Book, and stuff

 Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yo. Yooooness. Yoneness. Lol. Currently on my toilet blogging. Don't ask me why. I won't tell you. Lol. Got my grape drink. Life is good. Started working on my book again. I've written everything as far as I know, just doing editing. I was worried while I wasn't working on it, and probably before, if it was good enough to get published. Thought I might have to rewrite some sections. But going over it after a couple months I'm like, "Damn. This is really good". Like surprisingly so. Better than when I wrote it. I don't know how I got it all down like that. But, it's there. Haha. I had forgotten about all of the beautiful and profound insights I had while writing it. Everything I was going through at the time. (I had my karmic bubble burst in the end of January that kind of disconnected me hugely from the spirit world so to speak and I forgot of a ton of stuff that was the essence of my life at that time and I had been cultivating for like years. Hahahaha.) Just like super dope stuff that when I read it I was like holy shit, oh ya, that's where I was. Wow. While I was reading it, I felt so much divine influence. I was just so beautiful. I don't think I am going to do much serious editing at all. It feels very complete. Which was what I intended to do while writing cuz fuck editing. Just one and done it. You don't think that the heavens will just open up and reveal their secrets, when they do it's like, Holy shit. How in the hell did I get here. Part of you, or at least a huge part of me, was and still is so doubtful of incredible things happening to me, or being real for that matter. I guess I have a lot of doubt and a lot of perhaps dejected worldviews. When the miraculous gets through I am kind of stunned. "I mean I calculated that give a, b, and c and doing x, y, and z this would happen, but I mean it can't really happen right?" Wrong. Crazy wrong. This world is a fucking wonder. Just think how we can never know where any of this came from originally. Anything you find as an impulse has to have its own impulse. So we can never know where this came from or really for that matter where the fuck we are. Which makes all of this a complete fucking mystery. Like how in the hell did this all come to be? We can't fucking answer the question. We can go back and back and label all of these forms and events, but then you get to the unknown and you realize that there is no fucking limit to what could be created here, it's just what happens to be created here. Which makes the universe a place of unlimited potential and mystery. Which makes the very fabric of our lives a complete fucking unknown, because we don't know what the hell is going on here that we can't see or measure yet. And regardless of the tools there will always be the unknown variable that completely engulfs our reality. The darkness at the edge of the light of the candle. And this is what we are!! This is where we live!! And then you throw in divine consciousness and like, "I AM Everything", and it's like wtf........How can you return to normalcy...The cool thing is that maybe we can do things in totally different ways. Like REALLY different. Like weird different. Like Merlin different. Hence me, Merlin, doing what I do. Gliding on the winds of the far out. For me I feel like a lot of this normal shit does not fit. I'm like, "Hey guys...there's something wrong with this glove, I have like 10 fingers! I don't often feel comfortable doing things normal ways and I am super attracted to the impossible. It's like that is where I should be. How I should be living. It feels so familiar and comforting. I feel like I should be able to have anything I want, whenever I want it. Why not? I feel like I shouldn't have to age if I don't want to, that I can travel through time. That I can learn to fly. Lol. But I'm dead serious. And frighteningly committed. I just want to know deeply how things work and why my limits are. I can't find any! So let's fucking fly. Why the fuck not. I don't believe in these rules, laws etc that most people follow. My being is exploding to go where no man has ever gone before. Western men anyway. When you learn about the deeper nature of reality that undermines the conventional paradigm you....lost my train of thought...duhhhhh....air head?....oh ya..Aquarius sun sign...now things make a whole lot more sense. I am a fucking Aquarian. Jesus Christ somebody help me. I need help. "Sir, what do you need help with?" It's just that I am never going to fit in here... "So what do you want me to do?" I NEED MORE GRAPE JUICE!!. Lol well when you learn about that stuff you...........................finish your ice from you grape juice and soda and draw a complete fucking black then pass out....orrrr......you find something else to say...when you learn about that schnazz you gain new likes and zires. I really do want to fly. Some way some how. I feel like I'm soaring within often. It feels great. This is the problem with Aquarius. I could give a complete dissertation on something and then a minute later completely forget about what I was saying and have no interest in going back. I could say shit and think deeply about shit without even really consciously registering what I was saying, or I was and then my brain switches gears and I completely forget about it. Now I'm plowing through shit trying to get back to garbage train up above and FUCK! can't think of a damn thing. Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it. 

Merlin. Master. Flight. In the places where two eyes are blind. where his light is truly of him. and his light is where he flies. This is his home. Where two eyes can not see. Here he finds himself among many many many things. He has cut a channel into the within. Within and all and more than this is. Merlin. My home. My wings. I fly. I fly. Oh where, oh where am I? In that special place in between. When I can see. Oh yes. Merlin my heart. You are the sandy shores on the edge of the sea of the universe across all that can be seen. There you begin and reside on the very edge of what can be known. On the edge dancing between the grains in translucent shadowy winds with changing hues mixing and blowing on the beach, taking away attention, here I find the strangest and most pleasing calm, a peace that I cannot describe. Palm leaves gently sway in the breeze. Water silently laps against the shore. Light brown sugar sands. Twilight yet day, yet not day. I come through and enjoy the beach. I am not the sand, yet I am made of it. How comforting. Beautiful perfect water which is the sea, which is so much, yet is quiet and here coming nearly to my feet. cannot stay to long, cannot linger. The wind swirls and is colored with astral blue, green, and violet. Cannot stay too long or I will change and lose my beauty. I fear I have already changed once again. I sit in an open room on a futon with high wooden arm rests of pine colored wood. A computer on my lap. A body, Sight. A head, What place is this? Where am I? What am I doing here? Who am I? Why am I here? What is going on? Chairs beneath a bar. Will I forget myself again? If I do, let it not be for long. The sky is so beautiful when it is open. When I am no longer on my feet. Where it does not matter where I go or what I am. Merlin. Merlin. You are Merlin. Remember who you are. You are born of the stars. Dear Merlin. You are born of the stars. You are from the Great Beyond. You do not belong here. You bright Star. Bright moon. Bright planet. Remember all is translucent, all is floating. Remember who you are sweet one. Brilliant one. Light shines out of you and fills the heavens, but not too much. Remember we enjoy the vastness of space, we enjoy the space between. Remember who you are. Remember who I am. Remember. Don't forget. This is the power of Grape juice, soda water, ice, and a bag of cool ranch dorritos. Don't do it by the book if the book don't do by you. Merlin. Awaken. Awaken. From one dream to the next. Eyes open, here I am. new life. new world. New way. Bright light of sun. You are so much more. You are a star in heaven. Remember dear one. Remember your colors. Remember your way. You are Merlin dear one. Remember. Remember Merlin. Remember me. Remember. Merlin. Sword. Shield. Stone. The blue light. The blue sea. The blue dream. You carry starlight with you Merlin. Remember. You have a name. These are not your problems. These are not your woes. You step as lightly as light from the moon and the stars. You gentle one. Remember your place, remember your power. Remember where you come from. Who you are. How you are. Where you wish to go. What you wish to do. How you wish to do it. Remember. Remember the wind. The water falling from the sky. The cold air. Remember. Your home. Your life. You have always been Merlin. They gave you another name. But you are of the wind. It could not stick. You are Merlin. You walked in the sunlight, by the creek, you breathed the air. You were young, you grew and grew and grew. You slowly remembered. Merlin was born here. 28 years ago. Merlin. He rose again. He came to this land again. He has a purpose. He came with the night wind. He came with the Winter wind on the coast. He came in the morning. He came to strike fire into the hearts of men. He came with thunder and lightening. He came with the power of Midnight to cast on men during the day. He came to bring the Night. He cam to bring the great Sun. He came with lightening. He burns the Earth, yet he is welcomed. He is a flash in the darkness. A message from  beyond where men can see. He came to you. Because you went to him. The gap was bridged. This is your puzzle my friend. Your great puzzle. The greatest of your life so far, in so far as you remember. Merlin of the dark night. Merlin great pilgrim. Sea stone, windmancer, landkin, earth cleaver. I am coming again. I am coming again in you. We have changed since last we met dear brother. Yes we have. What are we up to friend? I see a path of stone high, but not from where or to where it leads. Only stone taking shape dear brother. You seem younger, yet older. From where do we come? What is this spell on me? Madness mixes with wine. Have we always been one dear brother? Have I indeed always been Merlin? My heart longs to know. Longs to know where it came from, who it is. I worry that such details should upset the order as it is. But the wails of my heart are beautiful and full of nectar, I cannot refuse their plea. I am seized by the thought that you are my past and my heart. My heart of memory. I am pleased you are here. That I may fall into you is a dream beyond a dream. Adieu.