"We Are" Consciousness

     We are one

     We are one people. We are one race. We are one race of human beings. No-thing divides us. No-thing can. We are one. We are one people. We are one voice. We have one purpose. One design. One measure. One body. One shared being. We are one.
     We have always been one, and we will always be one. In war, hate, strife, disease. We remain undivided. We remain united. This is the truth which we don not see. It is the way before us and behind us. It is the way now. We walk on this path together. We always have and we always will. We are one. What we may or may not think does not change this. This is stronger than what any human can build. It is intrinsic to us, apart of every part and every dimension of who we are. It lives within our cells and cannot be avoided in anything we say. This is the truth. We are one.
     Now, as we always have been and always will be, we are called to unite in humanhood across all divides. We are called by every ounce of our being to realize the unity of humankind. We are called to see through the cobwebs and the dust in our house and realize our shared inhabitance, our single body of human spirit and human wisdom. We have always shared this and we always will. We have been connected across the world since the dawn of time. Our hearts are undivided. Our feelings are the same. Our love is our love. We have one human feeling. One beating heart.
     We struggle to be ourselves, we struggle to realize our kinship, our unity, to fulfill our soul on this Earth. This is our destiny. This is our purpose. It is written in our hearts by the voice of God. We can't turn away from it, no matter how much we wish it. It is the aching in our chests from which wishes spring. It is the heart of our hearts. We are one. We are one.
     The awareness of this and the embodiment of this is the salvation of the human species and of life on Earth. We are tied to this Earth as we are tied to each other. Through realizing this we gain the power and the wisdom to restore the balance of life on this planet. We learn how to live in harmony with each other and with the Earth.
     We do not need to change who we are. For we already are perfectly one. Perfectly unified. Perfectly whole. If we see this in great numbers across the world, we will gain the power to be free.
     This is the undoing of all that we believe divides us. This is clarity and awakening. This is clarity and awakening. This is liberation. This is the pursuit of freedom, justice, and equality in their fullest sense; all of these emanating from the Divine Heart which burns in a passionate flame for the fulfillment and liberation of humankind. This is the heart of Christ. All Christs. All true Christians. It is the sacred heart that lies in the bosom of all true faiths and of all people who are awake to the unity of humankind. "We are One" or "We Are" is the consciousness that does and will unite all religions. It is the Universal Religion of Love, Joy and the worshiping of life: which is God. Worshiping creation, which is this moment and this life, as it is, right now. Worshiping all life and all people.
     "We are one" and "We are" consciousness is the revelation that creation is happening right now. This Earth is the body of God. It is the body of God being born anew every moment. "We are" apart of this creation, not only in body, but in ability. "We are" one with the Lord. We have the power to create as we will. We have the power to shape the world as we will. "We Are" and "I am" is the realization that we are not only one with the Lord, but that we are the Lord. We are Gods creating the Earth. We are a multitude of God beings sharing One God consciousness. This is the essence of "We Are" consciousness. Hence referred to as "We Are One". Our consciousness is undivided and single. It is one body, one being, one field. This is the meaning of "We Are One". All humans moving and being one succinct heart and mind. This is our highest and single aim. This is reality as we do not know or experience it, but as we are. In this way, it is what we know and experience.
     "We Are" and "I am" is the fulfillment of humankind in every way. It is the integration of all aspects of human thought and development into one body and one expanding intelligence. It is the integration and unity of the arts, the sciences, culture, religion, government and business into one body: into one thought. The thought of the wholesome expansion and integrity of humankind and life on Earth. This is why "We Are" consciousness promotes the sustainable and wholesome use of the Earth's resources. A sustainable consumption of the Earth's resources is a sustainable human civilization. This is not progressive Green politics, this is common sense. The are finite and the Earth's ecosystems which support our consumption are fragile and may collapse if we don not properly care for them. This is not politics, this is survival. This is prosperity versus chaos.
     "We are" consciousness is the simultaneous development and integration of all aspects of life. It is the development of science, technology, and manufacturing, as well as the cultivation and integration of business. It is the full embrace of the individual and the full integration of all individuals into one society with one consciousness. Like it or not, this is the way. It is the way of things now, it is just hard for many to see it as evolves through time. We are each little cogs in the machine that is generating Unity Consciousness. For a while, we will only see ourselves as little cogs among other little cogs, rather than as all of us being the Whole machine. This integration of human endeavors does not necessarily force us to change. It may be soft and slowly applied over such a time that we barely recognize this change happen. In other ways it is and will be sudden and swift. As much as this effort is human beings making human decisions, it is nature itself unfolding and evolving, consciousness itself uncontrollably evolving within humanity like spilled water spreading across a glass table, eventually making the whole table wet, without any effort save the force of gravity acting upon the inherent qualities of water. As much as it may be a human movement for the fulfillment and emancipation of human beings, it is simply the natural evolution of life and consciousness.
     This is why I know it to be something good. It is not forced ideology. It is the embrace of all ideologies, all walk of life. It is their embrace and dissection in a logical and intuitive way. It is in the spirit of distilling truth from our beliefs. This is not something novel, it is a perpetual process in all of our minds and hearts. We constantly refine our perceptions to distill deeper and deeper truths about ourselves and the world. The full embodiment of "we are" consciousness is merely the application of this distilling to all beliefs we may hold. In a way it is the complete distillation of our beliefs into divine direct perception. From believing into knowing from absolute clarity of sense perception. All humans already engage in this process of distilling, many of us just believe firmly that some beliefs are absolutely right and should not be subject to reason. We believe in believing. We don't yet see the limitations of belief based on blind faith. By distilling our beliefs into direct sense, we can see what is real and we can interact with life in a way that best suits us. This is one reason why it is good.
     Not only is it t eh cultivation of liberated perception, it is the full embrace of everyone and everything. It is Universal Love and the practice of Universal Love. it is a Love that doesn't stop with sexual orientation, race, belief, religion, nation, politics, or social standing. It is a love that is divine and is free from the bondage of dogma. It is a Love from an awakened heart and an awakened mind. I'm not sure if the heart can be fully open if the mind is not fully awake; for the mind and the heart are one. The bodies in our minds are the same as the bodies in our hearts. We cannot give ourselves fully to the world if we are deeply immersed in dogma. I think as dogma is innately a closure of the mind, it is also a closure of the heart. I think a transcendent Universal Love is the highest love and I think it is only accessible through some form of "We Are" consciousness. "We are" consciousness fully embodies is both perfection of the mind and perfection of the heart. It is perfection and fulfillment of our human destinies. This is why it is good.
     "We are" consciousness is enlightenment. It is the perfection and the full realization of a human being. It is a "Universal Religion". It is the liberation of human beings in mind, heart, body, and spirit. The darkness of delusion envelops human potential in every way. Full realization does not end with awakened mind and hear. It is a transformation of the body as well. It is a transformation of the whole of our being. This is what awakened mind and awakened heart truly mean. The reorientation of our cells from aggressiveness and agitation to the highest harmony of cellular function. Perhaps even to perfect cellular function. I believe that it can lead to the conquering of disease, old age, and even death. It is and leads to the complete transcendence of the darkness of delusion and all the consequences of delusion in our world. Ridding ourselves of delusion frees our minds, hearts, and bodies. When darkness is removed from our souls and is replaced by Light, our bodies have been cleansed and endowed with greater intelligence. This intelligence is not merely greater harmony within the body, but the awakening and developing of unused faculties within us. The removal of delusion releases one from what we believe are permanent limitations on our abilities. Not only are we released from the limitations on our inner sight, which make us feel separate from God, we are released from any physical or mental limitation into the field of infinite potential and infinite creativity.
     We begin to see the body and all external forms merely as objects in mind which can be manipulated, as one will, through the correct focus of one's imagination. The Earth seems less solid and our bodies less fixed. The Earth seems not just to be floating in outer space, but within a boundless field of mind. Part of this perception is the feeling that anything in this mind field can be manipulated. It is if is the powers of our imagination, which can creating anything in an instant, applies also to anything one can perceive. The universe appears holographic and the awakened mind possesses the intelligence to alter these projections of light however it sees fit. "We are" consciousness is the root of this awakened intelligence.
     "We are" consciousness is Christ consciousness. It is the Christ self that dwells within all form, and is all form. Christ consciousness is the heart of wisdom. It is awareness of the Whole that allows us to guage the universe accurately. Christ consciousness is our conscience. This is why it is important and useful to listen to our conscience. One's conscience is the intelligence within themselves that is aware of the whole of reality. Because it is aware of the whole, you can trust that it won't lead you astray. Christ consciousness creates wholesome order on Earth and in the Universe.
     "We are" consciousness is Christ consciousness from an interpersonal perspective. From the dimension of "We" or "Us" compared to the dimensions of "I" or "It". "We are" Christ together. "We are" wisdom, truth, the Light. "We are One" means that we are the One Christ that lives within all forms. We are the single intelligence, the single being that lives within all things. We are not separate beings, we are one being. "We are one" points to this spiritual truth. This consciousness call on us to overcome our differences in the Light and truth of our Unity as a people. It calls on us to come together in celebration of this truth. To unleash our infinite creativity and infinite intelligence, and direct both towards the liberation of the human species. To right the wrongs on Earth and restore the balance of life. It is a call for each of us to step up and get involved. To tune into the Divine truth speaking to us from within. To overcome our personal struggles and direct our full attention to the liberation of the human species and the protection of life on this planet. To realize that, "I Am" this. This universe, I am the Lord, and so are You. We, (you, I and all of us together) are one, and our bond is the glory and Light of Life. it is our purpose and our deepest desire to live from this awareness and to create peace on Earth through the awakening and liberation of the human species.
     To integrate the arts, the sciences, technology, business and religion in the wisdom of Christ consciousness for the purpose of the fulfillment of humankind. To transcend fear, dogma, and to use our integrated intelligences to unlock all dimensions of human potential. To create infinite energy technology accessible by all people; to solve the mysteries of life concerning sickness, death, and old age; to unlock our psychic powers becoming telepathic, possessing telekinesis, to levitate, to teleport, and transform our entire bodies into pure energy and travel through all dimensions of our universe; to create anti-gravity technology, warp drives, devices that can construct any object from energy. These are but grains of sand of the desert which approaches. This is the future and the destiny of the present. The time is NOW  to activate and to unite. To awaken and to imagine and to create. We have the power now to liberate ourselves and each other through the pursuit of Love, Joy, and the science and alchemy of the transmutation of the self. Awaken! Awaken NOW!. We are the power and we are one. Rise now! We are one NOW!. We are one!

   

Journal Entry #14 Being, Ego, Dreaming, Being Awake, THE RETURN OF THE POINT (The point V)

What is there to see here?
Trees, boards on a deck, a watch on my wrist
What's going on?
Moment and stillness
Life and nothing
Presence
Every and any kind of flow
Floating in the void
Is there anything behind what I see?
Perhaps. What is behind that?
I think I seek merely to see what I am
Which is my boundless nature
This is my sole purpose
To be aware of myself
To live in awareness of myself
This is what I am.
Being. Awareness
All that I am. No more.
When I am and do not see this, I suffer.
I suffer in how I do not see this.
In how I believe I am other than this
This is all I am
Being.
Perhaps not even this.

Everything else appears secondary
Transient and unimportant
It simply seems like it is
All of this seems transient
This moment seems to pass before I experience it
I feel like I'm grasping at it like something not quite here
Something not quite formed
I know that I am formed, but I do not see it or experience it clearly.
At least I don't think that I do.
It is probably all I do see.
My brain is stuck wallowing in despair
It lacks the proper balance of chemicals and energies.
It clings to it's fears like a fading dream lingers in our minds when we awaken and begin to go about our day
The mentality we have as participants in our dreams still affects us after we awake. It slowly moves to the back of our mind, diminishing. The same is true of the ego; it slowly diminishes in our minds, occupying dimensions of less and less importance. The illusory reality of it's existence, it's struggling and desiring, exist and pass just as dreams pass from the mind as one awakens from sleep. At first easily confused with waking reality, then,  as we gradually come to our senses, more and more obviously perceived as sputterings of an imagination disconnected from reality. (I refer only to the manufactured aspects of dreams here. The superficial images and environments that are in no way real, but do contain real feelings and thoughts of the dreamer.)

     The ego seems to be a projection of light onto a movie theater screen. We sit in a seat in the theater, which in this case is in our minds, and watch the film, our lives, play out. For a while we are completely captivated by the movie, fully immersed to the point of forgetting that we are sitting there watching it. We believe that it is our life, who we are. Then we slowly remember that , "Wait?, I don't think this is real." "I think i am something else." "Oh ya!, I'm just sitting in this theater watching this film." "Ah, this is who I am. this is what is real."
     This is the nature of the ego and of waking up from the dream of the ego. Much of our world is hypnotized by the dream of the ego, utterly confused about the nature of reality and who they are; believing that they are these little people with little dreams about little things. In no way is this bad. It just is. Just as trees and plants blossom in Spring. It does cause wars and suffering. Still, not bad, just painful and perhaps sad. Definitely frequently unpleasant. It is our very ego that says, "This is bad." "We must change it." I don't think we need to get rid of the ego because it is bad, I think it may be reasonable to get rid of it because it hurts so much. It may be awful. This too may be the trappings of the ego. But, I think it is not egoic to wish for people to be happy and well, but perhaps it is. Perhaps it is still blindness and imaginings of separation between what may be.
     Is it egoic to feel compassion for individuals who suffer? Are we judging them? I think it is true that they are sad, yet it may also be true that they are not; for I believe who we are underneath the sadness is always unblemished. And perhaps what we are sad about is something that we ought not to be sad about.
     It is confusing to imagine that "ultimate reality" is the same thing as egoic perception. That even in our blindness, we are whole and awake. This has been and still often is pretty confusing to me. The truth is that we are awake, yet we live in a world of delusion. ??? I wonder, is this still the reality of ascended masters like Jesus, the Buddha, and St. Germaine? You would think by their titles that they have "ascended"delusion and have "mastered" maya, the world of delusion. I feel that it may be possible to be perfectly enlightened, perhaps like them. But is this just a waste of time? Are we not perfectly enlightened now?
     This quandary is apart of my daily struggle for motivation. Why do anything if I am perfect as I am? Why strive for perfection of mind, body, and spirit that i already possess? I am perfect. I am awake. I am fulfilled. It seems like I am awake, within the mind (imagination) of delusion. Like, I am a star (awakeness) shining Light out into the darkness (delusion). Delusion is simply one of the infinite number of forms in the universe. The promniverse! Lol. Part of me desires to shine brighter, to use delusion as fuel for my becoming more of myself. I guess part of who I am is still immersed in delusion and believes it needs to break free of it, to be something more. This delusion still operates as delusion within me. the key is not forgetting that there is no difference between being awake and being asleep (lost in delusion). A key I often misplace. I imagine my desire as being different from desirelessness. I imagine that my pain is separate from my joy, that doing is somehow different from non-doing. That there are things such as doing and non-doing. I think I've been missing the point and I still think I do good and bad. What is the answer? What is the point?
     Well, I think the point is not the point I thought it was. And maybe in this way, it is what I thought it was! Lol. I think I have been just trying to get out of my pain, not necessarily find the truth, but the truth was the way out because I was in pain because I didn't see who I am. Because I was asleep. Life doesn't wait for anything to ketchup. It just goes.
     I think the point may only matter to those (that) which does not see the point. And the point may only be something to those who do not see it. When your awake being is just being. It isn't anything special or different than anything else. Because everything is the point. The point is everything. One big point. One little point. All around, point. Point, point, point. Point! Point. Point...This is it. This is it. We are searching for life itself, which is our very selves, our searching mind. It is absurd, yet it is the truth. We think we are lost. In many ways we are, but in our search for ourselves we truly have got the wrong idea. What we are now is what we are searching for. Not some deeper "what we are" that we don't see, literally what we do see right now. This is it. This is the answer. This is the point. Nothing else but this. Right in front of your eyes, right in your hands, whatever your thinking, feeling, imagining. This is it. When you look for somewhere else you're wrong. There is nowhere else. Nothing for you to find. You are it as you are now.

Bam!!
 
 

Black and white

Do we have control over our feelings? Do we just experience them? How much control do we have over our lives? 

We wish to change our feelings and our lives to avoid being upset. We think being upset is bad. Does changing and avoiding unpleasant feelings actually work? How much of our experience is more like a roller coaster going up and down, twisting and turning, where we are here merely to experience the ride rather than to control it's direction?

I see that I personally do make choices that affect and create the world around me, but this choosing seems equally outside of my control as it is in my control. Perhaps even less in my control. Who I am appears to be awareness and self-awareness computed from the data gathered through my senses and filtered through my mind. I do not feel that I am truly separate from my environment in any way. I only perceive that I am separate in my imagination. In fact I don't know exactly what I am at all. I don't think I know what anything is at all in an absolute way...Except that I think that I am love and I am the whole universe. But as much as this is a definite thing it also is equally open and uncertain and unknowable. I find that I find myself when I am totally open to not knowing myself. When I let go to the unknown I begin to be. I begin to be in a place where I know things. Here, I think the universe is still unknowable, but aspects of it are definitely knowable. I can know things for sure. How I feel and if what I think is true. I can accurately describe the world around me.

Whether or not we can change the world, we subjectively live in and experience a world where we do change the world, where we have volition. Denying this reality entirely without actually knowing isn't helpful. It seems like it's just suppressing unwanted and difficult feelings such as responsibility, guilt, embarrassment, and shame. Fear would also be a good one to mention, anger too. 

I think for nearly all of us, it is more helpful to embrace how we feel, this subjective dimension of our lives, where we struggle with our power to control ourselves and our environments. I think through facing it and accepting it, we can come to understand it better: whether it is real or not, whether we have free will or not. An all out denial seems like immaturity and delusion to me. A mindful embracing of this subjective experience seems much more healthy. I think for most of us, this subjective dimension where we experience choice is a permanent aspect of our lives. Whether it is real or not, we are stuck with it. Denying it won't eliminate it from our lives, it will just put it in a little corner of our minds where it will constantly bite and burn us. 

On the other hand holding on too tightly to control is equally problematic. Fearing what lies outside our control. Never letting go, never letting life flow on its own. This is another kind of hell. If we live in constant fear of the unknown: what is outside of ourselves, what is outside our control, we lack a healthy balance with our environments. We live in "forced" certainty where we desperately and tyrannically cling to what we know, and fearfully shove away everything else with all the strength we can muster. We are ruled by our fears and survival sense whether or not it is wise to do so: whether or not we are missing out on valuable opportunities and solutions passing right in front of us. We won't let ourselves know the unknown because we perceive it to be far too dangerous. We are cut off from the spontaneity of life, the unknowable uncertainty of life that provides solutions if it is given a chance. Our compulsive boa constrictor hold onto our life suppresses the energies, intelligences, and instincts that adapt to new circumstances: overcoming what once were seemingly insurpassable obstacles. 

This matters if we have choice. If we have the ability to both realize this and then change our actions to avoid these two scenarios. 

To me it seems like there are two dimensions which I operate in. Two dimensions, two sides of the same coin that is what I experience, that I cannot currently deny and that by participating in I gain peace and insight. 

I feel that these two dimensions are truly one. The first is that all that I am, all that this is moves in a way totally transcendent of my personal will. Life, space and time, is a river flowing downstream. I am either a whirlpool in the river, or the river itself simply flowing as it may. What does this mean?

It means that everything is a culmination of everything else, everything is determined by everything else right now. We don't have personal control. We just are the way we are and now and this is all there is to it. We just are. Life just is. This seems to me to be the bigger gear in the clock. My personal will, the other dimension, seems to be a facet of this reality. My personal will and feeling exist within the undivided spectrum of boundless being, where life moves and we move in an interdependent and non-separately fashion. Where I can't change this, because this is all there is. Personal will seems secondary to being. Although the reality is that even if our personal will is secondary to being, it is also apart of being and for a time as this person evolves and is, we have choices to make: we feel like we have willpower and we feel that our choices matter. This is where denying this truly subjective experience isn't helpful, and embracing it is. This is where this matters to us. Truly, really. 

It is clear to me that a healthy development of self always results in the embrace of one's inner feeling, or of the wisdom that we grow through this inner feeling rather than by suppressing it. In my own experience,  broader truer perspective has been gained through the embrace of my own feelings. Objectivity and clarity gained through a development of the heart. These have actually been impeded my ignoring and suppressing my feelings. I discovered the broader dimension of the Flowing River of Life  through an expansion and deepening of my feelings to something that went beyond myself. Seeing this bigger picture brings stillness to my heart. Seeing this solidifies the unity of myself with the world a little more every time. When I see it, my sorrows and my joys seem more one than two. Like intertwining currents in the same flow of divine light and bliss. I feel less opposed to my sorrows and more comfortable going with the flow. It's all going to the same place anyway. In his autobiography, Yogananda Paramhansa describes life similarly to this . He says that he saw a war in a vision and felt how the terrible current of this war was completely apart of a divine play that encompasses all the effort of humankind and all of life. Divine or not, negativity seems inseparable from positivity. In fact these are just words that separate the experience of the world in our minds, that in no way separate sorrow and joy in the world as it is. From this perspective it seems that the attempt to avoid any negativity is in fact delusional. Because we can't avoid negativity and there is nothing wrong with it. Attempting to avoid it will actually bring it to you. There is in fact no direction that is better than another. All roads lead to nirvana.  

I have felt this recently in a Zen sort of way. Like no matter what I did, I would experience suffering because of my karma, but that that suffering would end because my karma, all karma, leads to the gold of liberation. It felt like it was useless to attempt to pick a better path, because all paths were the same. The perception of "better" was just that, a perception. A delusional attempt to get to fulfillment. In reality we are already on the path headed towards liberation. There is nothing we can do to deter ourselves from that eventuality. We just think we can avoid pitfalls on the way. I don't think we can. On this level, our task is not to choose a direction, but to keep on walking. To simply be ourselves and by simply being ourselves, purifying our consciousness and attaining nirvana. 

So to answer my inquiries. Do we have control over our feelings? We may feel that we do, but this control exists within a bigger picture of total flow. Do we just experience them? Yes, but we also experience ourselves having control over them. How much control do we have over our lives? Some perhaps. Even if we do have control, it seems like no matter what choices we make we arrive at the same destination...One more thing. This destination we arrive at, the level of all levels, is the present moment. It is right here and right now. It is this. Always this. And no matter if we do or don't perceive it, it is the end and beginning of who we are, it is the answer we are searching for, and it is us doing the searching feeling we are lost. 

Peace!

Walking in a forest

The beginning of this poem may be disturbing and may cause misunderstanding. This poem describes the process in which the ego is transcended. The description of the animal, and of the flesh being ground down are metaphors. They illustrate what an individual goes through when the ego is dissolving into awareness. It passes like an old animal may die, unsightly in its broken down condition yet still clinging to life even though the end is inevitable. Something new must come, and what exists now must pass away. The "Flesh ground down by the stones of the Earth" refers to the hardness and opposition that the Earth brings to bear on all life that eventually ends all life. Our lives and wills are slowly ground down by the titanic forces of nature. It is meant to cause a visceral response. Through this response, the senses are awakened and the truth can be seen...

Walking in a forest

Run down and run out
Mangy fur and shaking hind legs
Flesh ground down by the stones of the Earth
A lake of black in the mind
Stress and fatigue
The way is ground down
What shouldn't be is exposed
Like a jagged wound
The corpse is mostly bones
Some protruding from a mound of Earth
More apart than not apart of the surrounding forest
It is mostly covered in grass and ferns
They have grown through the skull
Grass, ferns, flowers on a mound with bones in Spring
There is a faint trace of what used to be there,
But there is also the gentle warmth of the sun
And the fragrance of new growth and delicate flowers
One door is nearly shut
Another is slightly more than halfway open
I can feel Spring flow through it
Warmth, fresh aromas, and life
Something died in the past
Something has been growing in the present
It can no longer be ignored
The light is bright
And requires one to shield their eyes
At least for a while...
It is pleasant
And invigorating
Their is a gentle breeze
Cool and fresh
Bringing fragrant smells
Making you curious
Making you want to walk around
Sleight excitement from the calm and quiet
You stand up and stretch your legs, arms, and back
Energy begins to pour within you
Filling up your body, from you feet to your head and from within to your hands, your face, and eyes
Swirling inside of you, exciting you,
Your body begs to move and it does
You move without thinking and take in your surroundings through your senses
You are one with the world, you are one with the forest

Plan for "We Are" Consciousness part II

Yo Peeps! This is my second burst of thought on my plan for "We Are" consciousness. Unity consciousness spreading across Earth! How do we do it? This is part of it! I wrote down my planning on notebook paper and then recorded/explained this work on these two video files. It's just audio. The written plans mentioned in the audio are posted below. Hope you enjoy! Just getting better and better! Rock on friends! : )

The Power of Spontaneity

     Spontaneity connects us positively to the form and flow of the present moment. This harmonizes the various energies of the body and mind. It is important to understand that the mind and body are not two. They are one.
     From dead thinking, it revitalizes the body, sharpens the intellect, and awakens the heart. To cultivate spontaneity is to cultivate a sense of interconnectivety between oneself and the world. It is to mingle the individual will with the will of the world, in contrast to erecting a will in opposition to the forces and energies of one's environment. This environment includes one's own body and one's own very nature. it is a reawakening of life in an individual. A reawakening of spirit and self-consciousness.
     Spontaneity appears in sharp contrast to the ever deepening compulsive nature of much of mainstream society across the world. This compulsiveness is a deadening of the human spirit and a weakening of the collective human will. The spirit of spontaneity is alive. It is what makes life, life. It is the creative novel formulation of life in the present moment. It is rejuvenating. It is the ever-rejuvenating spirit of life. Taking the old, right now, always now, and making it anew. This is the way the world is, we just don't recognize it because we are often dead in spirit. Dead thinking, dead doing, and dead being. Sleeping in the mind as we go about our days in our bodies. We are asleep to the spontaneity of life and because of this, the life in our bodies is diminished.
     True spontaneity is the key to the rejuvenation of the self. The re-awakening of spirit and the human spirit in the body. True spontaneity carries within it the spark of life, that when found can not only awaken an individual, but also reinvigorate society and civilization as a whole. True spontaneity is sight, or a glimpse, of the Whole. When properly cultivated, this sight matures into a direct awareness of the Whole through the awakened senses of the body: which include the senses of the mind and the powers of the intellect. I use this awareness or sense of the whole constantly. I use this awareness, or sense, of the whole constantly. I use it to write. I am using it to write right now. It is how we are inspired by and interpret the truth. So it is essential that we maintain this connection as we maintain ourselves and our world. Without it we are lost in darkness.
     Spontaneity is the doorway through which we enter into the room that carries the torch of wisdom, which we use to maintain and enhance the integrity of the world. It is one of the gates to the divine and sublime through which we may pass through in times of darkness to re-awaken the human spirit and to cast aside the dangerous forces of evil. I do not mean evil as in the moralistic duality of evil versus good. I mean evil as that which degenerates consciousness and wisdom. I use the word because it evokes a powerful response within us. A response that will bring the vital importance of what I am saying to bear. It is a matter of life and death: the degree to which we participate in this alchemical transformation, one way or another. The degree to which our species participates is the degree to which we are saved from the debts we have incurred on our planet.
     One Christ will not do, we already have more than one. We need many more. Hundreds of thousands if not more. And the time to awaken is now. We can become angels. The angels of our own salvation. I cannot stress enough the importance of such an undertaking... And I cannot stress enough the importance of the degree to which we transform...
     We must strive to eradicate all pretense and presumption from our minds and hearts. To clearly see the scope in which dogma has invaded our consciousness and our consciences, and to understand how to supplant it. To not only see and understand, but to act and to be increasingly committed to liberation. Of oneself and eventually of all peoples.
     So why spontaneity? Who not write about intuition or God. Like I said before, spontaneity is about intuition and God. Spontaneity is the force in direct opposition to the compulsive and conditioned beast that has overrun our world. It's the opposite and end of dead rigid conventional thinking. It's dead when its totally disconnected from anything meaningful or purposeful. When it feels like your shoveling more dirt onto a coffin that you reside in. The stifling of life's exuberance, the deadening of the heart's passion. The sleeping of consciousnesses and amnesia of being anyone or anything at all. Empty wood and a cold fire. Cities without people in them. Where has the life gone? Out the window of a now empty room.
     I believe the Dalai Lama said that our present times are like a room full of nice objects without anyone in it. He describes here our bodies without spirit, joy, presence, or self. Without being. When we are completely lost in senseless thinking, we lose feeling, we lose touch with reality, our senses, and cease to exist.
     Spontaneity keeps us grounded. It keeps us alive. It allows us to smell, to think and feel. It opes up space where we can be. Where we can explore our feelings. Where we can see the world more clearly. Where we can wonder who we are and why this works the way it does. It keeps us curious and can make us more curious. Maybe to the point of going deeply within ourselves. Perhaps to the point of discovering who we are. Here, and Now. 

Dharma Field

     We live in a field of dharma. Each one of us has a unique dharma position. We each live in a unique set of circumstances with unique feelings and perceptions. Life calls us to act in a specific way according to our own unique setting. This way we act is our dharma position. The dharma is the teaching. It is the way that we learn and the way that we teach others. We teach others by being who we are. Simply through being our unique self. We do this effortlessly, it is not something we have or need to learn. It is the truth that emanates from us as we are now.
     The whole world is full of dharma. Full of truth and wisdom. Dharma that we learn by being who we are. We each have our own unique dharma position. When we learn to see it, we can let go of what we are not and we can be at peace with what we are. We try so hard to be something different than who we are. This is the cause of so much of our suffering. We fight we we are and what is because we are afraid to be with who we are now and what is now. we have pushed ourselves away for so long that who we are takes the form a a terrible demon. Who we are resides in hellfire within ourselves.
     This is within our minds, within our imagination. Who we are is really the best way that we can be. it is the only way we can be. Recognizing this is what frees us from the hells we live in. We think these hells reside within ourselves in a place we must avoid, or in the world in enemies and fears, but they reside in our minds. In our imaginations. We don't quell these fires by changing who we are or by fighting the world, we quell them by being present and still within ourselves. By letting go of our fears and attachments, and looking out at the world with our own eyes.
     It may be our dharma to be lost or to be found, to be free, or to be full of hate. It is these things that show us who we are. We learn through our unique dharma and we learn through the unique dharma of the world. Out of the limited nature of the world, out of it's limited wisdom do we discover truth. out of darkness comes Light. Out of confusion, understanding. What we do and what we don't know live in perfect balance. This balance is the reality of being human. We are ignorant, we are are limited. Through this we find ourselves.
     We find ourselves through our unique dharma position. We do not find ourselves by transcending it or overcoming it. We find truth through our limitations. The truth is who we are now and what is now. Not who we will be tomorrow or who we were yesterday. Who we are now with all our limitations and setbacks. Who we are now is the way to peace. Who we are now is the way to liberation. And is through ourselves, our unique dharma, not against or in transcending ourselves that we find this peace.
     We live in a field of dharma. We live in a field of truth, not only in words and ideas, but of living things. Birds, trees, rock and stone. Mountains, flowers, insects, animals. All resonating in and emanating dharma. We are apart of this truth. We live in this field of dharma. We are not separate from it. Our bodies are composed of the same elements as the soil and the Earth. We are not separate from it. We are and extension of it. We rise from the soil and we return to the soil, like all life on this planet. We are born from it, from our mothers, who are the Earth giving birth to us who are the Earth. In our confusion we destroy and maim it. In our wisdom we bend down and embrace it. It is our very body, our very life. We celebrate our home with all its natural wonders. Sparkling waters, green grasses, and craggy mountains. Food for our spirit. In this wisdom we seek balance with life, we seek harmony with each other. Our dharma becomes the dharma of love and compassion.
     Much of the dharma in the world today is the dharma of confusion and madness. It is hard to resist it, to not compulsively follow a path or paths of confusion and madness. This is the world screaming at its disconnect from the Earth. From the natural wisdom of our bodies which are ignored and abused. We thing we need to do all these special things to our bodies when we really just need to listen to them. Hear what they have to say, what they want to do. The more we listen to them, the less they'll want to fight. Te more they'll want to be in harmony with the natural world, with each other. The less they'll want to poison themselves or others with substances and words. The more they'll want to be at rest, in awareness of the natural world unfolding around them. the more they'll be at peace being at rest with the natural world.
     The dharma tells us what to do in each moment. It is intelligence. The deeper our dharma, the wiser we are. The more wholesome we are. The more we see things as they are and the less we are attached to the ideas in our minds. The deepest dharma is seeing that all intelligence is of the same intelligence. This intelligence is the dharma. All awareness is of the same awareness. All awarenesses are seamlessly connected. They are all unbroken awareness. Just awareness. No self, just dharma. Unbroken dharma. When you see this truth, you see that everything is dharma. Trees, plants, rocks, even buildings and cellphones. Lol. All dharma, all awareness, all truth. This is why I say we live in a field of dharma. Everything around us, right now, is apart of this dharmic field. These are all forms in the field of dharma. These forms are the dharma field. They compose the dharma field altogether all at once, right now. right now. Here and now. This is it. This. Dharma. Now.
     It surrounds us and fills us. It is who we are, looking out at ourself. It is everything about us. This is the deepest truth. This is the end and the beginning of our intelligence. The end and beginning of ourself. The more we see this, the less we resist who we are. The less we fight what is. The more we see this, the more harmony we find in our lives. The more we feel connected to the Earth, and the more we feel connected to each other. We are of one consciousness, one self, one body of awareness.
     In at least Tibetan and Zen Buddhism this is called one taste. I think I can say that Genpo Roshi, an apparent Zen Master, would call this Big Mind or Big Heart. You might know it as God or Cosmic Consciousness, Universal Consciousness, Universal Self, Self with a capital s. It's basically the boundless experience of reality as it is now. This is the "underlying" reality of our everyday experience. I use quotations because it is not in actuality underlying, it just appears to underlie ordinary consciousness in the feelings and perceptions of people who are wholly immersed in identification with form. God is not a distant father separate from us. God is us. God is the ordinary state.
     We often, if not always, think that and feel like we are separate. This is what I mean when I say that One taste or Big Mind appears to underlie ordinary consciousness. We feel separate because of our immersion in attachment to forms. This Big Mind, this unbroken consciousness, this seamless field of dharma appears to lie under or within our everyday perception of a universe full of separate forms because we discover the non-separateness of the world (this perception of separate forms) by looking within ourselves (our separate self perception). It may appear that this non-separate universe (God or an unbroken field of consciousness) is other than the (perceived) universe of separate forms because when we first find it, we still are very immersed in the perception of separate forms. We believe that both God (undividedness) and a universe of separate forms exist simultaneously and that both are real. I would say that only the undividedness is real and that the perception of separateness is a real subjective but temporary and illusory experience. God appears to rise from within our minds or within our hearts. The only way this perception can develop is from within the perception of a universe of separate forms because, at the time all we experience is a universe of separate forms. Wherever we may find God, outside of ourself or within ourself , God is arising out of separateness fully surrounded by separateness, hence God arising from within separateness. The outer world is a world of separate forms and our subjective inner world is the world of a separate feeling subjective self. Wherever God comes from, it comes from within (separateness) and appears to be distinct from separateness because initially when we discover God we are still under the sway of thinking that we are separate and life is full of separate things. God is undividedness and we feel separate so we couldn't possibly be God. And God appears to underlie ordinary consciousness because when we first see it, it is born in a field of our separate feeling imagination where we know that it is undivided, but still believe,feel, and perceive that we are separate. This is an illusion, because in reality God is not other than separateness. Undividedness and separateness are not separate, they are the same. So God does not underlie or come from within ordinary consciousness, God is ordinary consciousness. Until we realize that our very selves, even in our separate feeling perception and limited nature, are undivided from everything else, we will imagine God and perfection to be something other than who we are right now and we will chase ourselves all over the universe looking for the person who is doing the chasing.
     Anyhoo, the deepest dharma is the dharma of no dharma. No dharma because all there is, is dharma. There's just this, no teaching because we are the teaching. We are the field. We are the dharma. We have nothing to learn because we are the field and we already are the teaching, we already have learned. We have already attained hishiryo consciousness, we already are the highest and deepest dharma. We already are one with God, One with the Universe.
     This is why we don't need to change. Why the way is not out, but in. Not who we can be, but in becoming who we are. Not needing to end all of our limitations, but to fully embrace them. To fully embrace who we are right now. This is why Yoda tells Luke, "Your still looking to the horizon." "Your still not right here, right now." Luke is trying to change the world. He's resisting and fighting who is is. He's not listening to his body, he's warring with it. He's holding onto his anxiety and fear, he's not letting go. And when he finally does, he saves his friends and becomes one with the Universe.

In the field we are one with the force, and the force is one with us.

Journal Entry # 13

     I want to start building energy more intentionally. I want to be more on top of the different dimensions of my life. I want to think more about what kind of energy I want to have. Probably even what kind of life i want to have. What am I wishing my life were like? What do I want that I don't think I can get? I guess I want a smart pencil to make a digital copy of everything I write. Once I identify what I want and don't have I can start taking steps to getting it.
     I think the main thing I want is energy stability. My energy regularly feels really weird. I think it feels even more weird now because of corona and not exercising for so long. I think the more on top of my life I am, the less stressed I'll be. I'll be able to be proactive and put myself in a much better position. This is super exciting. I can eliminate a lot of the aspects of my life that are unsettling by being thoughtful and taking appropriate action.
     I think physical exercise will greatly improve my energy flow. I wonder if I can take charge of my energy direction? I feel sort of sick right now. My head feels wonky and my chest/heart have been acting strange for the last week and a half. The main thing I want is to get into/deepen positive energy flow. I feel a bit lost right now. A bit under. I want to be sharp and clear headed. I want to feel calm and grounded. I want to feel cooler. I feel like a part of me runs too hot a lot of the time. I want to feel like I'm in control of my life. Like I can go with the flow of my energy. I want to get out of this rocky zone. I want to stay calm and cool. I feel better now.
What made me feel better was not exercise or planning. My mind and body calmed down and I realized that I was fine as I was. Gee Gats! I think too much planning can actually be the problem. A lack of being. Too much thinking that this is what I need, this is supposed to make me feel this way. When we get attached to set ideas about the way things are, we remain fixed in our position, we can't fit into the natural flow of things and our body goes out of wack. The answer is not getting so stuck on things. Something like this...I feel more like Winnie the Pooh now, just bumbling around, not really tied to anything...except honey!

Journal Entry #12 Climate change, social action, and personal power

     Another day in the life of Corona at home in the Vale. It's been sunny for a week. I'm sitting on the deck listening to John Prine. Let's see if I can get through another chunk of brain chi. I started writing on paper yesterday with a pencil instead of typing directly onto blogger. I think it's easier to flow. I've written so much on paper during my life. I like seeing my personality in my script. It's familiar and refreshing considering how long it's been since I've written this much by hand. I used a notepad yesterday during the day and this notebook last night. Feels really good. Feels magical. Me like.
     I hope it rains soon and I hope when it rains it rains a decent amount. Last Spring was really dry. But, I guess I can't expect it to be as wet as it used to be. It's supposed to get drier year round in the Puget Sound due to climate change. I just read on the EPA website that temperatures have risen by 1.3 degrees F over the last century in Northwestern US and are expected to rise by 3 to 10 degrees F by the end of this century. The greatest temperature increases are expected during the summer. We really got to do something about this. We need to change the way we are living and take legislative action. We need to make personal, social, economic, and infrastructure changes to adapt to climate change: to ensure the sustainability of our way of life and the maintain the integrity of the natural world.
     As far as I'm concerned, the world is bleak and gray if we lose the green on Earth by continuing on our path of ravenous consumption and destruction of the natural world. I don't know if we can be human without it. We just can't go on living the way we are, thoughtless about what we are consuming. If we have thoughts about being more mindful about our consumption they are fleeting. The river of our focus is burning down the world. We need a complete overhaul of the way we use resources. Reuse, recycle, reuse.
     We need to build things to be as near completely reusable as possible with the least amount of waste created in the entire process of production, recycling, and re-purposing. This transformation in manufacturing will only come about with a change in heart of the people. For this to happen, I think we're going to have to see a government and and economy that are both more geared to take care of the people. We need a certain level of social and political unity to achieve this resource use change. People have to be taken care of so we can focus on the environment. As long as we are at each other's throats in a rat race, we won't be able to see that we need the land to survive and be well.
     Business will need to become more socially and environmentally oriented. I think a lot of this new orientation will be the result of state mandates and social pressure. Businesses  also naturally mirror the current social climate. They won't be able to compete unless they become more sustainable and fair. People won't support them otherwise. I think this reveals that social consciousness is the most influencing factor driving our economic response to climate change. Our demands shape business and economy. If we have overwhelmingly green demands, the economy will shift. The government will shift and we will be able to put even more pressure on business to be sustainable. Society, government and business all influence each other. The people exert their influence over government and business through purchasing power and democratic participation.
     Individuals are the driving force of social consciousness. It's on each of us to be environmentally and socially conscious to affect the momentum of social consciousness we need to effectively deal with climate change. This is where I think many liberals fail. We talk green and frankly don't do much of anything about it. We still eat meat and we still buy cheap products from the worst of businesses. All for our personal security. I'm speaking generally. I think we're overly concerned with our personal finances and not enough concerned with the long-term consequences of being so selfish. I think this applies more to well to do liberals.
     We buy too much into this corporate driven "security complex" bologna (balony!). It's their way of keeping us from focusing on the pertinent realities that will put them out of business, or at least cut into there profits. They're doing their best to run the show by creating and controlling economic demand through advertisement, basically brainwashing us, and lobbying to create laws that best help big business and not the average person. They want to use us to make money. The best way they can do this is by convincing us that we need their garbage and by getting the government to create a system that makes us slaves. Where the only way we can survive and have enough security is to be in long-term debt to the economic system. The very system that is destroying the biosphere on the planet. They do their best to make sure there's only 1 way to make money. To go through them. To go through the bureaucracy and the insurers. Things could be way more affordable and we could be much more well off. It's up to the individual to make choices that reflect their highest consciousness if at all possible, or the highest good they can do, if we want this. If we want social, environmental and political change, we have to get involved.
     We have to support green business in our communities. We have to purchase sustainable products. We have to find a balance between personal security and social security. Are we going to school just to make big bucks? Can we find a balance between financial security and social/environmental responsibility? If we don't, we lose power and security in the long-term. We remain apart of a growing problem and we say, "I was afraid and selfish" to our children and grandkids. "I didn't have the strength to listen to my conscience". We have to choose to rise above the fear and anxiety we're drenched in on a daily basis by the fear and security economy. It is not sense to buy into it, it is madness. It is panic and hysteria. It's negligence, not responsibility. It destroys families and communities, it does not support them.
     Now is the time to focus on the integrity of our communities through the protection of our health, our land, and our unalienable rights. This is the only way to ensure our personal security. The security we buy on tv is the desecration of all we hold dear. It is the fragmentation and destruction of our communities and culture. We cannot survive alone.
     We need to join or begin political, social and environmental groups that clearly advocate for the betterment of life on Earth. We need to organize and communicate like we have never done before. The time is now. The longer we wait the worse it will be. We need to turn off complacency by turning on feeling and critical thinking. What is really good for us, the people? Hate and fear? or conscientiousness and cooperation? this isn't black and white, us versus them. This is an incredibly complicated globalized system with people of a multitude of backgrounds, beliefs, and perspectives. All are important to deal with the challenges of today and tomorrow. All are important because we are all here together now and we cannot all get along unless everyone is included and everyone is heard. We need the different intelligence and perspective of each individual to come up with the solutions we need. We can't deal with climate change unless we have a strong global effort.
     Every law and every rule and every custom that we follow was invented by a human being. Big business or government or tradition all boil down to human beings making human choices. We create this world. Us, human beings. Every single one of us. We each individually have the power to change the world, to create the law of the land. We do this with the choices we make every moment of our lives. We can choose to make the world a better place. We can choose to rise to the occasion. We can choose to grapple with our fears and the darkness of our minds, and arrive at Light and Truth. We can choose Love and Liberty. We can choose the emancipation of the human race.

Journal Entry #11

     Lovely little lights of my space heater. I think my face is taking on more definition again. It seemed like for the longest time I had lost the expression that had taken my whole life to develop. Like the confusion in my mind, the scrambled sense of self, appeared on my face. I think this is true, the face is an expression or reflection of our inner world. My life was scrambled so my face like like tv static.
     I feel strange, like coming out of a coma. like returning from a long trip. So much of me wants things to be like they used to be. I don't know if this is possible, or if it's a good thing. I also feel this intense pressure in my body and mind pushing out. Trying to become something. It's exciting, but also disturbing. Disturbing because it's so foreign. I don't understand what the energy is or what it will do to me. it can put me in a semi-trance. And it kind of unfolds within me through a trance like state. I've spent the last 7 years just flying by the seat of my pants. Winging it. Fun, but risky. I'd like to get a better grip on this. Take less chances if I can. I want to be smarter and safer. I've got a lot of really deep and powerful energy coming through me. It scares me, but I also feel really confident that I'll figure it out. At least I think I am confident. Lol. I'm such a ditz. Happy Go Lucky. I just turn off thinking and go lolly-gagging wherever the wind blows, laughing like an idiot. Lol.
     I wonder if I'll ever get a good grip on it. I got a lot of energy to process. And the process of processing it is going to unleash more energy that I don't see now. It's gonna push the ball in a different direction. This is what has been difficult about this experience. Not a straight line, more like a tangled ball of yarn or a maize. One thing learned reveals something new that throws you off course and you've got to reorient yourself again. I haven't been able to get the kind of foothold I want in any of the areas I've been working. I'm close though. I feel like if I get a foothold a lot of things will fall into place and things could get a lot easier. I have a lot of skill and understanding that's only accessible if I have a certain amount of emotional energy or will power. It's like emotional energy has been my limiting growth factor. Like the Roman's whose empire collapsed partially because they were spread out too thin. Far superior in so many ways, but not enough energy to go around to keep their empire together.
     I guess I have found a foothold. Or several. They just come and go with different types of consciousness. I've discovered some truly strong places in y being that I can and have been building on. the flow of my life demands that I leave work before I do as much as I'd like to go take on another seemingly unconnected project. I don't have the strength of attention or the understanding/ability to properly do what needs doing to maintain the level of functioning I desire so I have to settle for less to keep the ball rolling. I learn what I can when I can. Sometimes I learn more, sometimes less. Sometimes I do a better job, sometimes it's not that great.
     One good thing to come of this is it sort of killed the bad side of my perfectionism. Not entirely, but a lot of the stress and anxiety surrounding it has gone away. Much more rough cut, get her done mentality. "Does it work?" "Yes". "Is it good enough?" "Yes". I know  I'll get better and I have a much better sense of what needs doing now and what doesn't. So I guess it's killed a lot of my apprehensiveness. I'm much more present oriented now. I've had to be to survive and adapt.
     It's actually a blessing, its killed so much of the b.s. in my thinking mind. A ton of the conditioning out the window, into the furnace. Things are way more cut and dry, I feel freer and lighter, like I lost a lot of weight. What I do largely makes me happy now. It didn't before. I know how to do things now. I know how to learn, I know how to learn how to do things right. I know that I can learn how to do anything. I have this connection to the Whole that is so genuine, like I know what needs doing and I know id I did or didn't do it right. It's so much more easy to see this now.
     I feel like I know how to engage people and the world now. not that I always do it right. I'm often pretty terrible at it. But, I'm learning what it looks like to do it right. Before I had no idea . That's not entirely true, but it felt like that a lot. In a way I sort of got what I wanted. It cost a lot. Way more than I imagined, but I'm getting it. It might be worth it. Lol..I don't know if I had a choice. Or if this was something I chose before I was born.
     There are so many doors open to me now. That lead to so many places I'm dying to go. Things that are possible only in fairy tales and science fiction. Things I can do. I could go all the way. It's what I want to do. To fully merge with God. It sounds silly. Even like a waste of time. Part of me definitely wants to. A lot of me thinks it's real. Even if I am already totally one with god. I don't experience this. I think there are things to do to make this happen. This may be lingering delusion, it may be a real path I take. They may both be true.
     I just want to make more sense of this. Find what is right for me to do. I know I'm close. I think I'm on it with this intensive writing thing. Anyhoo, done for now, peace out guys, stay safe stay sweet!
                                                                                                                        -Alec
 

Journal Entry # 10 Energy fields, molds, manifesting and suppressed consciousness, developing intellect, and preparing for great changes of our times

     The Point, the aggressive point. The grip balanced with the space and the feel. 

     I fall into the idle states, I feel under a field of energy. My self feels suppressed to various degrees by the weight of this field. I wish to merge my consciousness with it, but I cannot. It is too large to swallow. Instead, I do my best to hold it up. To eat it piece by piece. I want to rise above these fields. To not be suffocated by them. To use them as ammunition for creation. I want them to be more active. I want to be more active in them.
     It doesn't feel good for my body to be so stagnant. It wants to flow. It wants to fire. It wants to make something of all this caught upness. To turn it into a complete form. To flush it out. To make David out of marble. To make the Earth out of stardust. It wants to be activated. It wants to be born. It has a purpose. It is intended to be something. I don't know what to call this transformation. It is the same as making art using tools, materials, skill and creativity. My own thoughts lack the very definition I attempt to communicate. It's like, there are things I want to do. things that are the fulfillment of my life. These things are made of the energies surrounding and pouring into my being. They are inspiring. And I won't find peace until they are made into what they are made to be and I become who I am meant to be.
     There are clear, specific molds that we grow into. We fill out these molds. There are very specific molds of being human. We find fulfillment by filling them out. We seek to fill them through action. We suffer when we do not fill the molds that have captivated our hearts. One of these molds is the mold of making progress towards the full-fillment of other molds. We not only fill these molds with the work of our hands, bodies and mouths (changing our physical and social environments), we fill these molds with our thoughts and the focus of our consciousness or self.
     Our conscious will is constantly filling these molds with the subtle energy that is our growing intelligence and presence. We pull our desires and dreams into existence through creating them subtly in our minds and hearts. We so perfectly fill the molds in our imagination that we actually create the new form on Earth. We assume there is a separation between our consciousness and our physical environments, but their is not. As we fill the molds psychically we are literally creating the form that the mold encases on Earth. We are subtly manipulating the Earth with our mindhearts.
     We assume consciousness is a separate realty from the hard reality of the Earth, when the Earth is as much made of mind as consciousness is. If we consider thoughts subtle energy, then the Earth is also the same subtle energy. It can and is manipulated the same way our thoughts and feelings are manipulated. If our inner world is a play of light and shadow, then our outer world is also a play of light and shadow. Even more radical and equally as true is that our self, our being and the plane of our imagination doesn't simply lie somewhere in here, a pocket of subjective inner space, it also lies out there in the world. The plane of our mind is the plane of the world, the Earth. All its forms and all of us. There is no boundary to any mind. There is varying strengths of creative altering will, but all minds affect all things. All minds are all things.
     The molds I wish to fill are based on my unique position in the cosmos. My unique vision of what I believe is important to create. What is meaningful to me. These molds will give me life because they are my life. At least my life anticipated through time. My wellbeing is tied to things I want to become. The flow of my energy is tied to things I am not yet or may never be. I am waiting to use my energy for them. I am devoting my attention to bringing them into being. To such an extent that I suffer in the present. I give so much energy to these molds/visions/dreams that I do not have enough energy to sustain what I imagine to be health and wellbeing right now. So much that my consciousness is submerged by the weight of these dreams. My self is pushed under the surface below a conscious level. My feelings are crushed and the lack of intelligent harmony in my body makes my brain feel like it is being crushed due to the imbalance of chemicals/energies in my brain. (this is a moderate to light pain/feeling and is typical and chronic in daily human experience) The lack of proper flow in my body leads to a dullness/inactivity of the senses and s stagnation which leads to a weakening of the immune system and the health of my entire body.
     I feel like I can't dream big enough to get myself out of this. My creative will is sucked into these molds now cosmic in size. The way out is to become smarter. To become smart enough to wield these energies intelligently, skillfully, and morally. I can wield them for chaos, but I wait to wield them for love and order. At least a healthy balance of love, order and chaos. I think I wish most to be conscious of myself (these energies and the world). Simply to be clear headed and composed. Then at least I can consciously know that it is best to wait and meditate. Then I won't leave part of myself in resistance to these colossal forces. Essentially to be more wholly myself, to be more efficient and to suffer much less because of this. This is partly why I write. To gain intellect I vitally need. To compose all of these energies into intelligent awareness would be an awesome feat. One that I am glad to undertake. I am excited to reap the benefits of such an extensive and powerful intelligence. It will simply be joyful to orchestrate such thoughts when I have gained a better foothold on my mind. Such awesome penetration into the nature of reality and it's subtleties. Such liberation from wisdom. Such levity of perspective and being. It is a joy.
     I wield the sword within myself and rise in stature through the vigorous exercise of contemplation. To sit and think and write and change the world by reading the book that is my open mind. Open and filled with the fruit of understanding. To look out at the world from within myself becoming more enlightened. Connecting vast seas of though and information into enlivening synthesis. To uncover the dancing forces within the world with the light of my own imagination. To cut through the coils that have entangled my being for so long and find sweet solace on a plateau of illuminating thought which steadily increases security through healthy self-awareness and liberating understanding. Freeing the self from bitter engagements through a regular deepening of wisdom interpersonally, financially and personally/energetically. The sword properly wielded as a tool of liberating intellect. Such a joy :). I love thinking like this.
     We have so many looming problems that require a great deal of thought. We have to figure out how to deal with the effects of climate change and globalization. The effects of technology on social and individual wellbeing. Morality and ethics postdogma. How do we most intelligently allocate our resources? How do we most effectively pursue an infrastructure and economic shift to green technology and green energy production? These are the kinds of things we need to focus on to avoid catastrophes. How do we implement solutions politically/socially? So much thought! So exciting. The people that come up with the most effective solutions will change the face of the Earth.
     It's also just exciting to be apart of all of the change that is happening and will happen. We can recreate the way we do things. We can do things in any way we want. This is the power we are uncovering in our omni-dimensional exponential growth in intelligence. We have the power to be a liberated people. It may be a power we haven't had in millennia. This power can easily destroy us if don't take the necessary precautions.
     I want to start a coalition of intelligent thinkers to formulate an integral plan to deal with the changes of our times: to plan sustainably for the future. It would focus on the personal, local, state, national, and international dimensions of sustainable change and include plans to deal with the interdependent nature of these dimensions. It would focus on all of the things we need to have and to develop to establish harmony on all of these different dimensions simultaneously. It would include plans to deal with the general consciousness that one may encounter at any of these levels and how to appropriately engage to affect the greatest sustainable change. The overarching mission being Peace on Earth through the liberation of all people. Liberation personally, interpersonally, financially, politically, spiritually. The drive of this plan is "We Are" consciousness. I have already mocked up these basics with a few more details in my post called Plan for spreading "We Are" consciousness. There is so much more detail to be added!
     This plan is already in existence in the goodwill of humankind. We already know this plan in our hearts. This plan is not suppressive of religion, race, creed, or any way that we are. It simply wishes to nurture love and intelligent design. This plan aims to foster goodwill among all people and across all peoples. It's intuitive as much if not more than it is thought out. The thought out plans are always subject to the sense of the present moment. In its fruition, its not a plan of concrete ideologies. Though these maybe temporarily implemented where they are appropriate. It's a plan, when fully known, that is inspired by a spirit of Universal Love and Wisdom. I'm so excited...

Journal Entry #9 My awakening part 2

(continued from Journal Entry #8)

That was more than 7 years ago...

     Now I am returning to myself, becoming conscious of my individual nature again. Resurfacing in a new world. Or at least what feels like a new world. It's probably the same old world I left. It's literally felt like eons. I have been away for eons. I have been across space, out of this world. I did most of this unconsciously or semi-consciously. It was as if the background we normally feel of our daily experience fell way and was replaced by the subtle atmosphere of alien planets. In a way this was exactly what was happening. My soul had left planet Earth and was journeying across space and perhaps time to God. The Celestial Sun in the center of the innerverse, the onlyverse. I don't think most people have the faintest idea of what this is like, even if they are spiritual seekers. This happened to me two years after I began seeking God. Two years after I had been awakened to the world of what I am going to call trans-dogmatic spirituality. I guess you could say two years after I had been awakened to the spiritual and holistic nature of the universe. And at the age of 19, when I was just stepping into adulthood. What an intense time to wake up.
     God, it all happened so fast. I was an atheist from like 14-16 and then BOOM! Spirit, God, holistic science. Just poured out of my mind, out of the world into my waking consciousness. Irrecoverably changing me, changing my mind, changing my consciousness and reality. Changing my world. It brought me out of despair, social isolation, many fears, and into myself. Way more into my own ideas; my own power; and, maybe most worth mentioning, my feelings. I came out of the despair and gloom that surrounded my existentialist consciousness into a world of incredible possibility. I came into my own power in a world where I was beginning to feel the limitlessness of potential. It came on very strong and gave me charisma and confidence socially. Everything began to fall into the scope of experimentation and improvisation. Creativity and play. The rules were rules and I was beginning to see through everything. I still felt very lonely and lost frequently. This was one of my main drives: to uncover the root and mystery of my loneliness. My feeling of being severely disconnected from my heart, from something real. It was a surge of power, creativity and insight. A rise of a truth unknown to any part of my mind. It wasn't a Christian righteousness of morality, or as simple as the success that I previously desired. It was a birth of something brand new and totally unexpected. I never thought that a human being could be as much as I realized then. That not only was their a God, but somehow we were one with that. I only understood this conceptually and intuitively at the time, but still. What a revelation?? And more so that the boundaries of our physical and mental abilities were perhaps non-existent. Ridiculous! But, in an uncanny way, the truth. Such a dare to believe scenario, except the rational behind it became so clear in the maturation of my intuition. Such a strong feeling of yes, this is real. And such a natural, obvious truth it began to be. More of, of course this is how it is. This is the only way life as we know it makes sense. The way people do things is what really is ridiculous.
     I don't know exactly why or how, but myself, and several of my friends came into this power and transformation. This is the power of holistic spirituality. Not only the revelation of their being a spiritual universe, but of a realization that the limitlessness of this universe, of God, also applies to our very selves. This is not localized to myself and a few of my friends. It has been happening since before the Buddha. It is ancient. And perhaps it used to be the normal. Now though, it is happening to more of us in an exponential way. It is spreading, though still in a small minority, throughout humanity across all divides. The fact that it is still so uncommon or unspoken of is part of the reason this awakening was so unexpected and shocking in my life. It came out of the blue. And this was just the beginning.
     Although this awakening happens to many people, much more than you might think, it still happened to me much stronger than it does most. It was, is, and has been like constantly chugging water. Except the water is the water of consciousness. You can barely keep it down, keep up with it, and it doesn't stop coming. This is sort of my personal style, so I have enjoyed it thoroughly. Yet it also has been incredibly overbearing and terrible. It has been like becoming the wind. It's wonderful to be the wind, yet the wind moves as it will. Sometimes gently, and sometimes in battering unrelenting gusts. This has been the everyday reality of this experience. Not that it's totally out of my control, just that this awakening put me on new soil that was and still is, in many ways, foreign. It's like going out to see on an old sailing ship, you can't count on the stability of the ground beneath you, your at the mercy of the sea. We are already at the mercy of the forces of nature, but when you venture into the great beyond, it's like ditching the ship altogether.
     And this is what the last seven years have been like, since I've been 19. Me and the raw powers of the cosmos moving towards some destination in devastating clockwork fashion. This is what life is like for everyone, but most people don't experience it without the veils and protections of their beliefs and imaginations. To see it outside of typical human filters is both awesome and terrifying. True perfection, cold and lifeless perfection of the unfolding of the universe. An aspect of freedom and God that escapes our anthropomorphic imaginations. The raw powers of life. Utterly unaffected by our personal hopes and wishes. At least this is how it felt at the time to my naked psyche, which felt for the first time the awesome powers that truly commanded the order of the universe. I saw myself, my beliefs and perceptions in contrast and in the frame of this impersonal titan. I felt incredibly fragile. I saw the paper thin nature of who I believed I was and that I was totally powerless to influence the naked flow of the cosmos. It was the cold titan, and I was the eggshell of a dream. A shell that had cracked so that I could see out into reality as it is for the first time.
     This happened in a single instant at the end of my first year at college. I literally entered a new world. I was born onto a new level in that moment, my life was irrecoverably changed. I became a different person. I was no longer contained in human consciousness. I still had an ego and a personality, I was somebody, but the ceiling that nearly all of us live in was shattered. My ego wasn't shattered, it was just permanently cracked. And I could see through the cracks. I was through the cracks. And it wasn't me who went through the cracks, I became space. I became the beyond. The beyond didn't stop at the ceiling. It went through the cracks into my mind and I went out of the cracks into the beyond. Before I said that it wasn't me who went through the cracks, because I didn't go out there personally, I ended at the cracks, and now there was consciousness of the beyond. I say that I went out of the cracks into the beyond, because now what I called "I" was now what was out there. That was now in here. What I thought was "I" was a dream. The shunned outside was what was real. It was what or who I was, if there was even anything to be. At the time I didn't know. There was just this beyond, totally metapersonal, totally beyond what I previously experienced as my individuality, my personal being.
     We think we are going to some paradise. And yet this is what I found...I do not think I can describe how alien it felt, how alien the truth was, how incredibly deluded we are. We are like paper charging at scissors, dancing with razors. This is the level of security of the ego. It cannot survive. It is doomed to fail. Doomed to die. Doomed to violence. We experience as ourselves, so it feels like we are dying. It felt like I had been pulverized in the jaws of some behemoth. Yet this behemoth was the naked behemoth of infantile cosmic consciousness. I was the egoless spinnings and twirlings of the universe, I had enough of an ego to experience it as such a cold and in a way terrifying thing. Not enough of a sense of it to feel it as myself. It remained a foreign looming thing in the back of my mind that I knew now was my entire mind. I was no longer completely trapped in the confines of any shade of egoic consciousness. It felt like though I still possessed an ego, it was dead. I think I felt dead as well. I was no longer myself. There was the beyond and the lingering remains of my old self, tethered to my being with failing karma. Like a spaceship shot completely through with a laser. Through the engine, now lifeless floating through space, lifeless, yet still floating through space.
     This is how I felt, lifeless yet still inhabiting a body. The laser was my soul shooting out of my body. The body, now without a pilot, moved at the whim of cosmic currents. I now was one with the movement of the behemoth. I saw now that it carried me, I did not carry myself. In a way I never carried myself, we never carry ourselves, we are the mindless unfolding of completely impersonal forces that we confuse and identity as "ourselves" I was the beyond perfect movement of colossal cosmic forces, cosmic seas: nameless, yet all encompassing stirring in the background that was now the foreground of my experience. What at the time didn't feel like my experience, it simply felt like experiencing. It didn't feel like anyone was there experiencing what was going on, there was just stuff happening. I think I still felt like someone, I just didn't know how to fit into my new shoes yet. I had a new body, new clothes. I felt muted, yet I think I still was.
     My main concern and most of my focus was on letting this behemoth unravel by clearing out the debris of my old self. Getting rid of the corpse. What a strange experience. Still alive on Earth, trying to die. Yet trying to die in a new world, a new void, to become something new. Lol. How strange I felt. My agenda entirely different and unknown, incomprehensible to all those around me. Myself, hastily making preparations ending the life that I had had up to that point. Lol. Preparing to die to go on an alien voyage into the seething unknown. I was so incredibly alone, with new walls around me, walls of the behemoth, of the titan, closing in. I knew I was dying, I was trying to find a good place to die, I didn't want to go to hell. And I don't mean the kind of hell people believe in, I mean the kind of hell living people live in. Where you go when you lose control and everything falls apart...
   
 

Journal Entry #8 Worrying, relaxing, the individual, letting go of my self, My awakening part 1

     I find myself disoriented a lot. I guess you could say their is a lot of disorder and chaos. What I notice almost everyday is that when this happens I try to force things. I think I am anxious and afraid in these situations and these feelings cause me to take such action. I get worried about the particular aspects of life and feel strongly that I need to do something to take care of them. I get upset at myself because in these moments I perceive that I am not doing enough to take care of these aspects, to take care of myself. I then find myself not giving into these pressures (worries and fears) and instead just sitting with them, trying to relax because I feel like they are off, like somehow they aren't quite right. Like their's a better way. This is a painful and stressful tug of war, but eventually, nearly every day, I sort of take some deep breaths and just relax. It's sort of like letting go. Those worries don't seem as important. I feel like I can probably take care of them, or they aren't really concerns anymore. It feels like the better way is just to calm down and be here. Something like this. Then something usually pops into my mind and I end up doing it. Like writing this blog. Like 10 minutes ago I was feeling pretty disoriented on the couch. I don't feel so disoriented now. I don't feel super concerned about anything. Just a little tired. I wonder how much I really care about. How much is just anxiety. I wonder how important my reoccurring desires are. How much is just being dreamy and sort of living in fantasies. I think I am a little afraid to find the answer to these questions. I'm a bit afraid of the void that lies under what may be their irrelevance. I wonder again how much I care about the things I often think about. I guess what I'll do is shut down these worrying, anxious habits. Or maybe I won't even do this. I guess it probably doesn't matter either. They'll probably slowly fizzle out anyway.
     I guess I still feel disoriented and I would like to get it straightened out. I'm not sure quite how to do it. Their are things I want to work out. I just want to do it the right way. Or else, I won't do it at all. I just keep disorienting myself. Ugg. Like I think I can straighten out my life. I've actually had some serious success, I think in some ways a lot more than most people. But, their are still some tangles that hurt my heart a lot. Hurt a lot in general. And scare me. And their are things I do want to do, I am just afraid of going for them because the ways I've been doing it have been a pain in the rear end and have left me feeling defeated and apathetic. I'm tired of doing it the ways I have been doing it and can't quite seem to shake off. I'm learning how, but learning with a blind fold on, having to feel my way in the dark. Tired of stumbling and stubbing my toes, jamming my fingers. Hitting my head. Ow! I feel like a fool, but there hasn't been much I can do. Or at least it hasn't felt like there's been a lot I could've done. I'm starting to feel like I can do things. I can figure it out. Still pretty blind though. Maybe I can work out a new strategy. I think the key is staying calm. When I get agitated I can't see what needs to be done and I focus on things that don't help. Learn how to remain centered, remain calm, remain aware and awake. Learn how to stay focused on things that are helpful. Create positive habits. Ya, this sounds good. I think I want to do a lot of things differently. Can do a lot of things differently. I think I do want to take care of my health. Through exercise and diet. And I do want to start doing a lot of things to improve my life. This seems like being in the light, when I have been in the dark. Not that it has been entirely terrible, it hasn't been. More like lack of presence in the mind. Lack of being. I think I am someone, and I want to be that person. I know this isn't everything, but I think it's the right way to go.
     It's so weird going what feels like in and out of consciousness or presence. Seeing the world one way, and then the next moment it's entirely flipped. This is disorienting..difficult..where I am lol. When I am in the dark, I am not anyone to care. When I am in the light, I want so much, I want to be so much. It's amazing. Hard to tell what is real, what's important, what I should/shouldn't do. Lol part of me finds this whole process extremely funny. When I'm disturbed and confused I forget all about this part and then it returns in  self-amused chuckles. I think the key may be to be better organized. To have a nice space for the dark to be in the dark, and a nice space for the light to be in the light. A good balance. Intelligent organization or something. Not to get rid of one or the other, but to know when it is appropriate or best to let each take what is their own and to let them do it. Sort of like recognizing how life is and getting out of the way of it as it does what it does best when left alone. Let sleeping dogs lie. I think so much of life is like this. We think we need to do things and we over-complicate things. Often we can simply let things be as they are. Then we are free to relax and enjoy life as it passes by, instead of struggling with something that doesn't need our attention and making a hell of a mess. I don't think we know how to just let things be. We tend to be so anxious that we make a mess out of nearly everything. So much of this world feels so messy. Gross. I just want to do things right.
     I feel like so much of what we do isn't done right. This bothers me. I wish people could clearly see what needs to be done and do it. I am definitely talking about perfection. Perfect love and so on. It's more than this though. It's seeing things as they are. It's the tension surrounding egotism. And the meanness of it. It just hurts. If people could see, they we wouldn't have to be so hurt all of the time. And we could just party.  This is what I want to focus on. Celebrating life, and sharing this celebration with others. I don't really want to be egotistical at all, but I am. And like I've said before their is nothing wrong with the ego. It is just another form to contend with in this world. And it is no different than anything else. No better or no worse. This doesn't mean we let it run rampant. It means that we don't need to snuff it out all at once or at all.
     I have been wondering if I am somebody or if all of this is an illusion. Whether or not I am eternal, I think that I am somebody now. I am now. I do have feelings and a sense of self. I am somebody. I don't think I am separate from anybody else, but I am alive. I have feelings and I think it is important to listen to them. Their are things I want to do. I don't know if this is real or a dream, but it is happening and it is me. I think it is real. I think I am real. I think I am somebody. I am someone. Someone unique and individual. No one else is me, unless they see that they are one with me and I am one with them. Still I am individual in my being the only being in the universe. Not that I am the one true ego, rather that I am the single Being that is all beings, the Universal solitary self. The great One. Our original face. This is who I really am. This is who my personality and feelings belong too. This Christ Consciousness that is the divine spark within all life, within all form. I am this. This is what really feels, what really is human. What really is someone. This is the person with a heart, with feelings. I am alive. I am someone. I am here now.
     I think this solves the mystery of whether or not we are somebody. We are not our egos, yet this doesn't mean that we aren't individuals. We are individuals. I think an individual is more than an ego, so it still exists without the ego. This is something I have struggled with for many years. The question of, "Is their somebody here?" "Am I(an individual person) real?" I think when you step outside of the delusion of the ego the answer is clear. "Yes, clearly I am somebody" I don't know how long I will be, whether or not I am eternal, but I really do think that I am someone now. This is real. And it's important because it means it's important to take care of each other, because we all are real. This may sound silly, but for me it is not. I have been in serious doubt as to whether or not I or we really are. This has caused a great deal of insecurity, anguish, and hindrance in my life. I took my doubts seriously instead of brushing them aside as ridiculous notions, because they are not ridiculous notions if you look in earnest at the nature of ourselves. I let myself fall into the doubt and the emptiness I felt inside when they arose within me as much as I could bear emotionally instead of doing my best to avoid these extremely unpleasant feelings. (Not that I haven't done or don't do my fair share of avoidance) I just definitely went a lot deeper into them as far as most people go. I did this because I couldn't and can't stand being insecure. It's like an infection of blindness. A sickness. It's more disturbing than the disturbance I created by facing the deeply unsettling void that gnawed within me. I can't stand being dishonest or disingenuous. I feel terrible when I am thus. I felt utterly compelled to find out if I was someone who could be genuine. You can't be genuine if you don't exist. I also felt very strongly like their was something to find out. Something that I was missing, something that would fill the gap.
     I remember feeling lost, not knowing who I was, feeling like my heart was torn out of my chest. Feeling so lost and ungrounded. Feeling like what I was doing was so wrong. Like I was so far off from where I wanted to be. Like the good and the truth were far off destinations, remote and unreachable. I definitely could do good and be true, but I didn't feel like I understood what good was. And the truth I had was about my relative state of being. I couldn't see through the delusion of my mind. I didn't feel whole, I felt very much a little part. A little part lost and blind to the whole. I didn't feel like I was doing what I wanted to be doing. I felt like what I was doing was this mad social orchestra totally disconnected from anything real. Like I was in this bubble of life and God and truth was somewhere else. It wasn't where I or anyone else was. It wasn't here on Earth. Not among us. We were in the dark and my own thoughts and feelings were the brightest lights I could find. I still think most people are blind, but I know now that the truth lies within all form and is all form. It definitely resides on Earth. All their is is truth.
     I discovered definitely that I couldn't see or find the truth the way I was looking, the way I was. I knew I needed to let go of this part of myself, which felt like nearly my whole self, or my old body. I think I knew I was someone at the time and at some part of this transformative process I forgot that I was somebody. I fell so deeply into darkness and doubt that I wasn't sure if I was anybody at all, or if their was such a thing as an individual. Everything felt like a dream. I didn't feel awake. I don't think I felt like anybody, not sure if I was anybody. It felt like my self was submerged in the sea I had fallen into. It was lost to me as I drowned and struggled under the waves. It was who I was as I was lost in the sea, but I didn't feel like anyone at all. It felt like my soul had left me stranded on a life raft in the middle of the ocean in the blazing sun. I was completely alone, even when I was surrounded by other people. I was on a different planet. I had dipped beneath the waves of typical conscious activity to discover my true nature. That was more than 7 years ago...