego. It is free of the warlike striving of the ego. It is free of egoic consciousness. The ego doesn't understand this, only the soul can understand this. We don't understand how we are not a we. We are not ourselves, we are simply soul. Our understanding of who I am is severely limited and incorrect. We are not conditioned beings. We are unconditioned awareness. We don't understand the fullness of the limit that we are not who we call ourself, to the point that we are not an ourself. There is no Jake, no Rebecca, no Sergio. We don't understand how deeply and fully spiritual awakening dissolves our identity and reshapes it as something completely different. We don't understand how unsatisfactory is the world and how uniquely and singularly satisfying is God. We don't understand how everything we perceive is unreal except the reality of God. We don't understand how everything, everything is God. To the point that there is only God. 

We don't understand this until we deeply die to what we call our self. Until the world crumbles before our eyes in our inner awareness as it becomes our only awareness. The path is not what we believe it to be. It does not go where we expect it to go. Yet part of us is familiar with what does happen, with what does change. It is this part that becomes stronger the further we go along. That slowly becomes the dominant aspect of our being. What we claim to know and love is a facade. Who we really are is far beyond disturbing. 

When the soul awakens, we renounce the world, because it begins to disappear. This is not a dramatic or heroic personal choice, but the reality of worldly consciousness dissolving in our awareness. It is the choice of someone who recognizes profoundly the unsatisfactory nature of typical human consciousness, the mentally disturbed, physically ill and endlessly suffering conditioned ego. Someone who recognizes the wisdom of spiritual release through soul awakening. Someone who is at the threshold of this change and is capable of passing into it. Someone who knows that without inner peace, what is the point of life? 

Taking a step back

 Progress on the spiritual path is unnecessary and nothing to be attached to. All positive states are equally as undesirable as neutral or negative ones. We should seek righteousness and skillfulness while learning to detach ourselves from identifying with them. Our attachment, desire for, or personal identification with positive states can be a great obstacle from reaching them and perceiving truth. Our personal identification with the condition of the body or mind perpetuates ensnaring karma. All identification with conditioned states perpetuates dukkha or conditioned awareness. 

What's strange is that in the sense that most of us know, there is no us that is saved by spiritual effort or grace. You could say that the soul is saved, or even our soul is saved, but this is the witnessing within us, not really the us that is the conditioned being which is identified with numerous conditioned states. The consciousness of the witness or the soul is released from conditioned awareness and then I believe it too passes as the dominant center of awareness. 

The awakening witness within has the power to release awareness from identification with transitory states. This isn't a numbing or a psychological disassociation with parts of self that are identified with conditioned states, it is rather an internalization of consciousness that results as the natural passing or death of the conditioned mind. It is a deepening or maturing of the general structure of consciousness rather than a lateral movement in the range of the typical egoic conditioned mind. 

This also expands rather than eliminates personal experience. It opens the personal to the transcendental, to the infinite, with it's inexplicable variety. It deepens the personal to the depth of the intimacy of the soul, the petal like softness of the witness, and beyond. While the personal appears to be simplified in this general movement, and is, it equally becomes something vastly more complex and subtle. This deepening speaks of the maturity of being, what we can note as our being if we do so wisely. No loss of feeling occurs. How we feel changes, and our total feeling takes on subtlety, depth and greater intensity. 

This release marks the end of what we knew, not the end of who we are. It means the fulfillment we deeply desire, yet find impossible to communicate, to directly know. In knowing, in communicating this with our self, we do experience death. In death, we go beyond, remaining alive in a way we forgot about. A way we keep without seeing, that in its own way died when our ego began to dominate our awareness. 

So in a way taking a step we take a step forward. 

The Door is always open to Him

I shall carry this pain for Thee if Thou asks it of me. I shall bear this burden because I love Thee. I know Thou art great and what Thou would have us do is Good, therefore I trust Thee and believe in all that Thou art. 

Give us the strength to welcome Thee into our hearts, that we may know Thee and all that Thou art. Thou art the Lord God. Thou art Infinite and One. We are wholly free in this, what Thou art. May all welcome Thee, Lord God Infinite One. May we welcome Thee and be with Thee forever. 

I am not broken, I am whole. In the Lord, I am One. I am One and Whole. I am Peace. There is not but Thee and the perfection of Thy being, which is Infinite and Radiant. 

Oh Blessed Peace Father of all

I am not any of these things, nor these thoughts. I am the radiant soul which is One with God. I am none of these fears, or these likes. I have them, but they are not who I am. I am infinite and eternal. I am beyond all conditioned form. I am Supreme Spirit. 

One must change their mind before they can change their life. If they try to change their life with the same underlying mentality, they will recreate the same conditions they are trying to change. In order to change one's mind, one must recognize the pattern of their thoughts clearly so they can step outside of them. In doing so, one must become a different person. One must recreate themself. Truly be someone different. 

One can only change when they are ready to change. If one truly at their core wishes to change. Otherwise one merely flirts with change. 

If one changes, the Universe must change as well. It must become different. As different as the person is different. One must not merely change themself, but the whole Universe as well. For one and their mind are not separate from the Universe, they are One with it. 

I am no longer myself. The Universe is no longer itself. Some things grow and some things die. I am the Living Death of all things. I do not have to continue doing things the same way, nor do I wish to. The death of the creature will brings forth the life of the soul. 

Change comes from Darkness as much as it comes from Light. It is bred in Darkness, in the shadows of our self. As it matures it takes on form and becomes known. What will come has from in the Unknown. All that will be dwells there. 

The Mastery of oneself also lies in the Darkness. The Master is the Union of what is Good and Evil within ourself. Or what is accepted and what is taboo. One's self concept must perish for this to occur. 

This Doom is carried on the wind. It hits us like hammers hitting stone as the foundations of our being split apart. This Power of Death exists within us. It is what allows us to keep on living. That we are dead allows us to have life. 

The death of our old self allows our new self to rise. Imagine there are new pathways waiting for your conscious attention. Imagine a world waiting for you to enter it. A world next to this one. Imagine that change is possible there. Possible and happening all the time. Imagine we are no longer the person we call ourself. That person has passed and is now foreign to us. We now are someone new and much more familiar. Imagine that the world we know, no longer exists, and is inaccessible. Imagine that a door to this new world is open and we have already walked through it. We already experience this new world, we live there now. It is in fact the world we are in. Imagine we are different and we can never be who we were before. Imagine there is no going back. Imagine that we really don't wish to. 

I am not who I used to be. I am no longer myself. I am someone different. These words are enough to crystalize the change. They fill the can to the brim and now it can be sealed. It is sealed and it is shelved. The process is complete. 

I look out and see a world that is both completely strange and completely familiar. I feel at home here. I am not bothered by what happens here. I am not bothered by anything at all. In this place I see how the same force makes everything occur and that the same unchanging principles govern this force. This force ultimately allows us to see and to awaken. For this it is Good, although a strange kind of goodness. But this strangeness does not both me, I rather like it actually. I find what is strange and peculiar fascinating. The force that moves things, moves me as well. It is soothing and rewarding. I have great purpose here, even though it is often vaguely known. I can see that what I do matters. I am apart of the unfolding of this great teaching. Here I am allowed to truly be myself. This is a great relief. I am no longer worried about what others may think of what I do. I am unconcerned with the world. it will always be the world. It will always be what it is. However it is, I am in it, but not a part of it. 

I don't know what will happen and I now realize this is the most exciting prospect that could occur. I truly live in a world of unending possibility, of unlimited potential. I am apart of what is Infinite and this is deeply satisfying. Above all, I feel free, truly free and truly alive even though I have recently died.