Renembered!
I have been feeling more present lately. Seems like reality is coming into focus. Things seem somehow more real. It feels pretty good. I think it is depleting my anxieties. They come from incoherence and presence is the opposite of that. It is when the wavelengths align and take shape, solidifying into tangible forms. Ya. That sounds pretty good. That's how it feels in my perception, in my mind. Like my wondering thoughts have enough potency to coalesce into clear and apparent form. Pretty sweet. Kind of what I have been trying to do for like 10 years. My being feels similarly. Like the energies are beginning to flow the right way. The mind has matured and settled enough. Just barely though. Right now I kind of feel awful because I didn't sleep enough. I am excited to settle down more and do what I really love to do. What I have been waiting to do for a long time. Blossom in a wholesome way, confidently maneuvering and expanding. Effortlessly being. The funny thing is that this is how life always is. It just doesn't feel this way personally. But, everything that comes to us, comes to us effortlessly. We experience struggle because in our minds we fight against what is. I wonder if this person resisting is even real. It seems like who we are is beyond all of this. It is beyond description. We have these notions of who we are and who we want to be, but how real are they? It seems to me that much of this is dreaming. I am so and so becoming so and so. Seems like a paper dream. We obviously genuinely feel this way, but this kind of thinking points to a kind of being that seems insubstantial to me. Like when you look for it, you can't find it. It's just made up. It's just confusion. What I feel is some kind of being.
Right now I am wondering again if I am at all. If I am someone. I think I am someone. I think I am. I feel like I am. I must be, because if I wasn't then who would be writing this? Who am I? What would be the point to life if nobody was real? What would be the point of doing anything? Now this really has me thinking. I don't know. I don't know if I am real at all. I don't know if I am at all. I just don't know. I think I am real. I think we are real. Maybe we are both real and unreal. Maybe the two are one. I think this is the key to the puzzle. Thinking there is a difference between being and non-being. What a psychedelic gateway. I've been here before and it's really cool. Mmmm. Steak in marinara on rice. Yummy. Ok. The problem arises when you try and isolate who we are when you are afraid of dying. When you are afraid of dying, you turn away from this moment as it is. You wish to only see and have part of it. Which is both impossible to do and an impossible place to try and see the whole picture from.
What's real can't be understood from a place in the mind that is afraid. From a place that is trying to divide the world into dualities. What really is must be open to what isn't. It must be completely open to everything including non-being. This is the problem. We think of being and non-being as being opposed. We think they cannot be their opposite. If they were, they would fall apart, they would cease to be. They only cease to be as ideas though. They were never fully real to begin with. They have always been apart of eachother and truly one thing. One mysterious thing. You've got to get past getting hung up on these ideas so that you can see what is real. This is it. This is what is real. Is this me? I think so. Being and non-being. We think they are different. Of course I am. But what I am isn't separate from anything else. What I am doesn't end and begin. I think I am done for tonight. Got close!
No comments:
Post a Comment