Going back and forth between what you do not understand. Allowing yourself to experience your feelings and the way you react to new information. Allowing yourself to be whatever is arising now, unattached to the content and its appearance. To the point of perhaps the dissolution of the self that allows this to happen. Complete merging with the flow of life that you may say exists outside or within you. The separation between this flow and yourself is imaginary. It is the egos attempt at protecting itself from a world it fears. A fabrication in the mind, an illusion of control, an illusion of self. Living here does not lead towards fulfillment and realization. Working towards the security of this maintains illusion. Perhaps who we really are has some kind of choice as to what to pursue, perhaps not. A greater self is not found through this maintenance. This egoic service must melt away into merging with the flow to move on. What remains I do not know. What blossoms after this I do not know. The emptiness I experienced last night was one of the truest experiences I have had, if I can even say that. When I was there there was no self. It's easy to imagine that this means something negative or is a denial of existence, it is not in its pure form. It can not be understood unless it is experienced. We often feel uncomfortable at what undermines our sense of comfort and security, the notion that we do not exist. We imagine that without ourself we lose control of this security and are vulnerable to attack. This feeling keeps us from understanding what emptiness is. If this is empty of self, then how can we be threatened? There is no we to be hurt. We don't want to give up our desires, our lusts, our ravenous appetite. We want to feed on the world like beasts and take pleasure like worms ecstatically wriggling in the dirt. Blind and dumb. It's mine. You can't have it! I do exist! This is mine! It seems immature now. So much covers our ego and narcissism, our selfishness. Good and bad. A gem hidden from the world. A gem of worms and blood. It's astonishing that we cling to something as nasty as this. As we get older we don't face it anywhere close to directly, our society does not let us be so selfish, but we are. So we find ways to bury it, conceal it, yet keep it always painfully close where we can stroke it in disturbing ways. It seems really sick. The thing is though, in a way, it is not ours. Because we don't exist. There is no self. It is hard to embrace the darkness when your world is so afraid of death. When your society clings so desperately to life that it becomes a ghost. That path lay mostly untrod. Death is stored in nursing homes and as the sustenance of mental illness. In the cracks and fissures of our sense of community. We hold our breath to save it and starve the body of oxygen, of life. We surround ourselves with so many boxes and walls. We are drowning far beneath the surface of the ocean. Sinking and struggling. So many barriers to breath. What would a culture be if it could naturally face this darkness? Let if flow from the river into the sea. Mix in the estuary, be thoroughly washed out. Who would we be now? If we took down the walls, the fences, the shabby buildings. If we held eachother. If we listened to the Earth. Let this pain and this fear pass. Let this weight slip through our fingers. Let the sweet smell of Spring fill our minds and caress our thoughts. Let the gentle wind encourage us. Let us rest in peace.
What if a spiritual renaissance comes to the United States. What if an ascetic movement sweeps our nation? What if massive numbers of people drop their possessions and their life for the road towards God? What if this hellish sickness loses it's strength and falls apart in the awakening of a soft and warm light. What if society is completely turned on itself and this corporate stranglehold loses considerable power if not all its power. What if we go back to the land, back to the Earth, back to our senses. What if we turn inwards to spirit and the gentlest of loves. What if a soft Spring comes to this land? What if the old structures fall? The old Gods? What if there is a Great Healing? What if we unite with the land? If we harvest the wisdom collecting in our minds? What if the world that we know drops away? The tenseness, the edginess, the incessant fear and illness? What if a spiritual movement seized the land and people walked around as in the days of old. In the times of Jesus. In ancient India during the time of Buddha? What if this happened in the United States, Europe, South America? All over the world? What if the world order completely turned upside down? What if God and Spirit truly became our leaders? What if through this great upheaval we find ourselves and we found our soul and we came together in a new way? If we built a new world from a place of enlightened conscience? If we retook the land, retook the people, retook decency? If we completely transformed consciousness on our planet. Godcentric. Lovecentric, Wisdomcentric. What if our roots and foundations became lovelight? What if this comes to pass? What if?...
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