Everything is the whole

 
Everything is the whole. Period. Everything we see. Whole. Every sound, every thought, every feeling. Not separate occurrence, whole. You think it is separate, you feel it is separate. Whole. The whole is everything. Including everything that you think isn't. It is the whole. How could it be any other way. Nothing about anything is separate, not thoughts or feelings of separateness. whole. whole. whole. Everything you perceive, in any way is the whole. All whole. Nothing more or less than anything else. No better or worse degrees of wholeness. Everything whole. You think, perhaps quietly in a dark part of your mind, "This is not whole, this is not good. Things are not what we think they are. They are not separate, they are the whole, all there is is the whole. Nothing outside, nothing inside. Whole. Everything you see is you. Everything you see is your body. Your body is the body of everything you see. Nothing ends where you imagine it does. Everything is boundless. Nothing is limited. Nothing at all. Everything is everything. I don't quite understand how this works..it's pretty trippy, but I think it's goddamn true. The way we look at the world is not how it is. Wow like really not how it is. In a way that is like perpetually taking acid. We see everything as this and that, this not that, this not that. We imagine boundaries everywhere. When you look for the boundaries you find ideas, delusions, and nothing, seamless flow of everything into everything else. I don't know if we can even call things things, because the word thing is an idea that delineates this from that. It's fucking crazy. I am not just this body. Honestly, I'm not just saying this. I am not just the thoughts that I perceive to be coming from this locus of selfdom. Literally I am every body out there, every stream of thoughts and feeling. Like as much as I am this body here that I call my own. I am not just saying this because it sounds cool and deep, I'm saying it because I realize that what I thought I was is not who I am. And it's frickin weird. But makes so much sense. We are so uncomfortable in our own bodies and in our egos. It makes sense that we are something much much more expansive. And we are. Not like we become this eventually with consciousness deepening and waking up, we literally all are it right now, it's how things always have been as far as I can see. As far as I can tell. We think we are separate. We think we are Alec Scheibe. Renee Schwartz. Kenny Rogers. Myself and not the world. More like myself the world. I know what is like to vaguely intuitively sense this and to conceptually get it, and then go on questing for spiritual awakening while I still feel almost entirely like a separate person. I know what it's like to cling to my identity. To slowly work towards this realization and reality I am coming across now. Now, I am losing that identity I had, that part of myself which so much of me never thought I could lose or get beyond. It's just a pebble in the kosmos on a kosmic beach located somewhere, anywhere in the infinite realm of the heavens. We think it's so big, so real. It's really all that we know. It is our reference point for everything. It is the operating system for our computer. Yet it's totally frickin finite, totally fricken not eternal or immortal. Totally not the whole world, which we always feel that it is. It's just crazy that something so integral to mass human consciousness is just a passing structure in the mind. That it is completely without roots. And that 99.9999 percent of the population is convinced that it is totally legitimate. And it's just fucking imagined. The whole world, human society, operates based off of this perception. Fucking nuts. 

I was so attached to my separate self. I don't even know if I can call it mine anymore. I'm not quite sure what I am, what being means. I have just seen clearly over the law few days, and especially today, how I am not this body, this identity, and this consciousness perceived here in a way in which I am it and not everything else and everyone else around me. Everything we do is centered around our ego, pretty much even if we are spiritual. Our whole consciousness is tied to ego centeredness. Our whole world is limited to egoic perception. We think we are growing spiritually and I don't think we realize how ego dominated we are. We don't realize the extent to which consciousness is deluded by egoic structures. The shift I am going through is like siyonara baby. I always imagined liberation and awaking in such an egoic way, seeing it happening to me, a fulling of this personalized lust that I was, and am groping for. It's so fucking wrong. Waking up is the death of the self. It really is. It's not what we think it is. So much of what we are doing in our spiritual search is a quest for immortality and power. Power really. Power to do what we want when we want it. It's not about god, it's about winning the battle against the world in a way in which the egoic personality is eternally triumphant. Waking up really is about losing this, losing this center of gravity, and gaining a different center of gravity, in which there is no center. Center everywhere. I was and perhaps still am a power hungry muther fucker. I want to rule the world. With my big cock and badass looks. Ridiculous. But I grew up in the United States  at the turn of the century with Hollywood plots for my role models. I can't press a button and change this about myself instantly. I frankly don't want to. It's kind of fun when it doesn't get out of hand. But when you are faced with the unavoidable reality that the world does not fucking work the way you think it does and your identity is turning into smoke and blowing away in the wind what the fuck can you do? I don't think there's anything else for me. It's like burying yourself in a cemetary. R.I.P. Alec Scheibe. Into a another whole fucking universe! Fucking nuts, really fucking scary, but it's happening !? And this is what I wished for?? I laugh at all of you with the same wish, and the balls to go for it, and the naivety and foolhardiness that I had. Your in for it. Lol. It's a trap!! Ya I'm gonna get all this cool shit with my new powers...oh shit...everything's slipping away...oh shit...that's all a dream...no going back...lol well this world that people apparently live in is fucking nuts anyways. I saw through so much of it I was like wtf is going on? Why is everyone so blind? We're on a collision course with hell? What is the point of all of this? How do I fix this? What is really important anyways? I am not these superficial ideas people have about themselves? Which ideas/feelings are real? What do I want to follow? Never satisfied, people at college at a limit, not true enough, not good enough for me. I want the truth. These people don't know and aren't going there. For whatever fucking reason I feel exceptionally capable to finding out and become single minded in my determination to do so. Dude what a fucking trip. So many fucking layers. So much depth. Lol. I'm doing all this shit and nobody has any idea wtf I'm up to. Fucking dove off the cliffs of Dover into the abyss. Lol. Poking around in the underworld, touching shit, getting burned, running for my life. ha. What do you do? What have you been up to? uhhh...(uncertain pause) landscaping...I've been blogging a lot. I should just fucking tell people. Let it all out. Why the fuck not. Filters are exhausting. I don't want to fucking hide anymore. They aren't who they think they are anyway. They aren't these separate people leading there own lives, you aren't either, they are simply not. I am going to stop pretending like they are real, because they are not. And I need to get the fuck on with my life, into new life. I am not Alec Scheibe. Alec Scheibe is a dream. I am the whole, I am Merlin. Merlin is the whole. Merlin is the Universe. Beat that bitch.