The whole and the part

 I was thinking today about how we want things that are often right in front of us, but we don't go go for them. We sometimes want or try to force ourselves to grasping for them, but often it doesn't feel right to be so forceful. Why? When I returned to my house I had some thoughts about this that I feel are interesting and possibly useful. They felt very useful indeed. Ok, so we have a lot of confusion about how to behave correctly in all kind of situations. We have this inner sense of right and wrong that goes as deep as it gets. Understanding this sense and being able to interpret it on a daily basis is useful right? So the thought I had was our confusion arises over both our delusion surrounding what we think we can obtain and our delusion surrounding our identity and the nature of reality. When we identify with the illusory part, the ego, which thinks that it is what it is not, we are perpetually handicapped in our quest to obtain what we want. The pork roast that I am currently crockpotting of this discussion is actually how to obtain balance in life through right perception and right action. We are not the part, the ego. We are the whole. Always. We do not move in isolation from the world or universe. We are a part of and the whole universe moving at once. So our action is not limited to our egoic will, our action is the whole world moving at once. We don't move in isolation, we are the whole moving. When we think we are separate from this and ignore our sense of it, of the whole, we ignore how things are moving and acting in this moment. We don't see it, so we stumble in the dark maybe not even towards what we want. We only see what we think we want because we are blind to reality in our egoic consciousness. We may see ourselves acting in such a way reaching for such a think, creating such an experience, but we are really incapable of seeing what is actually happening, what we are actually doing, what we are actually manifesting, because of our limited delusory focus. Our ego says, "I want this". When we are blinded by egoic passion, we say this, but we can't see what we really want, or the big picture. Blinded in our egoic passion, we can't see that the world is moving in a more complicated and in some ways different way. We are so conditioned to listen to this egoic voice, to think we need to strengthen our egoic will, yet it is impossible to succeed doing so while it it maintains a false perception of the way the world is and works. We are not just ourselves moving. In REI when I saw that hot girl and I was looking at her butt and my friend said just go and talk to her, I felt the egoic passion well up, to try and force me into action. Then I thought that this egoic perspective is not the entire picture, that I am not just this individual moving around. I am all these people in the store moving together in one will and one movement. The suffering arising with ego is due to the misperception. We are often so attached to egoic desire and egoic pleasure, that we however subtly brush aside consciousness that undermines it's authority. We want to want. We want to burn. We are mad with desire and the illusion of power that fulfilling egoic desire gives us. Unfortunately. I don't think I would see this all so clearly, and be able to just not act on that impulse if I hadn't lost so much and been pried so open. If I wouldn't have seen the deep delusion of egoic desire, passion and pleasure so clearly because I was wounded so much by it. If I would have succeeded more, I would still be a blind fool. A fool with deep thoughts, but blind to what righteousness means in it's deepest sense and blind to the deep delusion of egoic identity which is the most subtle prison we inhabit. You can have all the pleasures in the world, all the success as an individual and still not know yourself. Still be tied to your egoic consciousness as your believed self, and still suffer not being truly free. This is my deepest desire, to be truly free, I think even deeper than my desire for egoic pleasure. This means giving up more and becoming more, and less, than I think nearly everyone can fathom. It is not what spiritual seekers think it is. Yet I find that I can't stand being trapped in this nightmare of delusion we call ourself. I guess if we can distinguish with great skill the difference between the egoic pull and the movement of the whole and can let go of that egoic pull through acceptance of the movement of the whole, what is real, then we can be free of this mad dance and this mad rat race that we find ourselves in. Reality can be so confusing, so complicated. With such depth, and so many degrees of meaning, and points that we feel we need to attend to. If you can sense the whole, then you may be able to let go of a great degree of tension, struggle, and anxiety. Seeing the whole automatically changes our behavior. Realizing that we are the whole will moving, not our egoic perception, and seeing the whole move is an end to the personal struggle to make sense out of what we ought to do in this moment. If you see the whole move, then you realize that you automatically move with it, and you see yourself moving with it. Here there is no resistance, there is just movement. No choice to be made, no decision to be made, just the whole moving, you in it, with it, deciding and doing in it, never separate from it. There is a peace here that the heart yearns for, that it struggles to realize through contemplation and action. The final delusion that keeps us from this peace is the delusion that it is us, who are separate from life, that are in total control, have total responsibility, and have total authority to take action and make choices to determine how our lives and the world are, when in reality the responsibility is shared among the horde of form that moves interdependently and singularly as one will and one force. It is the clear and striking sense of this deshrowded will that hums with the vibration that gives us peace. It is something to perceive. Not something to necessarily know.  

Achieving for ourselves is not the entire picture. It is a part of it. We cling to this part with so much force that we are unbalanced. Often very unbalanced. Our society is in the heart of this perception. Realizing it's limitation is going often in what appears and is experienced personally as the opposite direction. A direction that society perceives often as unbalanced and mad as well. Yet, the ground found through this realization is the solidest ground you can find anywhere. I do not think it easy now to realize this. Not at all. This does not mean it isn't worthwhile to pursue. We are so immersed in the feeling that life is about satisfying these personal ambitions and desires. So caught up in these notions. Most of which aren't our own in the first place. We are so heavily focused on personal and outward success and so unbalanced by this focus that I think many of us are terribly unhealthy and terribly unhappy. Not to mention, terrible lost. This one movement, this will that is everyone and everything moving with us in a way not separate from us, is the heart of our hearts. It is the light that fills the void that is a nightmare in our hollowed out and frankly raped society. Greed, fear, madness, and an immaturity which is narcissism and selfishness consume us, our society and our world. They fill it with this nightmarish vacuum that most are terrified to confront directly. There is so much more than this egoic ambition. This one movement, this heart, this truth that truly is all that shines, is our being, our soul, and if you can call anything our self, it is our self. It is the life force that we depend on and that we are utterly starved of, even as it is and surrounds us in infinite depth everywhere. We are in the desert. Yet the desert is just our imagination. There is abundance all around us. We can not realize this when we are consumed by our egos. Consumed by fear. We can reach for what we desire for ourselves. We can have more success when we realize that this self we call our own is a part of something much much larger. We may even find peace when we can let go of much that we call our own to become what we already are. 

We can't beat the world, we are the world. We are the world being moving right now, right here, right now. Good luck figuring this one out...