Journal Entry # 13

     I want to start building energy more intentionally. I want to be more on top of the different dimensions of my life. I want to think more about what kind of energy I want to have. Probably even what kind of life i want to have. What am I wishing my life were like? What do I want that I don't think I can get? I guess I want a smart pencil to make a digital copy of everything I write. Once I identify what I want and don't have I can start taking steps to getting it.
     I think the main thing I want is energy stability. My energy regularly feels really weird. I think it feels even more weird now because of corona and not exercising for so long. I think the more on top of my life I am, the less stressed I'll be. I'll be able to be proactive and put myself in a much better position. This is super exciting. I can eliminate a lot of the aspects of my life that are unsettling by being thoughtful and taking appropriate action.
     I think physical exercise will greatly improve my energy flow. I wonder if I can take charge of my energy direction? I feel sort of sick right now. My head feels wonky and my chest/heart have been acting strange for the last week and a half. The main thing I want is to get into/deepen positive energy flow. I feel a bit lost right now. A bit under. I want to be sharp and clear headed. I want to feel calm and grounded. I want to feel cooler. I feel like a part of me runs too hot a lot of the time. I want to feel like I'm in control of my life. Like I can go with the flow of my energy. I want to get out of this rocky zone. I want to stay calm and cool. I feel better now.
What made me feel better was not exercise or planning. My mind and body calmed down and I realized that I was fine as I was. Gee Gats! I think too much planning can actually be the problem. A lack of being. Too much thinking that this is what I need, this is supposed to make me feel this way. When we get attached to set ideas about the way things are, we remain fixed in our position, we can't fit into the natural flow of things and our body goes out of wack. The answer is not getting so stuck on things. Something like this...I feel more like Winnie the Pooh now, just bumbling around, not really tied to anything...except honey!