Complete Unknown

 I went to bed last night a few hours later than usual. As I lay in bed I looked around my room and it hit me how all of this is totally explainable. We have no idea why any of this came to be and I wonder if we ever can know. I don't think there is any way of fully understanding what is going on. I think so much of the universe is beyond comprehension. And this is the reality we live in. Plopped right down in an unsolvable mystery, endowed with incredible consciousness. I think what hit me hardest was that so much that we consider familiar is really not. It's totally alien. We think we understand this when we have no fucking clue what is going on or why. We live in this shade of assumed knowledge that's totally bs, all of this culture, all of these notions, when we are totally naked and alone in a vast alien universe. It's weird. We really have no fucking clue. We assume this air of knowledge, but it seems vain and pretentious. We are helpless babies. I think our ancestors used to feel this more, used to be in profound awe at the total unknown of their predicament. Now we live in these little boxes nearly completely caught up in our contrived human routine and the wonder we have is at Marvel's superheroes. Our wonder is shrunk and bottled up like cucumbers in a pickle jar. It's so much easier to wonder when your environment is the raw natural world, that today we are so unfamiliar world. When nature dominates your environment you can't avoid facing the complete unknown. When you look at it, you are confronted by the total alienness of the universe. Our lives are dull in comparison I think. Perhaps longer, but duller. We live in this non-living contrived culture that is dulled and distant from the reality of our existence. Where things are real because they are raw and unavoidable. The reality is we don't have a fucking clue. We go day by day seeking fulfillment in these notions that to me are distractions. I think our culture had a spark in it, marriage, religion, social roles, etc. But so much of this, the way we experience these, is pretty deadened now. What excites me about seeing the raw unknown is the possibility of understanding aspects of it. When I see it, I see the raw forces that rule my existence. Here, I have a chance to actually learn something. I have a chance to free myself from the powers that toss me around willy-nilly. I have a chance to live in a way that is free from the dead ways of our world. I have a chance to free myself. What a rare chance indeed. 

To me, this is where the yogic life begins. Not with religion, perhaps not even with God. But with a real sense of this unknown universe that we find ourself in and a real sense of where to start tampering with it and yourself to come to know it and to liberate yourself from it's bondage. It's not a moral incentive, religious imperative, it's not a whim or a fancy. I think it has nothing to do with God, religion, or any cultural notion we may have. To me, these are all dead. The life they have in them was strong enough to tell me to get the fuck out and as far away from them as possible, strong enough to point me in the right direction, which is straight into the total fucking unknown, a place we have covered with concrete, taboo, amnesia, and a bunch of other shit in bullshit I don't care to mention. Into the jungle, of the mind. Of the soul, if I dare use that word. This isn't about Alec Scheibe, he's dead. I don't need a name, I want to be free. You sorry mutherfuckers can't understand what I am going through. "I pity the fool" Joking and not joking. Not that I am much in the way of wise, I just have a good understanding of how fucked we are, I have what I see as a chance, and most of you are sleeping babes. No offense, most of us are. For whatever fucking reason I got hit by a lightening bolt. You have all these notions of what the spiritual path is, that it is something. Think of the Odyssey of the Greek myths. Can you recall the violent, raw mysterious forces they dealt with? That Odysseus was cast into for 10 years? Can you feel that power? This is the window I am talking about into the reality of the complete fucking unknown of the universe. Everything I am writing here is to communicate it to you. It's literally your only hope to escape the prison that you live in. Yes, you live in a prison. And this isn't the fucking matrix, it's your goddamn life. Which you can't grasp. Which you don't know what that means. You don't know what your life is or what it means. Our world keeps you in infantile consciousness. Too many protections, too many dead notions. You have got to find that window. Find a way to it and break the fuck through. I'll do my best to be here waiting for you. To make sure somebody is waiting for you. No guarantees. If you have the balls, this challenge is unbeatable. Going alone is as hard as it gets and as fun as it gets. Climb through all of the shit to get to the surface. I'll knock your ass out if you stop. And I'll do my best to be there for you along the way and at the top to help you up. Unless I'm busy battling demons. This is for those die hard mutherfuckers who want to live. Who want to take a breath of free air. It's a mind game. A mind game in which your body, your soul, and the world are pieces. Couldn't get any better, couldn't get any more fucked. I challenge you to do better than I have. Good fucking luck. I aint settlin for nothin. It's all or nothing. It's the faithful or the faithless. It's life or death. Death being living death. Being hell. To get started, you have to climb out of the pit that you may or may not know you dwell in. You have to step into the flames and continue to step into the flames until you are fire consummate. 

More than all of this, you have to see the world without the filter the world gave you. See it in the raw, see through your assumptions, beliefs, ego. If you can do this, you'll know where to start if you want to. From there it's up to you to figure out what to do next. I am merely a Lion in the mist. 
Everyday you have the opportunity to move closer to freeing yourself. Every moment you have the ability to make choices to change your life. You can choose freedom, you can choose blindness. It's incredibly complicated as long as your good at fooling yourself. You can find your conscience, you can find your intuition. You can simplify your life. The world is a living breathing thing. What you do affects all of us. What you do makes a difference. Your choice. 

Merlin out.