To me, my inner world is as real or more real than the "outer world". The two are blended to a great degree. My experience is that the physical world is as transparent and fleeting as my feelings and thoughts, composed of the same fundamental energies, but perhaps with a slower rate of change. The outer world is simply another compilation of forms in an infinite sea of mind, which feels like an innerverse. There really is no in or out, they are the same. My life is like a lamp made up of countless bulbs that vary in brightness with time and altogether create the kaleidoscope which is the sum total of my ever-expanding and deepening feelings. Life itself seems to be an extension of myself, all of it, all of me expanding spontaneously in all ways at once. My consciousness of this phenomena is like the rolling of the waves and is determined by the functioning of my body and perhaps my soul. Like an inconsistent current of energy passing through a complicated machines with components subject to failure and stress.
I have come what subjectively feels like great distances to expand my life into unbounded, direct oceanic experience where the individual will becomes more of a sea of pointed change rather than an isolated point. The individual has to a large extent merged with the volition of the world, not through change in fundamental structure, but through an awakening of perception. We have always been the sea. It's what we really are. It is what being is.
Although I have gained this oceanic perspective in subtle and complicated ways, I maintain my sense of being an individual. I actually feel more like myself. I have scrubbed off much of the haze and grime covering the headlights of my 2003 Honda Civic and my true feelings, my true sense of self, of being a human being has shone through perhaps partially. I think it's really a wonderful experience to be becoming "an awakened individual". Kind of like being a kid, except kids have the feeling of being the whole, but not the cognition of the actual whole. This human body is an instrument I inhabit to enjoy and experience the universe in a very full-flavored way. It seems as though human beings are uniquely gifted (compared to other life on Earth) to enjoy and experience a staggering array of universal forms. We are multidimensional from matter all the way to the divine and gifted with self-consciousness. To me, we seem to be perfect beings based on the mechanics of our overall being. I don't see anything that we cannot do on any level of reality.
I often seek perfection of myself and I wonder if this is a complete waste of time. Not that I can completely stop if I wanted to. Unless I can...? Part of my life is living through and working with ongoing streams of artifice, fears, and doubts that seem pretty unfounded to me. It seems like this being lacks the light to eradicate them completely, but then again, why do I need to? If the joke is out, it's that we have absolutely nothing that we need to do to become fulfilled, however you want to put it. Life is inseparably whole all of the time. We don't need to stop seeking or be a better person, we can't be a better person really. Maybe in the future, but when does that happen? If we are negative, we are negative. If we are positive, we are positive. Life doesn't judge us, we judge ourselves and we judge eachother. Nothing is outside the scope of what we may call fulfilledness. We are simply ignorant. And it doesn't matter at all that we are, at least in an absolute sense. The thing that stands out the most to me is that we simply are as we are, and the world is as it is. To such a profound degree that it seems silly to worry about what will or won't happen. Life is born and it dies, people have a wide variety of feelings and inclinations and do a wide variety of things. We strive in varying degrees for good and for harm and nothing changes us from being human except perhaps death. We will do bad and we will do good. We will be honest and we will lie and manipulate. We may change for the better or worse. All in all, we are just human beings being human beings. Nothing we can do will take us outside of ourselves, removing us from our natures so I don't see the point in worrying about things if I can help it. There is nothing wrong with our misery. It is natural to be miserable and to experience what is terrible. It is also natural to want to eliminate misery. All of this is to be human. We don't have to do anything to be a human being. The point is, that there's nothing wrong with us, perhaps nothing right as well. We just are the way that we are. And I guess, seeing this feels liberating to me and creates ease in my life. Maybe it will in yours. I guess too, we can relax in stressful times and let the world do what it's going to do.
Peace trucking bros
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