Sunshine

 Another day not another dollar. Slept like 9 hours plus last night. Had a nice stretch session this morning. Have some honey in my hot oatmeal. Waiting for it to cool down. Yum. Ok. So what is the whole, and who are you and I in it? The whole is everything. Everything that is now. This. Here. Now. Whatever it is, it is. It is the whole. You and I are not who we think we are. We are this. We are the whole. We are not in it. We are it. We are not individual selves. There is the whole and we are all it. Not among ourselves, or as ourself, simply as the whole. It is who we are. It is what we are. I don't think it has any specific way that it is. Any standard. It is simply the whole and it is simply what is. When we do not see it, I wonder if we are seeing at all. I wonder if we are at all. It is the base point of reality that when we lose track of we fall into delusion and madness. We have so many ideas about what the whole is, basically any idea about what is true and right. We cling to these ideas as if they were the whole. They do there best to point to the whole, but they fail often when they take on the impression that they are the whole, almost always at the expense of something else. We fervently wish to cling to these ideas because we are so insecure about who we are and we are afraid of death and suffering. We blindly cling to anything that will keep our heads above the thrashing waters of the sea. Because we do not know what is real, we don't know if what we cling to is real or not and often we are too afraid to assess if it is so, because the act of assessing may undermine the strength that it gives us in the world and we may fall again into the frightening uncertainty of the sea. It becomes the greatest assumption that what is here is something we can cling to, because if it is not, then we will have nothing to keep us above water. What is real must be something we can cling to because I am so afraid and everyone is so afraid of not having anything to cling to, that we imagine can protect ourselves. So it cannot be something that I cannot name, it cannot be something that I can always hold onto, it cannot be something that takes me to and beyond my deepest insecurity. It must be a thing, an idea, a particular way that is supreme. I will not look anywhere else because anywhere else has the potential to completely undermine my existence, anywhere else has the potential to take away all my protections. So I won't look there. There has to be something here that can protect me forever. I am afraid to let go of control over my life. I am afraid to look at this moment and be completely open to see what it may be. In fact I have nearly completely forgotten how to do so, how to see without the filter of my fears. I will search for anything else but this. When this is the only thing that can free me from my suffering. From my constant fear and anxiety. This is the only thing that can let me be myself here and now. Thus is the dilemma of the human being. Terrified of death when facing death is the only way to live fully in the moment. Death is suffering and torment. It is the unknown. Our society and our lives are filled with immortality constructs. They and we are filled with ideas that promise freedom and salvation when they really are imaginary rafts that we cling to in an infinite and perhaps unpredictable sea. They are distractions that keep us from really looking at who we are and what is going on. This will save you. No, this, will save you. This is real. There are many real things about much of these ideas, but it is their heart that is the distraction, that is founded on perpetuating ignorance of what may be. They keep us turning away from what may be here. We can't say what may be here because we don't look. We cling to ideas that this is what is good for me and this isn't good for me, we cling to these ideas instead of actually looking to see what is good for me. From really deeply examining the reality of everything in our mind. Part of us is always looking for what is real, but so much of us is dominated by fear and egoic clinging to that which we imagine will keep the world at bay. We become more aware of what is real and what is not, but this heart of fearful turning away and clinging remains the center and heart of our experience. We may become spiritual, become seekers, become meditators. Begin asking deep questions about the nature of life, yet we still cling to this heart of fear and turning away and clinging. We slowly open up to the uncertainty of the world, yet this heart remains and becomes more and more subtle. What I am saying is that it is this heart of clinging and fearfully turning away that must be penetrated completely through with insight, and something else must be found, a new yet ancient and eternal awareness, if we are to be free, if we are to truly be ourselves. We must learn to recognize this clinging within us and develop sincere effort to eliminate it from ourselves, or simply develop the sight that penetrates through it and beyond it. I say all of this because so much of the input, nearly all of it, we get from the world is overtly directed at perpetuating clinging. So much of the attention is compulsively perpetuating anxious awareness. However close the input may be to letting go of this clinging, most of it distracts us however subtly from the realization that we are clinging and turning away from truth and that what is real is not an idea and does not depend on any particular form or organization. We search and search and try and think until we realize that all we are doing is perpetuating the idea of the separate self, which is at this moment entirely who we think we are, however spiritual we may claim to be, and that this notion, who we are, is entirely a construct of thought, and is in no way real. Everything we think about ourself is false. Not real. We are not this construct that we are entirely devoted to. We realize the fiction of ourself, the complete and utter fiction of Hannah, James, Esteban, Janell, and we realize that we have completely no power to hold onto it. Because any power we may have to hold onto these constructs is a construct in itself and is completely contrived and not real. What if everything you think about yourself and the world, everything that you perceive and experience is a mental construct that you personally embody to such a degree that you totally believe it is actually real? And you haven't actually looked out at the world in perhaps decades? Or your entire life? You have been looking, but all you see and know is the total immersion filter of you mental construction which you complete embody in your life. Imagine seeing and feeling the edge of this filter for the first time, and seeing and experiencing your entire sense of self, everything that you thought was real up until this point, as a floating idea/image in your awareness. And there's a space in between that and who is looking at it, and who you are is not that at all. That you, (insert name here) are not in fact yourself. That you (your name) are not (your name). Who you are is a complete and total fucking fiction. There is nothing you can cling to, however you imagine yourself doing so. The paradigm you live or lived in never existed. Never ever existed in any way, shape, or form outside of it being a completely contrived notion, an image in your head. Nothing else. This has always been the case. You have never been yourself. You have never been anything you imagined yourself to be. It is a story you tell yourself and the world tells itself. Sorry if this hurts, just trying to help. If you made it this far in this post then your probably seriously examining your life. That space and whatever is looking at (your name) is the whole looking at an ego construct within itself. That space and that awareness is who you are. And don't fucking think this is an idea it's not, it's not a thing. Not. Not. Not. That space and awareness is literally everything everywhere. Everything seen is that. Everything seen in any way. There is no difference between what we may call dimensions or levels of being. That's all horshit. It's just seeing, Just awareness, which is no other than form. And these are just fucking words. You have to see it for yourself. See that everything you are doing is totally imagined in your mind, is totally a mental construct, is not real, and the entire mode of your being, your entire perceived consciousness is totally missing the point. What is outside of who you are is all there is. And there, there is nothing else.