Light and Darkness

 It's been a while. Like a month since I've posted, though I wrote a few unpublished drafts earlier this month. I was really busy with a work project. Overall I have been doing well. I am finding more balance though I still struggle regularly and I am getting a better hold on my ego. My hair is longer. I have been letting it grow for the first time in a couple years. Also I am moving towards vegetarianism. I tried to go nearly completely vegetarian, but my body still wants a moderate amount of meat. So now I am happy to simply eat healthier, more home cooked meals, significantly less sugar, and nearly entirely sober if not sober. I have been sober for at least a year. I had a beer a month ago. It was kind of nice, but the next day I felt like my connection with others suffered. So I don't think I will be drinking that much if at all. I think when I am healthier, it will have less negative effects and i will be able to be more balanced while drinking. Not that I want to a lot. It's just nice to have a beer with a meal and friends when you go out somewhere. I like the taste a lot. But I need to be really careful because my family has a history of substance abuse and alcoholism. 

I have been working on a new schedule and plan going forward over the last month. Since finishing the last  work job, which I didn't really want to do, I have been working less and less, finding myself slowing down with the seasonal changes and become somewhat worried about this. 

Over the summer I had more energy to push out to some extent and I was pretty consistent with work. I have been working through some significant chaos since last Fall around this time. I still don't have the best grip on my energies and my willpower. But I have moved in the right direction in a lot of ways. My partnership with my long term girlfriend is a lot more solid after some difficult spots and is moving in a spiritualizing direction, which was long needed. I have been eating better and gaining a better understanding of what my body needs. I have been meditating a lot more. I feel more mature and steadier even if still somewhat unsteady. Rome wasn't built in a day and neither will be the Kingdom of my life's lasting Harmony. 

I'm realizing more clearly that I can't rush through things to get to Peace, Balance, and Security. You have to deal with the cards you have been dealt, with the way you are and the way the world is. Trying to rush through things, is half avoidance, so half-foolishness and folly. It's very difficult to slow down in an accelerating world. Accelerating in a great part towards increased distraction and insanity. This is the great distraction, to get caught up in this hysteria and forget to listen to our inner being. To forget there are other ways of living and being. 

We can only work with what we have, so the best way to proceed is with as much care and consideration as we can muster. I think above all it is best to remain open to the Spirit, to God, to His guidance and It's blessing. If possible, to restrain ourselves from excess, to concentrate upon the purifying and uplifting power of God as to improve or perfect the ways we behave. There is a limit to our personal ignorance that is erased by our increasing ability to walk upright. There is a way out of suffering, of the chaos of our inner energies and the outer world: the shining star of Spirit located within our own consciousness. 

For those of you who struggle deeply, who suffer immensely, know that there is a way out. Know that God has never left you for a single moment, instead has shared and continues to share in all that you go through and is ever available for comfort and consultation. Freedom exists within your own mind and your own feeling, not outside of yourself, not in any idea, person, or thing. Rather it is the inner Kingdom within your consciousness, within the very heart of your egoic identity, awakened by the superconscious energies of the soul, available to you in this moment. This ground of being extends infinitely in all directions, is ever present and all-knowing. It is your very inmost Self and Being. We possess this power now fully. 

Through God-contact and understanding of the Spiritual Principle and its relationship with material-mortal-egoic consciousness, and with a clear and compelling understanding of the favorability of God-consciousness and the complete unsatisfactory nature of mortal-egoic consciousness, a sentient being or soul may retrace their steps to the inner Kingdom of Spiritual Light, the Fountain and Godhead of Transcendent Immortal Being-Bliss that is and remains Ever-Present and Eternal. 

This hardship is an opportunity to awaken. It illuminates the incredible folly of selfish pride and ignorance born of excess self-indulgence. It clearly establishes that the folly of a people may topple the foundations of their society and the same of others. It clearly identifies the solution as the careful planning and attention born of they who recognize the Spiritual Principle as the root of all personal, social, and material security.  When things go well as they have for many in this country for several generations, it is easy to lose yourself in comforts. It is easy to forget that security is born through vigilance and that actions in the present beget the consequences of the future. Hiding in ourselves, we forget about the struggles of others and of our responsibility to them. We forget about our responsibility to ourself, to be more than an intelligent animal, to be a human soul living with Dignity and seeking our Eternal Home in the Divine. For we are not content here among our comforts, we are increasingly sickened by them, plagued by them. They boil our blood and gouge out our senses. They feed on our life force and destroy our relationships. They will be taken away and we will be left with nothing. For we have not prepared ourselves for what is to come.  

As we move forward into the coming manifestation of Darkness, know that the individual connection with Spirit is paramount. The only solution will come from collecting ourselves in the shared allegiance to this Spiritual Light in communities of Light and Liberty. The more we can do this now, the better we will fare, the less suffering we will all collectively endure. 

In this great Death we all face, is a great opportunity to change ourselves and our communities for the better. Many of us will succeed in utilizing this transformative power, many will not. We will rise from the ashes of widespread destruction and we will rebuild a greater civilization than we have ever known in current memory. We will continue upward and upward over thousand of years in this current ascending arc of mankind.

All the parts of our life fit together

 The outer pieces of our lives are symbolic of inner movements. They are the superficial aspects of dimensions of our inner being. We become attached to outer arrangements, when it is the inner experience that matters. If we look at our lives with our spiritual eye instead of our eye of ego or delusion, we begin to see how each aspect of our life represents part of our soul, where our soul is trying to bring itself together. Each different aspect and each different piece fit together to form a whole that is the sum total of what is meaningful to us. It is the solution of all of what we call life. 

I believe we each have a specific life path to follow and although this can be very meaningful to us, the specificities are superficial. What is most meaningful is what happens to us when we consciously follow that path. Our soul, apparently split apart and divided, becomes One again. I think the best way we can allow this to happen is to see through the surface image and recognize the core structures as they are unfolding. We allow ourselves to be immersed in the image of our human experience, but we let go of attachment to the reality it presents, recognizing the inner awakening that is of principal importance and principal reality. That I believe is the sole reality. Ultimately there is only Spirit dreaming itself being embodied as a human being or soul, which ends up being simply Spirit. As wonderful as the dream may be, it is ultimately, truly, immaterial. 

We discover this and practice it. On the other hand, within samsara, the dream, we practice mindfulness and skillfulness in being a human. To awaken to the deepest spiritual truths, we must master our own nature as a human being. This is the outer expression of spiritual awakening, the surface. Somehow each of our lives is an expression of Spirit and in practicing mindfulness and right action, we contemplate and meditate upon the deepest truths. I think everything we see and experience must be wholly that perfect truth of Spirit. 

Each aspect of our life is equal to the next for the difference between any aspects only exists in our mind. Every aspect must in fact be the same, One. When we treat things differently we are indiscriminate in our judgement. We are deluded in our perception. Neither should we favor nor disfavor anything we encounter, for all parts are truly the same. It is our mind that tells us otherwise. There is one thing happening and One experience. 

Through the practice of Yoga, of yoking all the parts of ourself together, we unlock our inner potential and its reality through the complete mastery of our self and our activity in manifestation. We cannot simply renounce the world and activity outwardly, we must master action and outer activity. We must learn to fully apply ourselves to our reality, to our self and the activity that falls under our responsibility. The combination of action and meditation and contemplation brings about the full fulfillment of human consciousness. We must fully apply the truth in all its mundane and material and personal applications. This is the only way to fully access Truth. 

Perspectives and Feelings

 I'm starting to have more clarity with my feelings, which is why writing this is so easy now. I'm seeing how challenged I have been over the last several years, probably more like 5 years. Or even more like 14. I haven't been in a position to create general peace in my life. I have thought I have been many times, and I have had considerable power to affect desired change, but my heart and head have not really been in the right place. I'm at the point now where I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I find myself in somewhat doubtful circumstances. 

This time around it seems to be moving slower, probably for the best. Because I tend to fuck things up when I get excited...Which is in hind sight kind of hilarious. I believe Merlin is coming back. Oh ya. But not in a hurry to show his Face. I'm noticing more clearly a lot of accumulated sludge in my soul. It's like dirty...and I'm like fuck...it's not going away. But, it is. Just slowly and probably steadily. And I actually kind of like this pace. When it isn't kicking my ass. 

What I'm noticing...

It's not as important to have outer success as I have believed...Reframed- The outer world is merely a reflection of our inner being, is not really real, and doesn't really matter. It is always changing, ephemeral. Being attached to it, does not bring about wellbeing. We should strive for balance while refraining of being overly attached to the results of our actions. What really brings us peace is the relationship we have with our self, and the awakening of our soul. The path of our soul is primary. It is most important that we pay attention to it, regardless of what is happening in our lives. The value of this inner-life is becoming more apparent to me. 

One more detail: Wisdom comes from all of the different parts of ourself. They are like fractured fragments of glass. They all fit together to form the bigger picture that is wisdom and right action. It is through integration of all our feelings, all the parts of ourself that we achieve mastery, not through the dominion of one or more parts over others. This is a key insight into the path of awakening and of the success of an individual within themselves and in the world. Seeing this, perseverance is necessary to push through to greater unity and understanding. Somehow dignity comes from this. Or humility that breeds dignity. Nobility...Somehow it makes us taller. I think because the end goal becomes more clearly in our sight, and we are attuned to it, this gives us virtue and grace. Because we give up more of ourself, much more freely, to get there. And we see with much more sympathy, the same struggle in others, the spirit within that struggle, and our common cause. We draw strength through these connections. In connecting to others and to life in this way, we connect more deeply to Spirit. May the fool in me become more Noble in spirit. 

Feelings and Awakening

 Never underestimate the value of your feelings. Through them we awaken. To grow, our feeling must expand and deepen. As this occurs our ability to process the content in our consciousness increases. The more we process, the sharper our insight and general truth sense. Feelings pass through the content of self-centeredness to selflessness. From initial God-contact to the fullest God-realization. The power of feeling deepens consciousness, expanding life, until it makes this God-contact. 

Through feeling we reach out to the infinite potential of God and draw from it to supercharge our consciousness. This liberates consciousness from sense bound awareness, from the suffering of mortal consciousness into the transcendent and infinite consciousness of God. Not expanding to God, the ego dissolves as soulful God-consciousness awakens. Not I, but the supreme I. Fully manifest Self. 

The world with all its obstacles transforms into an interactive embodied play of our own consciousness. We realize these obstacles come from our mind, from our karma, and instead of overcoming an external force through competition, to overcome these obstacles, we must realize the solution to unravel them that exists within our own consciousness. Ignorance, not external enemies keeps our success and wellbeing at bay. 

Through feeling we come to love God. By this love alone the load of negative karma lessens. It draws God's grace and mercy that free our soul. Through our relationship with God we awaken to liberated consciousness. 

God directs all activity in manifestation. When we yoke ourselves to Him, we let go of the resistance of egoic willfulness that generates darkness in one's consciousness, and in doing so, awaken to the Perfect and Infinite Will of God. Yoked to God, sharing our consciousness with His, we live in accordance with this Will and by it we receive Divine Blessings. His Will perfectly embodies Wisdom and Virtue. It perfectly embodies the uplifting principle of Spirit: pure positivity itself. Pure positivity goes hand in hand with perfect harmony, so when we yoke ourselves to His Will, to Him, we embody this uplifting  principle within ourself. 

The practice of yoga-God Communion establishes this principle as the centerpiece of our consciousness where its uplifting power naturally corrects our habits and attitudes freeing our soul and life from all forms of disease and disorder. We must feel God to know Him, and through our feeling persist in knowing Him. 

Through the feeling of our soul we learn of the Lord God and  of His Perfect Spirit. By this Spirit, we attain God-consciousness so that our consciousness dwells in Heaven even while our body appears on Earth. Through feeling or soul-intuition we come to know His Divine Will for us in our Earthly incarnation. We come to know what He wishes us to do with our lives and by living in accordance with this Divine Plan we are freed from evil while here on Earth. For only One perfect way exists through the miasma of Earthly consciousness. 

His is a way of Love. Of unconditional love and unconditional surrender in the Bliss of God-soul union, Self-Realiztion. It is a way of Wisdom, Virtue, Excellence, and Indomitability. It says, "I know I am Infinite, and I will not yield to any delusion of maya." I am the Supreme Soul, the Infinite Spirit. I am One and All. There is no other...

We are One with Him. Through feeling we awaken to this ultimate realization. Through communion with Him we gain conviction in what is true and by persisting in this conviction, in these feelings of soul and God and God-consciousness, we attain the Highest Goal. Ever-subtler, ever-deeper, until not one floating mote of dust exists between Thyself and the Lord. 

Beauty in this World in the face of Epochal Upheaval

 I think what is beautiful in this world is how open so many things are becoming. With this world and this age I see so many possibilities. It just feels like the Universe is opening up to us Terrans. I just think its wonderful to participate in this. It's not by any means perfect, but it is awakening, we are awakening, to deeper human potentials. I think how are hearts and our souls are changing, how they can change, despite all the conditioning that tries to keep them collapsed in a smaller space. To me it feels like the soul of the world is awakening despite all the shit that is happening on the surface. It just doesn't care. It is going to change. We are going to change. We just don't understand how far we will go over the next several hundred years. It's so beautiful, we are so beautiful. It's also sad and terrifying that things don't stay the same...It can be difficult to keep up with the change, disorienting. But I think our heart is at the center of it, our big beautiful world soul :) We have been waiting for this for so long. Working toward it for so many years. And it's all Divine Light guiding our way, guiding us forward, as we move out into new terrain, it is God and awakening God consciousness, our consciousness reaching for the infinite, the soul seeking Light Eternal. 

I just can't believe this is happening in my lifetime. It's insane. Yet here I am, here we all are. On the same planet, in the same Universe. It's fucking crazy. I just want to fully embody, it, this dramatic change coming to our planet and our civilization. I want to carry it like a flaming torch into the future. Because we are going, one way or another, this is our destiny, happening right now. 

We are awakening soul. We are awakening Light. We are Infinity. We are the manifest Transcendent. I pray that you all awaken deeply to your inmost being and self. Change is upon us, before us.  

Waking Up

 The Spirit awaits those who die. It offers a second life. It opens the vault of Heaven to a Universe of infinite possibility. Where we continue to learn and grow and change. This possibility exists within us in each moment. To face our death and pass into it. To pass into it and go beyond it. Here, our eye is open and we see a whole new world. Our spirit has awakened. We must answer the call of our spirit to live in this world. We must do what it asks of us. We must do so if we wish to be wide awake. 

When we wake up we live a radically different life. It may not appear so on the outside. It may also be a very similar experience in many way to what others typically experience. The difference is that one person is awake, and another is not. 

We wake up to Spirit. We see that our spirit is Spirit. We know that everything is really Spirit. It is both the most obvious thing and the most subtle and imperceptible until you see it. 

I don't think it happens the same way for everyone. When I woke up, I was 19 years old and it hit me like lightening. I didn't fully know what happened to me. In an instant my reality had fundamentally and permanently shifted. I had a brief period of clarity that lasted for perhaps a week in which I discovered and knew with exact insight that this clarity would pass and I would fall into a kind of semi-darkness as all the unplayed parts of my life continued to play out. Though they would pass now like train cars falling one by one off a broken track into the abyss. I would come back to this clarity after my life had played out apparently decades in the future. I'm not fully sure what the extent of that life was. I don't think I have reached the end though. The train cars of my life continue to plunge of the track as deeper and deeper parts of my self peel away in the light of awakening. What I can see now is that I am awake, and I have been awake since that moment. 

I think waking up occurs when that deepest part of ourself stirs and awakens. What's peculiar is that this may not mean we have fully realized every part of our self. It just means we know ourself as Self. We still have much more to do and become we just know it is all completely an illusion at its core as the world passes before our awakened consciousness. 

Nothing that has happened to me is as significant as this, and I don't think anything else will be. I also cannot put into words the experience I have had since I have awakened, nor how meaningful to me it has been. 

The Ego v.s. The Soul and...Fulfillment in Infinity

I've been going in and out of soulful consciousness. I notice how the ego has an agenda when it is in control. It attempts to control things to benefit itself, to gain what it believes is good. When my soul awakens, it becomes clear that this is foolish. Wisdom comes from listening to the soul and giving it space to blossom. The ego is attached to things being a certain way, it manipulates the universe to maintain these conditions, or to acquire them. The soul reaches for deeper Peace and harmony with the Universe. It has faith in the power of Peace and in the promise of providence that comes through pacifying our consciousness and our self. We pacify our consciousness in the vibrations of God. 

The Soul has different values than the ego. The ego wants to perpetuate itself. It wants to attain immortality. It will burn anything to achieve this. The soul is transcendent of the material world and is more concerned about its relationship with the Universe or God than in maintaining the life of the material body or of the ego identity. It sees the life within life, the spiritual life existing within the superficial layer of what appears to be a divided universe. The soul sees this inner reality as paramount, while the ego doesn't. The surface is the ego's only reality. 

Awakening to the soul drastically changes our values and our outlook. It becomes clear that rushing to attain an end is reckless. It is most important that we stay connected to ourselves as we move forward. The pace is not important, the connection and way we operate are. The most important thing is that we are connected to our soul, to God, this is what we value most. We cannot advance if we do not have this connection and if we do not put it first. It doesn't even matter where we end up, it only matters that we are awake to our soul and to God. 

The soul does not value the superficiality of the ego identity. It becomes sick of this identity, this shell or old skin and it wishes to die to it, or to cast it off. The ego gets in the way of the soul being the soul, the soul connecting to the Infinite. The ego tries to burn whatever it can to find God, yet it mistakes every kind of thing for God. It is looking for the infinite in the finite. As soon as God is discovered, the ego no longer is the ego, it dies and there is soul. I can tell you with perfect confidence that the ego cannot be maintained permanently on the path of God-Realization. We only wish to perpetuate it because we believe in it, and what is seen through it's eyes. We value this because we do not understand clearly enough the nature of the ego, the nature of the soul, and the nature of God. 

When we have sufficient realization, we will find God infinitely more valuable than the temporary pleasures of the ego. Infinitely more valuable, and infinitely more a necessity for our wellbeing. The emptiness of the ego becomes more apparent, it's inability to satisfy us and the crudeness and meanness of its character. What is infinite is indescribably satisfying and wonderful. The ego is like dog shit compared to ice cream. 

What's more is that the soul and God fulfill the self when the ego eternally falls short of the mark. This alone is reason to abandon the ego and take up the soul. The soul is where we are going, where we would like to get to, the ego cannot take us there, in the end it becomes clear it is merely a devilish trickster, a distraction from our true purpose and aim, our only real aim in life. We gave eternity and infinity with the soul, we have scraps and hell with the ego. 

We look for Infinity, yet most of us do not dare admit this openly. For we are so lost, the thought of this makes us feel terribly insufficient and lonesome. Truly, all we want is God, yet we have no idea how to get there. We have no idea what that means. Most of us are so utterly lost, so hopelessly lost. We have forgotten that that's what we really wanted so lost are we in time and space. 

The ego is what we get, what we aspire to, when we have lost our way, when we have forgotten God and the soul within that connects to Him. It truly is the way of the Hungry Ghost, or the Angry Titan, the Enflamed Demon. 

Interestingly, these are too expressions of the Soul. Equally Infinite even in their lowness. We simply do not experience them in this way. The are the experience of incredible lack within the Universe of Infinity. I think they may too be beautiful and noble. Perhaps even wonderful. They are expressions and manifestations of Spirit. I think they are beautiful. Incredibly beautiful. That they would come into being, so that life would be all that more interesting. So that what is temporary could be so infinitely moving, touching. 

The Spirit is incredible, marvelous. He created this world, that is so horrible until you awaken from it. Then it becomes so Perfect and beautiful. It is sublime.