Perspectives and Feelings

 I'm starting to have more clarity with my feelings, which is why writing this is so easy now. I'm seeing how challenged I have been over the last several years, probably more like 5 years. Or even more like 14. I haven't been in a position to create general peace in my life. I have thought I have been many times, and I have had considerable power to affect desired change, but my heart and head have not really been in the right place. I'm at the point now where I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel, and I find myself in somewhat doubtful circumstances. 

This time around it seems to be moving slower, probably for the best. Because I tend to fuck things up when I get excited...Which is in hind sight kind of hilarious. I believe Merlin is coming back. Oh ya. But not in a hurry to show his Face. I'm noticing more clearly a lot of accumulated sludge in my soul. It's like dirty...and I'm like fuck...it's not going away. But, it is. Just slowly and probably steadily. And I actually kind of like this pace. When it isn't kicking my ass. 

What I'm noticing...

It's not as important to have outer success as I have believed...Reframed- The outer world is merely a reflection of our inner being, is not really real, and doesn't really matter. It is always changing, ephemeral. Being attached to it, does not bring about wellbeing. We should strive for balance while refraining of being overly attached to the results of our actions. What really brings us peace is the relationship we have with our self, and the awakening of our soul. The path of our soul is primary. It is most important that we pay attention to it, regardless of what is happening in our lives. The value of this inner-life is becoming more apparent to me. 

One more detail: Wisdom comes from all of the different parts of ourself. They are like fractured fragments of glass. They all fit together to form the bigger picture that is wisdom and right action. It is through integration of all our feelings, all the parts of ourself that we achieve mastery, not through the dominion of one or more parts over others. This is a key insight into the path of awakening and of the success of an individual within themselves and in the world. Seeing this, perseverance is necessary to push through to greater unity and understanding. Somehow dignity comes from this. Or humility that breeds dignity. Nobility...Somehow it makes us taller. I think because the end goal becomes more clearly in our sight, and we are attuned to it, this gives us virtue and grace. Because we give up more of ourself, much more freely, to get there. And we see with much more sympathy, the same struggle in others, the spirit within that struggle, and our common cause. We draw strength through these connections. In connecting to others and to life in this way, we connect more deeply to Spirit. May the fool in me become more Noble in spirit.