Circles

 About 6 years ago I started going the process of becoming Merlin. It took place over the Fall and Winter of 2020 and 2021.The power of Merlin and really being him only lasted a month and a half. I never fully moved into that space. I maintained the name for 4 years and then Sunny awakened. Who also faltered and fell. 

In the Winter of 2021-2022 I was coming into Power and Mastery and then unexpectedly it all fell apart. The energy and power and consciousness I had been building for years collapsed. I was deeply hurt, yet I realized my folly came from immaturity and the ambition to misuse my power. I was exploring my ego and growing into it, yet I may have become lost in it and not continued past it, if my energy matrix had not collapsed. I realized this after the fact and submitted myself to the painstaking task of restraining my selfish impulses in order to grow beyond them. 

My power remained in limbo due to the dynamic of different developments of consciousness I passed through. I think I felt intuitively it was not an appropriate time to access it. I would have been overwhelmed by it. It would have produced the same mania I suffered before. Fortunately I was able to restrain myself and let go of it. Since then I have learned a great deal and have done a lot of growing. I have been in a much more positive space overall even with many ups and downs and several set backs. The arc has been upward. 

I have studied deeply the structures of consciousness and the phases of God-realization and spiritual awakening, using this knowledge to uplift different strands of my own consciousness at different levels of development. I have felt called to join community and take on leadership roles. Slowly learning how to lead others, to build community, and to work collaboratively with different kinds of people. This work can only be done by participation and by years of engagement. It changes you and your priorities revealing the need for us to come together as a society and in community for the wellbeing of all, including ourselves. I do not think we can achieve mastery of ourselves without mastering our relationship and shared life with others, without living for the common interests of all  by our daily action and thought. I think it is easy to become small and alienated in our current society where selfishness and self-interest easily dominate motives. To me, this kind of living is unnatural. Yet we don't have the leadership and directives to guide people elsewhere. 

My energies have evolved considerably and today I find myself in circumstances closely mirroring that of 2020 6 years ago. When my energies collapsed I head an astral gong sound and a clear and powerful intuition emerged in my awareness. It said that I would lose everything, but that it would come back and that it would work the next time. This intuition and its power faded quickly and become forgotten. I was no longer myself, fully Merlin, and could not access that depth and height of awareness. I sank back into my mental conditioned consciousness and lost the ability to go beyond it. I forgot who I was and what I was working towards. 

Then suddenly last Fall, my drive as Sunny the achiever, the orange-objective enthusiast lost the will to continue in exhaustion. Sensitive green emerged, then quickly the lower sorcery of Magic at the Material side of the Gate to the Spirit World. This quickly led to penetration to the other side and some kind of High Integral Good seeking that lasting until a month ago. Glimpses of Merlin arose and He was remembered, yet nothing substantial has happened until this October when High Blue became Purple and Luminous Yellow Moonlight. 

I have been processing a lot of chaos over the last year and it seems to be the last of whatever was between me and Merlin. Out of the chaos comes the awareness of the powers I lost, on the edge of my reach, but within my conscious attention, with the promise that they will move ever nearer to the center of the circle of my power. 

While meditating I had a clear insight that Merlin was coming back. I have begun thinking about things I had bought while Him and things I had done that maintained Him. I am losing the ability and desire to do things as I have done them and discovering a longing for something much greater. My psychic awareness has been awakening which I find incredibly comforting. With it perceptions of Soul and the Spirit World. 

Merlin was not afraid. He was fearless because he had Mastery and knew the World. He had dropped the mask of his lessar self and lived in a different world. He moved with the Universe being aware of its flow. He was One with it. He is a Wizard, and a Sorcerer. A Druid. He is also a Falcon. 

I don't know what all of this means, but I am beginning to know that I will remember. I will see, and the way will become clear. 

2012-2013 Pre shit

2013-2014 shit, home, ca, fed ex

2014-2015 fed ex, stop fed ex living with Dee, move in with ted, portland in sept

2015-2017 sept -sept green heron

2017-2018 march or april- no work in Portland, move back to Valley

2018 March-November, worked for Shamballah, started in schools

2018 November-February 2019 Subbing in BE, Hired in February at Bayview

2019-March 2020 Worked at Bayview till COVID