The joy of not existing

 The Joy of Not Existing

Self no self? What does it matter? What's the difference? We attach so much meaning to ideas that when closely examined lack the meat and potatoes. We can only see through this interface of thinking and we assume what we think is real, when really it's a poorly rendered video game. We are even more concerned with notions of being and not being which lie at the center of this identity interface. Anxiety clutches our heart as we ponder them, intense intrigue. Rightly so, for we sense the truth hidden within them and are clamoring to escape our destitute imprisonment in our egos. In these ideas lies our salvation and our destruction. We cling to them because we intuit the possibility of freedom in them. The possibilities of freedom and a misstep to our continual or even worsened predicament. It's funny how this dilemma lies at the heart of all our motive. Trying to protect ourself, trying to escape the gambit. It's obscured by so many overlays. Religion, tradition, politics, capitalism. Relationships, education. Choices. Choices. Choices.

 
We must exist for if we do not then we cannot escape and we cannot masturbate. To die is to start all over again. To lose the pleasure we have gained. To have to rebuild our mind and our self. To start our liberation complex all over again. This is where we hit the aggravated black wall of iron refusal. I will not do that. I will not go there. There is where you actually escape. Where you win the game, by losing your self. By realizing there is no game, no one to struggle in the first place. There is where the world turns upside down, where upside down is really right side up because the world you live in is loony town. Hold onto the game for dear life and live in eternal death. Not that you can help it. The only way you can help it is if you somehow see through the gambit. If your suspicions are strong enough. This itself seems like the illusion of control as well. In trying to define life as this or that, not this and not that, control, no control, we assume that the pairs of opposites have some validity in how they are not what they are opposed to. It is this validity which must be undermined with insight for truth to be revealed. For me to say I am or I do not exist  still lends to much credence to ideas which are not real, perspectives which are incomplete. The truth is exactly in the middle between I am and there is no self. How we see both is incomplete, yet both have the truth within them. A truth only realized when the non duality of the pair is realized. 

Interesting. Very interesting. I think the non-reality of self is so avoided in Western culture that we can find perhaps more truth,  or find truth more easily by studying this. Anyway, today I found it a great pleasure to not exist.