Seven Shades of Merlin

 

Sup peoples

    Things continue to get more interesting. My life continues to turn towards the unimaginable. My direction is becoming a magical field of flowers in which I don't seem to be looking as much ahead. And where who I am is not who I thought I was going to be. Life decided to get outrageous. Fortunately for me. Perhaps my life is becoming increasingly fey. This is one aspect, enhanced by the sparkling Christmas tree to my right, an invitation to trip out. Lol. It's like hey, I'm a tree. I'm a tree with little blue, red, yellow, green and white lights on it. Pretty sweet right? I'm in your living room too, just chillen. You fuckers had to cut me down. Whatev's I'm a just do my thing while I can. 
     I think it's this time of year. Something magical happens during Winter. Some strange otherworldly energy blows through and fills the air. I feel like I'm living more in astral space. My mind feels like it's easier to slip. Perhaps easier to dream. I wasn't so sure I would enjoy Winter. Corona sucks, and the state of the US sucks a lot, but I love how it feels outside. I just wish we humans were more quiet so we could hear it better. I really do think now is a time for inner healing, consolidation of energies, and a deepening of feeling. To become more still, and less attached to the happenings of the world. To let things go and go someplace else. Where the mind is quiet and the sense of self is more flowy. Something is happening now, something you can't get at any other time of the year. Peace, take care, Merry Christmas

Journal # something

      I think there are some things I want to reflect on and share with someone, if at least with myself. I have continued to have cool experiences before I go to sleep at night. These experiences are like mini revelations. I am always thinking about stuff and often this thinking is semi-conscious while my attentions are divided on other things. When I go to sleep and have these experiences, they bring my thoughts to the forefront due to their potency, in a way that grabs my mind which is often not really interested in the flow of my consciousness. It grabs my mind in a way that is tied to feelings and I think memories from my childhood, both of these which correspond to dimensions of the soul, or human psychology that have completely disappeared from my life. The more awake I become, the more my soul is opened up. The more it opens, the more meaningful feelings and aspects of myself I both remember and discover. Often, both at the same time, which is quite a wondrous feeling. It is this deepening and re accessing of old feelings that really grabs my attention. Especially when it is dumped in my lap more abruptly.
     I will do my best to describe my experience last night. What I remember dealt with a deepening of my understanding and experience of God and I think also of the Universe. It was such a beautiful experience because it touched my heart in a way that I don't think I believed was possible. I was thinking about the notion of how God speaks to people and what that means. How one way I experience this is through the kind of divine aura of ascended masters that permeates into environment of my feeling experience. I was thinking how these masters are still people I think, and that their will is God's will. From this thought I wondered if there was a deeper dimension to God, a dimension where the individual was more merged with the Universe than how I imagined ascended masters to be. I realized, as I lay on my back in the dark, that it was possible for individual consciousness to go even further than I had imagined ascended masters to go. Not just individuals, but what makes us personal. I saw how God is really the complete integration of Universal Awareness. That god is a true singularity. Before I have wondered how personal God's intentions are, I questioned if God's will was limited to a more objective natural law. But last night I saw how the heart of the Universe is in fact the end point of the most personal and conscientious development of individual consciousness. How God's being is in fact born from the development of sentient life...Holy shit right?...I think I touched on a truth that is so real and profound that I hadn't known among the many other foundational truths that I have learned. Our minds are destined to become God's mind. At least subjectively, because it seems like objectively, all their is is God's mind, God's being, and god's will. But personally we evolve consciously to realize a single will that is the will of the whole universe. A single personal and intentional will. This will is in fact at the heart of who we are. It meant so much that God was so personal. I think it makes sense and was a brick in the wall of my understanding and feeling. I think I knew this in my heart and experience it on a daily basis. I feel that the universe is something extremely personal and intimate, that the will of God isn't dead, but is a living personal force. This feels more like the true heart of the universe. The true being which stands alone in the profundity of dark space. This is more of the nature of the mysterious light that shines impossibly in the void. 
     It's a really cool feeling to see how everything around is isn't random or lifeless. It is extremely personal and alive. The will that creates everything and is everything is a living being, with feelings, and perhaps even thoughts, desires. This passion and vitality seems more appropriate than my previous thoughts and perceptions. Anyway...

Yoooo

     Finished the book in two weeks. About 96 pages, soon to be 97 or 98 with a forward. After I made the commitment to write the book I realized I was kind of pushing it, which is usually what I do when I feel really good. It seemed at the time to be a goal that would consume all of my time, which it did, when I may have been looking for something more balanced. Oh well, it's a good book and I learned a great deal in writing it and got to some cool places in my mind because of it. I think I am going to title it Merlin's Musings Volume I with some additional script like Perception or something like that. It is written in the style of my blog, a kind of stream of consciousness centered around given topics. Each chapter is a different topic. I didn't have any plan for the book except to write something coherent and good. I just sat down and let my feelings guide me. It doesn't have an explicit structure, but it flows from chapter to chapter like a spiral going up into the sky. I think the message is one that may bubble up intuitively as the book is read. I think it's message is basically this is how the universe works! This is how humans work! What can we do to live harmoniously?? Life is incredible!! Party on!!!
     I feel like my vision as a writer is more developed now as is my ability. I feel like I'm settling into some core terrain that I look forward to elucidating with greater skill. It's exciting to feel like you have something worth saying and that you feel like you are beginning to be able to communicate it in an effective way, and that you enjoy this work thoroughly. It feels like dharma to me. Like a deep smooth and rich current that my soul has traveled on into this life that now is taking shape, and will continue to take shape for a long time, in being a writer. I am excited to continue writing and to reach more people. To take what I am learning to different mediums such as being a public speaker, lecturer, and teacher. My being is totally in line with this path, which is a feeling that bestows such a degree of confidence that I have felt was available if I took the time to get to know myself well enough. It is possible to have this kind of relationship to your work. Where you genuinely want to do it and you feel your whole being on board in such a way that the fulfillment of the work flows effortlessly out of you. I have sacrificed a lot to discover these kinds of relationships in my life and I still suffer to bring them into fruition. My being seems, in the long run, committed to making this relationship the standard in all avenues in my life. To me it seems like the natural perfection of the self and for me this is something that a deeper part of me knows I can achieve. If you give your best feelings room to breathe they will lead you to this place. 
     Life doesn't have to be a constant battle. You can tune into things that bring levity to your life. You can create a field of positivity that raises you above defeating energies. I don't think this is easy for most people, but it is possible, and I think it is a certain as any other known science. It is the science of the alchemy of the soul, which is learned through one's intuition. It's basically a series of elaborate internal mechanics that you can learn and master. Even see. It requires faith in what you, for the time being, can't necessarily see, but what you can feel, and what your feelings tell you is true. Your feelings will lead you to your personal salvation and enlightenment if you have the courage to follow them. It may not be pretty and it may be more of an Odyssey than you like, but this is to be expected in a world so backwards. Anyhoo, thanks for reading and take it easy, spring breazy! 

Yo peeps.

 71 pages dog! Shit's lit! No shade here boss!

     Lol. I have spent most of the 9 days writing a book. Not just a book, but a boo-k. Lol. Had some ups and downs with my energy, but for the most part it has been super salad. Sorry, I mean super solid. I'm so silly..Anyhoo, I've just been putting it all out there with my writing and it's been challenging, but super interesting. 

     I have basically just been free-wheeling in a sense, although it is composed in standard paragraph chapter form for the most part. I haven't made any plans for what I am going to write about until I get to the chapter head and the new chapter is basically a continuation of sorts of the previous chapter. I'm bouncing around with all kinds of ideas and information, but it seems to be spiraling towards deeper meaning. It's cool to just write without a plan and see it all spontaneously come together without doing anything but directing my will towards writing something good and letting it happen. 

     It's basically how I write my blog and do everything. Just go with the fucking flow dog. Trust it will work out and just be myself, following my heart and my feelings. When I write, I learn as I write. I don't think about it first, formulate my ideas, and put it into coherent form. I just open up the flood gates. I'm kind of channeling my intuition which learns details without my full consciousness. My intuition develops so quickly that as I write I can go, kind of, levels deeper than I was conscious of before I began writing. It's pretty sweet, and I think it happens because I have cultivated this ability over the years. So much of it is just allowing life to be and learning in detail how to stop conventional habits that impede consciousness. I think the coolest part was taking on the perspective of the avatar that is the true "I" It was a place of such clarity and groundedness. It felt like the writing of the Bhagavat Gita which is written from the perspective of Krishna and Vishnu, who is this avatar. 

     Being in these kinds of places of consciousness really undermines a lot of you fears. When you can see that clearly what is real, it gives you more confidence in what may feel like unseen spiritual principles. I am getting closer to my dreams and closer to living from the kind of inspired space that I have been creating for so long. Keep it up bretheren! I am here for you! Yukon Duet!

Back to the blog

 Yo!. Been a few days since I have blogged. I have been at it. It has been good and getting better. I have written about 46 pages of a book that I intend to sell for mad dough! We'll see about that, anyway it's a really cool project and it is moving me closer towards fulfilling my dreams. Speaking of dreams, just go for them! Why wait to be happy? Just take steps and you'll get there. There is a finite distance between all things. You just have to believe that you can get there. The universe will respond. You have to find a way to open up your heart to the possibility of life working out. The power of your spirit works in ways you may not believe in or imagine. Just sitting here and feeling good about who you are can bring you so much. Hoping even for something greater to come your way shifts the cosmos. 

Sending you love and good vibes.

May all your dreams come true

And may you be lifted from your troubles

Amen

A New Day

      Over the last 4 or 5 days, or maybe a week, my energies have had a particular character. I have felt slightly more confident in not forcing myself to do anything. I have felt slightly more like I am. When I spoke on a few occasions, I actually might have been speaking. Haha. This sounds ridiculous unless you know where I am coming from. The kind of presence I had was just entirely unfettered. If you have been on the dark night of the soul or you feel like you don't know who you are then you may understand. I have been anticipated these kinds of experiences for years, nearly a decade. I have given everything that I can to shedding what I felt wasn't real or me and allowed myself to undergo a great deal of suffering. Perhaps I didn't need to do this, but this is the way I went. This was the best I could do as far as I can tell. I hope it can be much easier for others. I hope I can use what I learned from my pains to make the way smoother for those to come and those who are coming. 
     Last night, I reached the end of this little segment. After resting and nearly napping for 6 or seven hours and watching 1 and a half Timothy Dalton Bond movies, which I am happy to say are better than I thought, my direction shifted. I had been without vision, ambition, direction except in that I was allowing my energies to play out as they were. I didn't know, or really even think much about where they were headed, I was actually feeling a decent amount of anxiety yesterday and couldn't see clearly at all, even if there wasn't much filling my heart in terms of personal ambition, what this movement was heading towards, but I think Gurdjieff, who I had been reading and understanding much better for the first time, imposed himself on my soul and set my sights truer as I absorbed his wisdom and abruptly changed my entire direction. From what I have read, Gurdjieff is all about human beings cultivating true being as opposed to mechanized, hypnotic, dream-like operation in which we are vaguely aware, dimly aware of what's really go on. He's about presence and the vigorous will to wake oneself up to the truth of themselves. Being alive and alert. I do not know if I can communicate what was happening to me, but it was of this spirit. At around 230 am this rush of composed yet vigorous and driven thought came to me. I was going to wake up earlier this new day and return to many of my, what had been largely absent during these last 5 days, personal ambitions. I felt vigorously enthused to re-engage them, as well as more confident than before that I could make healthy gains from them. Nearly all of my anxiety had vanished, an anxiety which was replaced by an instinctual and primal confidence given to me by the integrity of my vital energies that were stimulated by these new thoughts. A kind of Robin Hood, James Bond, vigorous primal confidence largely bestowed on those who are in the right in several kinds of ways, most importantly being the way they put their bodies on the line for the common Good and know it. They are not just right in thought and feeling, but they have brought this vision to their vitality and their senses. To their muscles, their flesh, and their organism, their animal. Great power is forged here, especially when the individual begins to walk around in the world, carrying this vigorous flame and shocking those around them with their sparking, passionate, vital energies. It's game time energy. It's realizing your mortality energy, that you are an organism of flesh energy. That you are this body energy. The raw passion of being a human being in a human body energy. What is often missing energy. What I will tear down the world with energy. And what I will rebuild it with energy. 
     I am going to write a book. I am going to write many books. This is one of many things I will do. I probably will engage myself in day trading over the coming weeks. I am going to make a lot of money. I am going to use this money to raise my vibration of energy so that I can receive clearer messages from God. So that I can spread my influence wider and deeper, and connect with many more people. I am going to speak out and speak up. I am going to plan, to research, awaken, build, spread, cross, heave, hew, spark, send, animate, spend, see, work, grow. I am the fire of the world. I am the will of life. I will breath vigorous life into this world. I will breath vigorous life into myself. I'm going all the way. 
I am the vigorous will of life.

A book a book a book a book. I will write a book. A book on paper, or on a screen. Not on a bag which is far too mean. Not crude, not loose, but flat and straight, the lines will grow, like rows of fate. A book with words, a book with things. A book, I hope, with gems that ring. Tailored to the waking eye. Misgivin to none, not I. A book with merit and lofty aim. That doth contain the spirit's game. A book for all, and yet to some, will this  merry book of mine come. Some soon, some late. Some fast, some wait. 

It rings and rings and rings so clear. And burns and burns and burns dear. It's just the start, one play, one part. One day, one dart. Today, I start. The words will flow like falling rain, onto the page of yesterday. I write, I sit, I will not twit. My aim is great, and so, I hope, is my fate. I ask for much and I burn quite hot, yet I think what I give returns my lot. I've spent great many a day bequeathing you, to deliver to me this holy food. Is mana my lot? When I'm out at sea? Is this really my destiny? I will not wait to grate and grate my teeth, dealing with what their is no knowing. I will stand, I pray, beside the Light, as it doth pour into my might. I will give with all that I can bear. To the world, which is my care. This book for you. This book for me. This book for all that I can see. Let it shine and let it wave, like the flag from some holy place in some holy day. Upon a hill, a sparkle in the distance, hope has returned! Let this book be it's witness! 
May what I give with what I say, be enough, to make you gay
Let my hand be guided, let my thought be inspired by the highest
Let this book provide in many ways, what has been missing from our days
On Gold rimmed paper will I write, on Gold rimmed paper will I strive
To emulate God's grace, to deliver God's ways
To stand in the Light, so that God I can praise
Let it be so
Amen