Still changing

 Last weekend and early this week my energies changed a lot. It pushed me to a area that I had partially forgotten about, and some changes have happened that make me rethink a lot about where I thought I was and how I thought I was developing. Previously I saw my development proceeding in two different major lines, I thought that I had just moved from blue to orange, from the holy ghost to christ, and then the backside line that was opening up to pure emptiness. These seem to have merged into one line in the last several days. It felt like my orange was pushing into green and then I believe in the same day, it shifted to pure emptiness. I have had a lot of new insights. It seems like the whole chain of color development is just a shift of conditioned being from one paradigm to another, while remaining the same conditioned being the whole time, it continues upwards through christ until it fully dissolves into pure emptiness. I thought that I had to steadily progress through all the colors and stages slowly over the years and I thought each of these developments was meaningful, but they are just all conditioned being and none of it is real. I think because consciousness here has already passed through all of the stages up to pure emptiness I don't think I need to spend more time working over them one by one. I thought that I had to grow up through them, I didn't realize that they all are not worth clinging to and that the entire process of growing up through them is just self striving. The stage of pure emptiness is dropping all striving altogether, and I had done this internally, but not in the way I was expressing myself outwardly. I had made what I thought was a big shift from red impulsive egotistical to blue conformist, I didn't perceive that the blue and all the upper stages are all conditioned striving. I didn't think I could get to that yet. But the whole procession just slipped upwards and I realized that it wasn't as deep as I thought it was. I didn't have to wade through it all and dive deeper, my awareness was much closer to penetrating through it than I thought, it wasn't a deep insight that was needed, just an accurate understanding of what was already present. It seems now that I am in between no whip and no ox, at home dreaming quietly, and pure emptiness, it seems that pure emptiness is coming on, and I am glad that it is. I don't have to completely drop my ego I don't think, or go to any extremes. I think this is about noticing that the world of form is constantly in flux and becoming detached to it as a whole, a dropping of conditioned being as the center of consciousness. Which isn't anything that I do, this stage is about deeply realizing their is no self, no individual being. That the individual human being that we believe we are is a mental construct, and has no reality. This self includes the whole perception of a universe full of tangible forms, when the individual self drops, the world drops with it, this is also a dropping of conditioned mind as the center of consciousness. It is the end of striving, which is the nature of self, striving itself is equatable with uneasiness. There is nothing to this stage because it is formless, there is no transformation of self, because self ends here. This is the end of the road of the upwards growth of self,