Body image insecurities and insecurity in general

 I was in the shower looking at my chest and abdomen when it hit me, again, that this was what I was looking for. I had forgotten again that this is it. It feels easy to get lost in samsara for lack of a better word, and it is so funny to find yourself in the simplest of things, like water running over hairs on a chest. It wasn't a perfectly formed chest out of the movies, it was a living chest on a living body in a shower. Duh. We look in all the stupid places. I will be ok when I have this type of body, when I have this type of body feature. Then I will be ok. Then I will be. Until then, I am not worthy. In a way, I am not at all. I am reserved for the dark recesses of my mind with little to no warmth and affection. Sorry, your not good enough unless you look or are a certain way. When did this become sanity? How is this going to make us feel good about ourselves and our life? When I saw my chest I saw how off the mark it was to get caught up in trying to be something else at the expense of my wellbeing right now. At the expense of my own dignity and kindness. The loss of both of which make me judgmental of others and help sustain the toxicity of our superficial culture. The beautiful thing was that after such a long time of struggling with insecurities, I was able to look at my own body seeing it as it was, not as something to be forced to be something that it is not, and realize that this was all that I had, and it was ok to be this way. I don't even think imperfect is the appropriate way to describe it. More so that it is better to be ok with how I am, how I look now, than to be lost in trying to change myself because I am insecure about who I am and how I look. We find real peace in self acceptance, self-love, and freedom from this ridiculous notions that mainstream culture make us feel like we have to live up to to be ok. When we can accept ourselves as we are, when we are not caught up in these foolish notions, we can see who we actually are, and learn to take care of our unique self. Which isn't somebody that fits in a g.i. joe or barby doll box. We are unique, we have unique needs and desires, and a unique way to live our life. Being able to be ourselves right now, as we are, with love, kindness, and consideration is what we are really looking for out of life. I think it can be difficult for most of us to be ok with who we are to some degree because of the judgmental and superficial world we live in. It can be difficult, it is difficult, and part of this difficulty is a great deal of pain and suffering. I feel for you and my heart goes out to you. I am not free from judgment and vanity, or the suffering that comes with both. I am becoming freer slowly. We can learn to be kind towards ourself, to be more in touch with ourselves, our bodies, and our feelings, and we can free ourselves from ideas that are not our own. The more we love ourself with gentle nurturing and compassion, the greater capacity we have to love others the same. In a way everyone is tender hearted and needs gentle nurturing in their life. 💗