A New Day

      Over the last 4 or 5 days, or maybe a week, my energies have had a particular character. I have felt slightly more confident in not forcing myself to do anything. I have felt slightly more like I am. When I spoke on a few occasions, I actually might have been speaking. Haha. This sounds ridiculous unless you know where I am coming from. The kind of presence I had was just entirely unfettered. If you have been on the dark night of the soul or you feel like you don't know who you are then you may understand. I have been anticipated these kinds of experiences for years, nearly a decade. I have given everything that I can to shedding what I felt wasn't real or me and allowed myself to undergo a great deal of suffering. Perhaps I didn't need to do this, but this is the way I went. This was the best I could do as far as I can tell. I hope it can be much easier for others. I hope I can use what I learned from my pains to make the way smoother for those to come and those who are coming. 
     Last night, I reached the end of this little segment. After resting and nearly napping for 6 or seven hours and watching 1 and a half Timothy Dalton Bond movies, which I am happy to say are better than I thought, my direction shifted. I had been without vision, ambition, direction except in that I was allowing my energies to play out as they were. I didn't know, or really even think much about where they were headed, I was actually feeling a decent amount of anxiety yesterday and couldn't see clearly at all, even if there wasn't much filling my heart in terms of personal ambition, what this movement was heading towards, but I think Gurdjieff, who I had been reading and understanding much better for the first time, imposed himself on my soul and set my sights truer as I absorbed his wisdom and abruptly changed my entire direction. From what I have read, Gurdjieff is all about human beings cultivating true being as opposed to mechanized, hypnotic, dream-like operation in which we are vaguely aware, dimly aware of what's really go on. He's about presence and the vigorous will to wake oneself up to the truth of themselves. Being alive and alert. I do not know if I can communicate what was happening to me, but it was of this spirit. At around 230 am this rush of composed yet vigorous and driven thought came to me. I was going to wake up earlier this new day and return to many of my, what had been largely absent during these last 5 days, personal ambitions. I felt vigorously enthused to re-engage them, as well as more confident than before that I could make healthy gains from them. Nearly all of my anxiety had vanished, an anxiety which was replaced by an instinctual and primal confidence given to me by the integrity of my vital energies that were stimulated by these new thoughts. A kind of Robin Hood, James Bond, vigorous primal confidence largely bestowed on those who are in the right in several kinds of ways, most importantly being the way they put their bodies on the line for the common Good and know it. They are not just right in thought and feeling, but they have brought this vision to their vitality and their senses. To their muscles, their flesh, and their organism, their animal. Great power is forged here, especially when the individual begins to walk around in the world, carrying this vigorous flame and shocking those around them with their sparking, passionate, vital energies. It's game time energy. It's realizing your mortality energy, that you are an organism of flesh energy. That you are this body energy. The raw passion of being a human being in a human body energy. What is often missing energy. What I will tear down the world with energy. And what I will rebuild it with energy. 
     I am going to write a book. I am going to write many books. This is one of many things I will do. I probably will engage myself in day trading over the coming weeks. I am going to make a lot of money. I am going to use this money to raise my vibration of energy so that I can receive clearer messages from God. So that I can spread my influence wider and deeper, and connect with many more people. I am going to speak out and speak up. I am going to plan, to research, awaken, build, spread, cross, heave, hew, spark, send, animate, spend, see, work, grow. I am the fire of the world. I am the will of life. I will breath vigorous life into this world. I will breath vigorous life into myself. I'm going all the way. 
I am the vigorous will of life.

A book a book a book a book. I will write a book. A book on paper, or on a screen. Not on a bag which is far too mean. Not crude, not loose, but flat and straight, the lines will grow, like rows of fate. A book with words, a book with things. A book, I hope, with gems that ring. Tailored to the waking eye. Misgivin to none, not I. A book with merit and lofty aim. That doth contain the spirit's game. A book for all, and yet to some, will this  merry book of mine come. Some soon, some late. Some fast, some wait. 

It rings and rings and rings so clear. And burns and burns and burns dear. It's just the start, one play, one part. One day, one dart. Today, I start. The words will flow like falling rain, onto the page of yesterday. I write, I sit, I will not twit. My aim is great, and so, I hope, is my fate. I ask for much and I burn quite hot, yet I think what I give returns my lot. I've spent great many a day bequeathing you, to deliver to me this holy food. Is mana my lot? When I'm out at sea? Is this really my destiny? I will not wait to grate and grate my teeth, dealing with what their is no knowing. I will stand, I pray, beside the Light, as it doth pour into my might. I will give with all that I can bear. To the world, which is my care. This book for you. This book for me. This book for all that I can see. Let it shine and let it wave, like the flag from some holy place in some holy day. Upon a hill, a sparkle in the distance, hope has returned! Let this book be it's witness! 
May what I give with what I say, be enough, to make you gay
Let my hand be guided, let my thought be inspired by the highest
Let this book provide in many ways, what has been missing from our days
On Gold rimmed paper will I write, on Gold rimmed paper will I strive
To emulate God's grace, to deliver God's ways
To stand in the Light, so that God I can praise
Let it be so
Amen