D-d-d-d-d-dharma!

 Here I am, on the road again. I can't wait to get on the road again. The life I love is writing the dharma by myself. Here we go, on the road again. What did I write about last night? The process of coming to conclusions in critical thinking and how it closes off the mind to the truth. Can the mind help itself from coming to these conclusions? What does it mean to learn to see truth directly? What Krishnamurti would call meditation? How does this relate to the process of critical thinking? 
I wonder if insight meditation is innate to the functioning of a human being at all times. Our being, the mind, constantly awakens towards truth. I think part of us, however small, actively looks without presumption. This would mean part of us is always present. This process is nearly entirely obfuscated by our fixed attention on conclusions we have drawn about reality that are not true. Obscured and you might say impeded. To see truth directly as I have put it, to meditate, is to consciously be aware without these conclusions obfuscating the field of awareness. Is it meditation if we are training ourselves to do this? Or does meditation only arise when the mind is completely still? I cannot say. What I do think is that insight does deepen even if the mind is not completely still. From my experience my will is focused on gradually weakening the stranglehold of the thinking mind with non-judgmental awareness. I don't ever completely still the thinking process, but over time it appears to me that awareness here has become much less dominated by judgment and much more open to direct perception. This direct perception appears to be deepening and transforming, even moving towards presence and freedom from thought. Towards less and less conditioned mind to more and more perceiving life fully as it is. It seems to be approaching a point, truth itself. From my perspective this direct perspective evolves out of critical thinking. The former is a transformation of the latter. This may be my particular way of waking up the mind and the two may not be correlative in an evolutionary way. This would mean that critical thinking is essential for direct perception. I do not know if it is so. Critical thinking could be a fluke in the system, or a distortion of a useful process that is unnecessary. What I believe is happening, is that my attention is transforming from conditioned thinking to trans conditioned mind. Is the conditioning necessary for presence? For a fully awakened human being? It definitely is a process that everyone if not nearly everyone goes through. Regardless I think it is necessary to teach this mind to see. 
To corral the mind, the attention, that is loosely distributed. To bring the attention from what is obfuscated to what is not. To develop awareness of what is not, from where it is not. I do not know what this place is because attention here is not there. It is something expected to be learned by the process of withdrawing and redirecting attention on what is sensed to be real. In this experience, attention moves upwards towards what is real on ladder rungs of increasing clarity, presence, and decreasing obfuscation. It seems too disorganized for my taste at the moment. Too, apparently unavoidable, half-assed. The mind is wild and sharp and violent. Bitter and cold and restless and agitated. Unpleasant. clogged and jammed and rent. Flooded and filthy and a mess. Leaving the body frequently bent out of shape, ill, and mixed up. Hot desire. Sharp fear and anxiety. Anger, disgust, sickness, aloof, out of touch. Deeply confused. Indignant. Rough. rough. rough. 
What kind of process can I go through to clean this up and straighten in out? What is required? What isn't? What is excessive? What is unnecessary? What is avoidable? What is not? What factors can I control? What factors can I not? Can the way be straight and narrow? Can I maintain a steady focus? What will distract me? Which distractions can I avoid? How can I employ restraint to serve this aim? How can this awareness be embodies? What is the truth?