What does it mean, "The point of life". What is the point? Is their a point? Not to say that life is pointless, but is there actually a point of life? What the fuck does this mean? Is there anything we can count on? Is there anything substantial. Is there anything that we really are? Is all this temporary and meaningless? Is there anything to communicate? Is it all empty? What does that even mean? Everything's empty?
When I think of a point, I think of something that life comes out of. Something true. I'm wondering if there even is such a thing. Because life is an idea for that which encompasses all that is. This in itself is a presumption. The presumption that things are. Right now I don't know whether or not anything is... So this point is the underlying force of things being. I think that we often, and I myself right now, don't see past the duality of being and non-being. We think that obviously life is and that it definitely has meaning. I don't really know that it does...Not to say that it doesn't, but I think that the conclusion that life has meaning and is, without seeing through the dualism of being and non-being, doesn't cut it. Everything coming from this supposition is in thought-land. I think that the point of life, if there is one, is found when you cut through dualistic thinking.
I'm wondering if the entire notion of things being or things is an illusion created by the delusion that we live in a universe of forms. So let's go to the bottom of the belief or idea that life is a definite thing that comes from somewhere, that is born in this moment. So we can imagine the whole universe of creation, life. What's outside of that? Nothing? This is everything? Why cannot this too pass away? Why is it permanent? Why is it eternal? Is there nothing beyond it? Is space limited to being? Why does life have to be eternal? What does eternal mean?
What is life? Who are we? Is their anything we can grasp? If their is life, cannot life pass away? Everything else does... What is the point of life? What is real. What does real mean? Real means something that is here, now. So something that is... What's a thing? It is that which is versus that which isn't. A thing is also something opposed to something else, or nothing else. A computer and a chair, or a computer surrounded by empty space or nothing. The nothing or something else must be for there to be a computer. We can't imagine a computer by itself. Nothing exists without something else. Even if their are no objects around the computer, we, the subject must be present to witness it for it to be.
What does it mean to be? Thing and being are interchangeable. Without a thing, their is no being, without being, there is no thing. A thing is something that is. Being requires something. Or does it? I guess this is the point of my initial thrust. Am I? or am I not? What am I? Am I at all? If their is a point, then I am. I'm struggling with finding something that I am. With finding something that is real. And I don't fully understand what these words mean. I think I am struggling because I feel like I am, yet I cannot find anything that I am. Everything is illusory and transparent, passing. I am trying to express myself, but I cannot find a way to do so, I cannot find myself... In my mind I don't see how I am or how I could be... What does it mean to be? What is being? I don't think I can see through the duality and delusion of being and non-being. I don't want to half come out of it, then fall asleep again. Every time I think of something, I think of something. And this is not enough. My mind is trapped and I think their is an escape. If their is an escape that that isn't it. This is my point. I don't think that their is a point. I don't think that their is an escape. I don't think that their is anything to escape to. If you could escape to somewhere, then that place wouldn't be an escape. It would be another thing, another idea, another fiction. I must find something else, yet I cannot find freedom in anything else I find. So much bullshit in my head. It disgust me. Lol. sickens me. What an incredible joke. I am disgusted by things that do not exist, and I feel physically ill. This is my prison and my nightmare. It doesn't make sense, yet it is killing me. Killing my life, a life that can't be killed, because it doesn't exist. Wtf. How do I save myself, when the tools I can use don't exist, when the patient doesn't exist. When the world doesn't exist. This is the dream. I am surrounded by phantoms that don't exist. They torment me, yet this is all a dream. Nothing I can do will save me, because in trying to save myself I perpetuate the dream. I perpetuate the duality. So I sit in my torment and do nothing except suffer and let part of myself attempt to fight off the impossible. Only through my agony and ignorance comes sputterings of wisdom. Wisdom that doesn't exist. Not that I know. I keep on falling and crushing my head, stuttering and spinning. I can't slow down. I can't find anywhere to rest. If I do it doesn't last very long. Can I even wake up from this dream? Will what I wake up to save me? Or will it turn into another nothing, another empty stone. Trying and dreaming, lost in pursuits of joy and love. I don't believe in anything. Nothing at all. I am tired of bounding naively in fantasies. Tired of falling asleep in dreams just to have my head cut off over and over again. I just want to remain still where I am, somehow open. This too must be a dream. A dream of composure. A dream of success. A dream where I am separate from the world. Is their anything I can do to stave off this torment? Or is this simply the way of the world. I try to avoid suffering and madness, but is this impossible? Is it impossible to wake up from the delusion clutching my heart and my mind? Is it all merely a dream? Why does it matter what happens to me if I am not real? What does it matter if I cannot see a way out, I what I call myself is not real? Perhaps it is life to pass from joy to suffering to joy to suffering. Sanity to madness . We don't want it, but what choice do we have? Can we really stave off evil completely? We live in hope and expectation to be free of darkness, how much of this is out of our control? How much of this do we really have power over? Part of us clings to hope that the nightmare will end. Yet it continues and it continues. I guess it may end, but for most of us it won't. And even if it does. We will still be dreaming and in another time, we will come back to gloom and despair.
I still try to escape my suffering. It grows smaller and smaller as delusion falls away. Trying to cling to something. To some idea of everlasting bliss. But always in fear of pain and suffering. Always clinging to darkness and perpetuating its torment in my life. To truly be free of suffering, we would have to completely overcome our fear and delusion. And I am still learning. What's the point? I don't know if their is or isn't one. I don't even know exactly what this means? What is the point to or of life? If it is, can I know it?
Is the point of life important to know? When we know it, do we feel good? Reassured? Is the point of life seeing what life is? Seeing free of the fog of delusion? I think it does, if it does, have to do with sight. Seeing something and perhaps not seeing something else. What is it that we see? This must be the point if their is a point. When the fog of delusion has cleared, we see the point, right? Lol so what is this point that we see free of delusion? What do we see that we haven't seen? What was missing? What's missing now? If all this is true then something must be missing from our sight right now. Maybe nothing is missing from our sight and we just think and feel like something is missing because we are suffering so. Maybe the point is apart of what we call ourselves right now. This is what the wisdom traditions say. Nothing is missing, we just think something is missing because of our delusion. So what can I see, that I already have, that I think I don't have or don't see? I may even already see it, wise people would say that I do see it perhaps. So what do I think is not here that is here. I guess they may say kosmic consciousness or being present, or non-duality. What the fuck are these? Kosmic with a K muthafucka! Walcom Watts would say these are signs or fingers pointing to the moon. Mistaking the finger pointing to the moon as the moon is the same as mistaking Kosmic consciousness for Cosmic Conciousness. Ooo italics! italics....yea... special emphassisss. Emphasese! Emphose! What I'm saying is that are these things even what we think they are? Is the point really pointy? And what are they? Ya that too. Can I even speak the truth? Can anyone? Is their even truth to be spoken? Is truth temporary, relative, yet ungrounded in anything real? The key is seeing the delusion of thinking that something is a something that is far removed and definitely not nothing. And thinking that the point is something like this. My grandmother, who I live with with my family, who is losing her mind due to dementia just said, without being prompted, that she is afraid because she doesn't know who she is, where she is, or how she is. She's 93 with her head bent and slumped forward as she ponders somewhat fearfully her predicament. Her voice is small, yet warm, clear and surprisingly lucid compared to how she usually sounds. She feels incredibly vulnerable. Like she is naked in a vague unknown void and she is realizing this for the first time. Like she is speaking from a place beyond our world. Or at least the world that most of us experience, yet she sounds more strangely alive and present here than we often do. We think that something is separate from nothing, making the point something also not separate from nothing. We see something and nothing as two distinct separate things. Yet in our minds nothing is a something or else we wouldn't be able to imagine it. How could we imagine what we imagine nothing to be? Impossible, because a true nothing would not be able to be imagined. In the best sense, the word nothing must point to the aspect of life that is truly nothing. This true nothing would be impossible to describe in words, so it could only be pointed at with words. If we forget what it points to, then we may fall into the dream delusion of dualistic thinking. In our everyday imagination and thought most of us see something and nothing as separate and we have forgotten or never knew what these words actually pointed or point to.
We definitely have inklings of what these words point to, inklings dimly roused in our cinematic experiences, yet our waking awareness of these realities is largely nonexistent. What these words point to is what we call meaningful, importance, real, true. When we fall asleep in the conceptual world and forget our intuitive and instinctual connections to "reality" we lose that reality. And, we forget what that reality is and how to access it. We become horribly confused in our minds and in our thinking, desperately and stupidly attached to ideas and beliefs, when inside we are blind worms squirming in the darkness of the dirt. No offense. This is just how it is. No exception for me either.
This leads to the madness of the world, the inanities of our daily experience and our miserable search for what is real. So what's the point. Can't seem to hit the nail on the head. Hopefully, by this point, lol puns, I have raised the hammer high enough with my dominant arm and am prepared for a good swing. What's the point? It's what something points to that isn't different from what nothing points to. Maybe here, we will find our answer. I think we will. I think here we find the whole thing. Somehow emptiness is the key to life. The void is the bearer of form. Our point is without point, pointless. Yet it is sharp and defining. I don't understand how this makes sense, yet somehow it does. I wish to know more...Tis all for tonight! I will probably write another part tomorrow. Peace friends! Point-bless you!
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