I have been feeling a lot better over the last week or so. A lot better. I feel more confident in my life and I am seeing a positive trend again. Mindblowing how everything happens the way it does. Each day I get a little bit stronger and gain a slightly better position. I regain some more of myself. So many little steps. I see so much possibility in the future if this trend can be maintained. I see how my will can learn how to do the impossible. How I can shape things with thought, feeling, and intention by being so minutely in tune with the way things are now. It's such a place of intimate and personal feeling and being. Like the world has been and is being unmasked and your mind runs out to it like roots running out of a tree into the soil. When you find the way that is truly absolving your ego, and you let go of your life into truth on this perfect path, the degree of precision and vision you gain is incredible. The complexity, depth, and breadth of the world are so subtle and profuse. Your knowledge and awareness of yourself is so acute and your vision and therefore power is so penetrating and expansive that the unseen impossible opens up to you. One of my most valuable skills is the ability to ignore compulsive and egoic impulses. To have the gumption to wait in discomfort and anxiety for a truer way to appear. If this ability becomes a constant imagine the depths of yourself that become apparent. Imagine depths you never could have imagined, and depths beneath these depths, and depths beneath these depths. Is there an end to the depth? To the profundity of the self? It seems not. With increased depth arises the potential for increased maneuverability. Lines of power increasingly subtle appear in the mind. I don't think it is destined for all to reach such depths, even for those who are awake. It seems like my heart and soul quake with anticipation at unlocking such power and such presence. Is seems like this is where I dwell and where I find solace. In great depth, in great power, in great vision, in vast being. I want to anchor myself here, in the place of anchorless presence. All I desire is to rest here, to make it my unbroken awareness. To ride it where it may lead, free from that which would hold me back. This place is not fixed. It is open. Here our heart is not tied down to the jetsam. To the drift wood. It is exquisitely engaged, but it is not tied down. I think one of the hearts, or one thing that points to the heart of awakening is the change of the apparent center of gravity of consciousness. From fixation on particulars to a relaxation of this fixation to a place of openness where particulars come and go freely. The ego, the separate self, seizes on what it desires, the awakened consciousness does not in a way that can only be experienced. Form and the ego are waves on the sea, awakened consciousness is the Sea or Water itself. In all places yet not limited to any place at all. Fixated mind is limited mind. Awakened mind is unlimited placeless mind. We are afraid, so deeply afraid of unlimited placeless mind and unlimited placeless attitude. It is contrary to fixated mind which believes at it's heart that it must hold onto what it loves to keep it, to have it. It believes letting go to unlimited placeless mind is an uncertainty that opens the door to death. It does not have faith. It has fear, compulsion, and egoic perception in which the world is separated into this and that, this and not that. Yet it is the Sea as well. It is made entirely of water and water is its true nature. It is water believing it is not water. It is water believing it is wood. Water is the true nature of reality. It has never not been. The ego, the fixated mind, is as fluid as anything else. The trick is to see that it is water, and that even in its clutches we are in the sea. For the ego resists the ego because consciousness believes that it must return to the sea. When we accept the ego as another wave of water we can fully relax into the depths of the ocean. Yet this still is unimportant and necessary. Sea everywhere. Water everywhere. Everything is wet.
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