The Sky is Alight with Fire

 Fire fire in the sky fire fire in the sky! I was thinking about how I think about improving habits I have. How I cringe when I do something I don't like and I focus my will to align it with what I enjoy, my positive feelings. How I wait for a time when it will be aligned and how I feel responsible for what I do that I think is wrong...But...I am not responsible because there is no self...I am not in charge here because I do not exist. There is no one to be making mistakes or to be responsible for these mistakes. I am not responsible for correcting them because I am not here. I did not make them in the first place. I am not tied to what is happening because there is no self for what is happening to be tied too. No responsibility, no guilt, no shame. There is no doer, no center of command, no soul. Nothing there, nothing at all. There is no self at the end of the tunnel. Fucking crazy. Pure fucking emptiness, everything is emptiness. Nothing here at all. No self. No life. No death. Nothing we imagine. No black, no white, absolutely nothing at all. No green, no blue. What do I do with myself? Do I even exist do do things with? How can I resign myself to this reality when I don't even exist. When I am completely out of control. Am I even here at all? It is as if I am emptiness. I am nothingness, and this doesn't mean I have a self. It means that nothingness is the nature of the self. And there never was anyone here to begin with. My life is seamless with all aspects of my environment in every way. I am as inert as the computer and the table upon which I write. As lifeless as the room I write in. I am not alive. There is no such thing as life and death. These are ideas. There is no difference between matter and spirit. These are ideas. There is no difference between anything at all. I have been afraid of the void all my life. It is inescapable. Afraid of darkness. Afraid of death. Afraid of failure. Disappointment, shame, guilt, vulnerability, fear, anger, hate, suffering, hurt, illness, people, my environment, my imagination, society. All of this is inescapable, all of this is inseparable from what we cling to. It is what we cling to. In clinging to life, we cling to death. In clinging to joy we cling to suffering. You cannot have one without the other. Nothing is separate. Nothing is distinct. There is no difference. When you run, you run into fires in the sky. You run into hell. If you wish to avoid death, you must face it. Otherwise it will cling to you like wetness clings to water. You cannot escape death. What is death if death is inseparable from life? What is death if there is no self. Is then death the ceasing of a form? If you do not exist to embody this form, then what is there to fear of death? What harm can it do to one that doesn't exist? Do forms even exist? Or is it simply in our imagination where there is a multitude? Where there is a difference from this and that, where one life is distinct from another. Is there not one body, or no body? To know yourself, you must face your unreality.