Nothing else but this

 I was thinking that a big part of striving is striving for what we will gain in the future and then how the future doesn't exist. How there is nothing but this whatever the hell it is. I think this is a huge flaw in our reasoning. Doing all this work in anticipation. I think we can be a lot better off if we realize clearly how there is no tomorrow, not even a today. Just now. There is no way this moment is, it is simply how it is. No way it will be, simply how it is now. What it is the next moment, is the now moment. This now is all that exists. I think here is where life is, and when we think about tomorrow we lose sight of the reality of this moment which is the only reality. I think without clearly seeing here, we cannot reason successfully. Because this is it. There is nothing outside of this. Our minds tell us there is and we believe them, but are they telling the truth? I think we spend most of our lives avoiding the reality of this moment. We try to save enough to save ourselves and maybe someday we'll look. Doing this just pushes us further away from what is. It is the opposite of what we want to be doing. We are just confused and doing our best, but this doesn't succeed in fulfilling what we want to be fulfilled. Unfortunately it cascades into boggy boggy poopy poopy. No fun, not really good. We don't have to live this way. With one hand in the shitter and the other on the driving wheel. We can free both hands and then employ them consciously in whatever feels appropriate. I think it feels so good to stand apart from the world, when the world is a world that is distracting from our true spirit. Which is just being free from all of this in this moment and being all of this exactly as it is. Seeing the fullness of this moment is seeing who we are and who we are is everything that is arising now. I think this moment is always full, even if we don't see it. We don't need to, but we can. I think the truth is that we are always totally open to it, Buddha just includes not feeling a whole lot like Buddha. This is why I think that this is it regardless of what is going on. I think personally we can learn to not depend on anything, but we don't need to. I think the reality of everything is unconditioned. I think conditioned reality and conditioned being is an illusion, a part of the full expression of fully transcendent being. I think the truth is that everything is one and the same and we are each the full manifestation of Buddha. This makes a lot of sense to me. Because the universe is complete, Buddha is here. And it is our nature as we are. There is nothing wrong with anything we do, we are already perfectly awake perfectly fulfilled, this is why striving is undesirable. Everything is truly that and that is this exactly as it appears. I don't think there is anything wrong with the world or with anyone or anything. All of this is Spirit, fulfilled fully manifest Spirit. I think we get caught up in things and think otherwise, we get caught up on particulars and lose sight of the untaintable truth that abides here. Not even the victory of Spirit, but the fully present reality of Spirit that is all that exists. Buddha, Buddha, Buddha. Not seeing, not knowing, Buddha as a smiling child covering his eyes. Buddha is home and home is where we are. All things, all places, Buddha. Buddha is the infinite universe. The infinite universe is apart of the expression of Buddha. It is apart of the infinite. I don't know if I can say it other than this. I think it is simply how things are. I don't understand how it is possible for part of the infinite to be concealed, perhaps this is simply the unsolvable mystery of being. Because it is concealed, but it is not really concealed because the universe of form is illusory. We experience this illusion, yet we don't...because it's not really happening...yet it does happen to us...or does it?...I think the truth is that it really doesn't happen to us because we are not really us, we are Buddha and everything is Buddha. I really believe this is true. Somehow I think the experience of not being Buddha is exactly the same as full consciousness of Buddha as Buddha. I think what is going on is that I think of Buddha being separate and different from non-Buddha, which is obviously impossible because everything is Buddha. Duh lol

Out of this world

 Waking up is such an interesting phenomena. Realizing that who or what I am is already perfectly complete in this moment. Perfectly fully established. In such a way that what happens to this individual being is inconsequential. I have had such strong feeling of wanting to grow and to become. What I was looking for, I already am. I don't need to reach it or become it. It already is and nothing I can do affects this in any way. It seems to me now that everything that I thought I was isn't who I am. That this whole becoming process is an illusion. That I have never been this individual who was born on Earth and has grown into an adult. Or I have, but I have always been the entire universe and this individual is simply one of an infinite number of creations or expressions of my self. My qualities aren't what I thought they were. I am a totally different specimen. With radically different standards and dimensions. Now I just really feel different form other people. I feel more removed from this world. Everyone is consumed with gain and perpetuating themselves. This to me feels like a play now that will unfold whether or not I am interested in participating. People take it so seriously. I think this is because they don't see what it really is. I wish more people could step back and realize what is happening. We would stop hurting so much. It really seems to me that getting caught up in all of this is missing the point. It seems like all of this points to something else and that is what is important. That is what makes sense and can guide us. It is what is real. We don't have to continue living the way we are. We can change. We always can. We always have the power to change however we will. It depends on what we see and what we believe in. If we want, none of this can stick to us. None of it can hold us down. I don't think any of it really does anyway. We just think it does. 

The Rain Behind the Clouds

 Behind the clouds, it is raining. Behind the clouds lies the sea of dependence. It is filled with the rain from the sky that lies behind the clouds. Here the dharma is clear. Not one drop commands our attention, we know it is raining and that the dharma is that of rain, falling from the sky into the sea, and the sea that is what all that we are depends on. We depend on this sea so much that we do not exist. The tears are so powerful that they consume us. What is known is raining beyond the clouds. We are extinguished. Drops falling from the sky melt together seamlessly into the sea...

I am not anything in this world. I am not of this world. There is no world to be of or from. I cannot depend on anything here. I cannot depend on anything at all. What can I see to depend on? The dharma stands clear without bearing, I find my refuge here, in this absolution. 

The human heart is a feeling heart. I do not depend on these things, but it is through them that I realize who I am that is beyond what we call the world. It is not by denying them, but by fulfilling them that I realize who I am that is beyond all of this. It is not by denying life that I realize truth and fulfillment, it is that I live that I know who and how I live. That what I see is not truly who I am, but a part and a flake of who I am. A flake which upon consciousness of the deep has no existence. No form, no way, consciousness is born. From everything without depending on anything I spring into being. Denying what is uncomfortable is not the way, the way needs no crutch, it carries everything within itself and is fulfilled step by step without dependence on anything. Unless it depends upon everything, and everything has no place here because it is not consumed by anything. What stands does not stand upon anything. It does not stand no where, it stands no where at all. This is where I am, this is where everything is. The whole world and the whole universe stands upon not a single thing. How could it? Where would anything end if you could never find where it began? Having no beginning, it needs no ending. It needs no particular qualities because it has no particular qualities. This is the only way it can be the way it is. If it was limited in anyway at all, it wouldn't be anyway at all, because no way that is limited or that depends upon anything exists anywhere at all. 

As a human being, I depend on everything that is here because everything here is apart of who I am. My breath is the movement of the whole universe expanding and contracting throughout itself. No particle lies outside this. There is no end to this movement. Yet everything here is not what it appears to be. Everything here appears to depend on everything else, and here it does, but what it is is not what it appears to be. This dependence is not the nature of my being. All of these things are not what they appear to be. They are not divided, not set apart. There is nothing set apart. And for this what can I depend upon? If nothing is set apart, what is better than anything else? What can be identified from anything else? What has different quality, or different worth than anything else? What can be pursued apart from anything else? What has unique special quality that is desirable above other things? There are no other things, there are no choices. No path, no life. I cannot find my way here. No separate path will lead anywhere profitable, it will end in snares. I cannot find a separate path. I cannot find a way. I do not depend on anything here. I do not depend on anything at all.

I owe my existence to something which we cannot cling to. I cannot deny it. I cannot deny anything. This thing is like water springing from the ground without any trace of where it comes from, it in fact like everything else does not come from anywhere. In trying to cling to this springing of water we restrict its flow and become thirsty. In clinging to life we become lost and blind. When we recognize that the water does not come from anywhere in particular and in so does not depend on anything in particular, we stop trying to exploit it, because we know we can't. It is impossible to cling to the water, just as it is impossible to cling to ourselves. Both ourselves and the water come from nothing, depend on nothing and are truly nothing. This is not a nothing that we wear that is the antithesis of something. It is a nothing that is a nowhere, not here or anywhere at all. Just because it can't be pointed to, doesn't mean it isn't anywhere to be found. It just means that how we see things, is not in fact how they are. Things are not really things. Because things are things because they stand apart from eachother with different qualities. I am saying that none of this is real and that what is real is what lies behind all of this apparent seeing and being that we call reality. This is impossible for you to comprehend because it is beyond comprehension. We say, "I understand", to communicate what is beyond what we call our world, that which is beyond what our knowing is. All of our knowing, culture, beliefs, and identity to me is largely meaningless in the face of truth. It obviously and definitely has meaning to us, but to me, all of this is not what it appears to be, and ultimately lacks any substance whatsoever. Because, what we believe is substance and has substance, does not in fact exist and cannot anywhere be found. When what we call substance is substanceless, all of this appears meaningless in the face of truth. 

When we depend on things, our heart becomes distant from us. We become dependent on things and encumbered by them. When we recognize truth and abandon clinging in recognition of truth we can be free from dependence and darkness and clinging. These things are apparent manifestations of truth that are undesirable and unpleasant for human beings.When we recognize the truth deep within we can abandon all forms of clinging, all dependences, all binding laws, and be free from all forms of suffering. What suffering may be is belief in the power of a law of nature over us that is disproportionate to its true degree of power over us. When powers are put into proper perspective we recognize that we don't need to be slaves to any power, to any belief, to any form. The natural power of our innermost nature is sufficient to dispel all conflict and trouble. In relying on this power we remove ourself from the sea of contests and tribulations in which powers are set against eachother in constant war. Until we realize the true nature of things, we will desire to obtain what we may from this roiling sea because we believe that it is worth pursuing, that it will grant us peace, fulfillment, satisfaction, security when the truth is nothing in this place can. We will do everything in our power to root ourselves somewhere in this sea of chaos. We do not believe that we can truly escape it, we do not know, and we do not see the truth of the power that lies within us. Beyond this place is an untouched landscape. Low hills and plains, wetlands filled with water from the sky. The Earth is untouched undefiled. Clean and pure and good. The water falling from the sky allows everything to grow, there is no one or nothing here to despoil it so it increases in plentitude without disturbance. Religions call this Heaven, but it is not a heaven anywhere to be found by anyone of us. It is not to be found by anyone for it is only found by those who truly lose there self. Not to find a new one, for this self does not depend on flesh, bone, blood, soul, or substance. It does not depend on any form we could call human, me or mine, person, people, right. It does not depend on knowing, attaining, consisting, being. When the strength of the sun's rays disperse the morning mist, the mist no longer exists. The sun does, but the mist has not become the sun and the sun is not mist, the two are entirely different things. If we think that we can continue to exist in some heaven forever, we have entirely missed the point. When we see that there is no point whatsoever in clinging to our individual existence and that in fact pursuing such a path is the heart of suffering, we will willfully abandon such clinging. In time, as this realization unfolds, the truth will become ever and ever apparent until the sky has been completely besmirched of clouds. We cannot attain this by clinging to our individuality. Selfishness breeds selfishness until it breeds the selfless light within that leads to the realization of that which is totally beyond this world. 

This power is incomparable, undeniable, and ultimate. It is True when everything is false. It is real and I believe nothing else exists. It is the God of our religions unmasked from ages of struggling to understand. It does not belong to anyone, anything, nor does it reside anywhere that we can find with limited human consciousness. With all this being said, it is here, it is now, it is all. 

Each power that we cling to is an orb in the subtle spiritual sky. All of these orbs make up a vast subtle spiritual universe. Each of these orbs are one point in the infinite blaze that is the power of God. All powers are truly the undivided transcendent God. In truth, there is only one power and it cannot be grasped by our mortal consciousness. This consciousness see things in terms of dualities. To see God, we must look beyond a divided universe. We have to look beyond this way of seeing and understanding, we cannot find it here among these things. It is not in this spectrum of looking, understanding what this means is the trick, finding the edge of what is our mortal consciousness and what is beyond. Easy once you discover it, impossible until you do. This is what we should bend ourselves to achieve. Not to acquire anything here at all, but to see with crystal clarity the distinction between what is real and what is false, so that we may step out of the life that we have that by nature is unfulfilled instead of fruitlessly trying to use what is irrevocably broken to sustain what is infinite. 

What we discover is that God and His nature is abiding. That we do not need to attain it, or even discover it, because His nature is the only nature that permeates all realities. Our mortal existence and it's complexities have no legitimate power, nature, or substance. Everything is the infinitie abiding presence which lies beyond all things. Truly beyond everything. Realizing this, we refrain from striving at the expense of this truth to make gains on Earth. Our human priority becomes Spiritual and our human lives become secondary. It is good to live well, but not necessary. Pursuing personal gain at the expense of the wisdom of the truth of God is deeply flawed and unwise. Pursuing the wisdom of God through the renunciation of worldly pursuits via realization of God is the highest way to attain personal fulfillment on Earth and anywhere in the universe. Such a path is Yoga, is divinely inspired and is the highest good. It is unparalleled. Such is the way of liberation from the limited and confining powers of a mortal universe into the full realization of the infinite transcendent and highest power that is god. It is God's infinite power that frees us from the lessar powers of our mortal universe. His infinite wisdom that clears a path for us. God is a spring of wellness within the heart of our lives and of this universe. A spring of liberating power and wisdom. There truly is no other path and for us human beings, this is the only path to liberation and fulfillment. It is singular. We must become singular so that God may enter us and we may recieve Him. So that we can recieve Wholeness and find completion. All things must come together and unite, this can only lead to one synthesis and one body that is the synthesis of all things. There is only one way in which all these things fit together, a way that we discover is already established and already complete as the transcendent infinite abiding nature that is God. All forms, mortal consciousness, weaving together become this as they penetrate into the abiding field that already is this now. We only believe they are separate, that we need to unite ourselves. God already is, and already is seamless. What is broken, unformed, disparate, is illusory. The seamless body of God only resides in and as the universe. There is no universe apart from it. 

In this way, as the path is clarified and as we intensify our pursuit of Him, we relinquish our aim of succeeding in Him and as Him, for we realize we are Him in that He is already Here Now as This. Clinging to nothing life unfolds before us, one thing no better than another because in God all things are one and alike, illusory forms floating in the Sea that is the Mind of God. God is Infinite and Eternal and nothing can change this. 

Saying this, where do I stand? 

Seeing things clearly

 No hand to hold. Sitting here staring. A current of life. Swirling in the cosmos. Full of many colors. I find I am among each of them, they stand out like the features of my body. This here. That there. I see myself extended. I can see where I end, and where I begin and I can't find a difference between the two. As high as this mountain climbs and as clearly as I can see its peak, I see it stretching infinitely upwards. I am lost in this infinite expansion. Lost in this violet spaciousness. The angles of this world bring lines of force down upon my soul. It is through these lines of force, these suffocating cords that I see the infinite stretching before me. Cries of anguish echo into and intoxicating bliss that ends in anguish. What waves will do to the heart that rides among them. A wave, a heart. A heart, a wave. A sea of hearts, a pool, the depths of my ever churning mind. Cities arise. Lives flicker like fireflies. I ponder, I reflect, I become. Standing in the middle of each thing as it is born, as it is sustained, and as it diminishes and ceases to exist. Sitting and dreaming, twining, and unraveling. That which emits the chorus of sound behind all form. Creating song in the deep, on a restless organ. Spinning together the fabric of space and time in which we find ourselves. I can't find a reason to cling to anything. I am no drop of water, no river eddy, my place is not in the stream. I sit on the shore in the green grass. Water passes by me. It is all water, formations are temporary. Water flows downstream. What I could grasp, I could not keep. What I believe it would be, does not at all seem to be what it is. I am no drop of water, no river eddy, the water is flowing, all of it together, it is not apart, none of it is apart. When water flows downstream I do not believe in any drop of water, nor in any current. Water merely flows downstream. I am so wet that I am beyond being wet. My dreams are currents, eddies and drops of water. Spinning out of my mind, a spring gushing from a crack in the rock of the Earth. What control do I have over this water spilling forth? What care do I have do direct water spilling out of the Earth and forming channels as it does? What does it matter to me where rivers carve their way? Anywhere is as good as anywhere else. The Earth is open and unspoiled. Where a river runs does not affect the quality of the Earth. The ground is unbroken and free. Wherever water flows, it carves its way effortlessly through the land, and the land is there to be carved by it. All I see is open land and open sky. Water flowing evenly across the land untouched by anything else. When water flows in such a way, what else can I do? What else is there to do? Water flowing across the land. I sit on my perch on a green hill and watch the water spread out below and around me. Water, Earth, and stone, sitting on a hill this sight fills my human eyes. My body is an expression of this. My life and my thought. I am water, Earth, and stone. Electric water flowing out of a crack in stone that cuts its way through the Earth. I cut my way through this life, into this Earth. I cut my way into the Earth, I cut my way into myself. My eyes, reflections within placid slow moving river surfaces. Looking out at a sky I do not understand. How did this get apart from where I am. Water mingling with Earth? The sky I do not understand. It or what is in it. How did the sky become so empty of things? How did it come to stand there? This is truly a mystery. I cannot peer into such emptiness. Without water carving through Earth I cannot see. All I know is this. I am content nestling myself into the Earth as it is carved away by water. Perhaps when all the Earth is carved away, all is left is sky. A sky without a self, that is self. Looking at all of this, I wonder where I stand.