What is this?

 What is this? What do we see with our eyes? It seems like everything we interact with in any way is the same. What is it? We call it the world or the universe, or a spiritual universe. What are these? Are we any different than these? We call ourselves a person, we say we are someone, what does this mean? Is this different from the world? Where does a someone end and the world begin? And vice-versa. Is there a real difference between a something and a someone? How much of this is in our heads? When we say what is this? We assume it is a thing. We automatically look at it as something outside ourselves. Is there a difference between what and who? Is there a difference between anything? How much of what we see and understand is labels signifying how what we see and experience is things that are not other things? Does this understanding get to the root of what things are? The root of what is going on around us? Simply what is going on? Is happening different on the outside than it is on the inside of us? It appears to be happening anywhere happening is happening. What is happening? What is being?  Are the two different? Our mind automatically flavors our perception with subject dominant or object dominant and we take it for granted that this is how the world is: subject versus object. In our spiritual understanding we try to define things within these categories and I think this understanding is colossally impaired until we reconcile the two. This is more than saying everything is One and both personal and impersonal. More than understanding it conceptually and standing by it loosely. This is saying I and it and feeling with inner vision both that these words and our understanding of them is deeply flawed and a commonality and singularity within the heart of their structure. Then investigating that singularity into a deeper awareness of it and of the flaw of our understanding. 

To me, it feels much to hard and I feels much to soft. It feels like death and I feels much less forceful than it ought to be. They feel like two ends of one being, both perhaps bottled up. Can I say it without feeling a cold death of being? Can I say I without being lost in the delusion of my ego? Can I say either when they are both full bodied and have them mean exactly the same thing? This is what I want to find out. As far as I can tell now, everything is the same. It is just our understanding and perception which is lacking. To me a cold death does not feel true. Life feels to be the heart and life of everything. Maybe the answer to what is this? Is to ask it tenderly and caringly. What is the full extent of who am I? Perhaps it is more than I think. It seems that I am interpreting it through what I call my individual personal consciousness. How does this distort the perception of my fundamental being? 

I think these questions are at the heart of our personal and spiritual crises and I believe we can only have true peace and liberation if we follow them through. They seem like the warring titans at the base of our being that hold up everything that we are. Twin titans from one seed, one root. I don't know if it is enough to glimpse this root. I wonder if we can thoroughly become it and lose completely the world of two titans. I think I used to think this less possible. Now  I wonder. I don't really have anything else to do. Nothing else I really want to do..I really just want to understand, and be myself. Be free. Totally free.