Another day another doll hair. Just doing business as usual. Noticing the grayness of this awareness. The lack of definition, the unclarity of what is here or there. A sharp point, burning point, desirous point, craving point. I still must crave a great deal to hurt this way. All my dreams forced into an ornate lockbox.
That jumps and rattles with an assortment of muffled calls and noises from within. Left among other packaged items and stored possessions put away in an out of the way dimly lit room. Perhaps by a solitary candle or by the light through a partially opened door. Dust accumulating, yet the ghosts of the past still kicking and screaming for breath and space and life. Merlin stands above them bent slightly over, puzzling over the rattling box and its contents. Tugging on his memory, he'd forgotten he's put them away. "Perhaps its time to get these out..", he says. A nearby floating fairy winks it's fairy light madly and a voice emanates from it without words physically being spoken, "Of course you dullard!" Merlin glances up slowly and stares at the fairy momentarily then returns his gaze to the box. "Hmmm.", says he. To himself, "This I think I should do". "This seems of pressing importance..." "I vaguely remember doing this..." "Yes...I did put these here.......some time ago..." Hand on chin, scratching his beard with his long and spindly fingers.
It's easy for Merlin to forget where he is and what he's doing. What he's done and what he ought to be doing. He's very old you see. Easily occupied by the strange and subtle lights of his mind and thoughts. Sometimes the world tends to...slip by...
What ought he do be doing? Clueless he may be. Tired he may be. Distracted he may be. Must something be done? Must something be remembered? Must he find his way? Again, after a long slumber. After a long trip into the great beyond. He may feel something. May remember something. A voice. A thought. A point of understanding. A sense and an awareness. An ability. Time drags on and Merlin drags on with it. Remember he says. Remember. Remember who I am. Remember who you are. Remember the way. Remember...
Stars slip by overhead as his body passes through space. Moons and other astral objects spinning and dazzling. Eyes closed. Half open. Sleepily he shoots through space, through and across the universe. Pulled by currents and spells open in his thoughts, his mind and his being. Carving his way through astral fields blindly chanting, spilling deep forces and currents into the space around him. Flying through and creating his way sleepily. Open your eyes. He says. Open your eyes. See where you are. See what's around you. Merlin he says. Merlin. Awaken. It is time to awaken. Awaken from the deep. Awaken from the darkness. You walk in the lower realms. Where a dull light near darkness abides. A place where much of this world is not heard. Where the rhythms of the deep surround the sleeping titans of this world. Awaken. Remember. Awaken. The serpent sleeps, the serpent slumbers. Ride the sleeping serpent into memory, into light and being. Into time and space. Into life. Through the dark slumber into life. Breathe. Breathe.
The light is bright. The light burns. It blinds. It strangles. It threatens. In the darkness I rest. In the quiet darkness I find myself. Stricken by the light I rest deep within the depths. Where dull things pass by hardly noticed. In the deep at the bottom of the sea. The sea of light and shadow. I am afraid to become who I am. I am afraid to face the light. I am afraid of being burned by its power and its great body. It will destroy me. I am weak and small and worthless. Cut off from the world I have hidden in the deep. Beneath the surface. In the crack of though and mind and feeling. Where awareness has not passed, here I dwell. Avoiding the light, avoiding all notice, all contact. Yet this is a distraction. An illusion. If I stay here I will die. I must return to the Light. Return to life, or else I am ruined. But I am afraid, I am terrified. I am weak and miserable. I am broken and defeated. Awful, shrouded in shadow and fear. Where is my life? Where is my strength? Where is the jewel of my being?
Merlin, you are here. Here you are. Always here. Here is your strength. Here is your life. Here is your way. Here is your purpose. Do not look elsewhere. This is it. This is always it. Right here. Right now. Perceive the illusion. Perceive the delusion. Here I am. Here you are. All else is a dream. Here nonetheless, but a dream. Here I am. I am. I am. Here I am. Please Lord, let the way be bright and clear. May I see what I may do, and may what I do be good. May I awaken to you and your way. Lord, here I am and here is my life.
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