Logic #6

 A lot has been changing for me. It has been quietly doing so. It is interesting to watch this change happen. As human beings submerged in egoic consciousness, we don't realize where truth leads us when it deeply opens up. We have many notions of what this awakening is, and what it means for us. I think what I am trying to say is a lot of what awakening is, isn't centered around us as an individual. It is an awakening of that which is transcendent of our humanity, that which is the forbearer of our humanity. I think it is very difficult for us to imagine what reality is like outside of a perception centered on the ego. Because it most often is, we tend to imagine truth in an egoic landscape, when enlightenment is really the end of our identity as a separate individual. Enlightenment is also not centered on a human perspective, it is transpersonal. This is our true nature, not our individual personal lives. Enlightenment's main effect is not an improving of the state of our personal lives, but a transcendence of our personal life. It truly does not happen to us because it shows us with finality that there is no us. We have no life save our life as God in God. This is not tied to any John or Jane Doe. This erases John and Jane Doe and leaves God. God has always been there and God will always remain there, here, as reality. As humans we do not realize how far enlightenment will go. I think only in a much more awakened society would this understanding be commonplace. To me what all of this means is how definite it is that we are not ourselves, how seriously we should consider what we choose to do with our time, because we do not know when the time will come again when we can skillfully apply ourselves to freeing ourselves from delusion. Not only ourselves, but each other. Our personal folly is apart of the net which ensnares human beings in delusion and suffering. It is only the truth that can set us free, even if this means by losing our self to gain our Self. I do not think we can be fully human until we free ourselves from delusion. I think directly seeing God frees us to become fully human, fully ourselves. I don't think we can do this until we recognize what we really are, which is God. Otherwise we are not pointed in the right direction. Here what we pursue will only continue to cloud our vision. Anything else is egoic. What is egoic is logic, rational, or wisdom that is missing the point. God is the only true wisdom. God's wisdom contains all lesser paths. It is the sum total of all of them and much more. God gives us the attitude necessary to successfully employ any lesser truth or wisdom. As long as we remain attached to what is partial, our attitude and aim will be imperfect and we will continually fail. We will continue to have difficulty. We cannot use God for our own interests, not to serve our own egos, because this is still a life ruled by ego, which is still misguided. As long as we serve ourselves we will lose sight of Him, and if we lose sight of Him, we will not know what is right, or where to go. We will not be able to fully realize His purpose, which is for us to fully realize and carry out His will. This is synonymous with fully realizing Him and fully giving up our self. There is no way around this. Cleverness will always be selfish, it will always be a lesser intelligence compared to the wisdom of selflessness. He is all that is real. There is no place for anything else in Him.

 What we are realizing is this, that alone He is, and I AM. The path to this is renunciation of the worldly life which is the cultivation of the life of the soul which ultimately realizes and merges with Him. Worldliness is perception and experience generated by thirst and attachment. Renunciation is realized through non-attachment. This is a way of living and being that we adopt personally. It has to do with how we behave in the world in addition to the attitudes we hold in our mind and in our heart. Renunciation is both a mental and heart attitude. Mentally we are renouncing ignorance for the sake of enlightenment and in our hearts we are renouncing worldly attachment for the sake of fully receiving and awakening to God's love. The more clearly we realize and mentally perceive the Wisdom of non-attachment and see Him, the more readily we can reject what the world has to offer and turn to Him in our hearts. Similarly if we do not turn to Him in our hearts, we will not be able to see Him in our minds. We will lose sight of Him. We must remain steady in both heart and mind to find balance along the path. The mind helps us navigate the path, the heart is essential to walk it. The mind helps us see who He is, the heart helps us realize His will. If we see clearly who He is, we can learn to love Him in our heart. Through Love we can fully realize His divine will. 

In my path I chose Wisdom first and then Love. Wisdom has helped me to see the virtue of selflessness and of becoming a devotee to God and His way. Without wisdom, I do not know if I would have been able to set down my desire. God gave me wisdom so that I could see Him and realize the folly of my ways. He allowed me to see Him so that I would renounce my selfishness and turn to serve Him. God knew I would turn to serve Him when I saw clearly enough who He is. He knows that I follow wisdom, even when it does not serve me. For this, God loves me and graced me with a vision of Himself. I know that I can only keep it as long as I serve Him, so I will do anything He says. Because I love Him more than anything else. 

The Lord is supreme. There is no higher path or way. He is ultimate. Therefore, it is wise to serve Him. To seek Him and to know Him. Through this wisdom, we can attain Him and find liberation in Him. He is the key to salvation. His wisdom is essential to be successful in all things. We cannot breathe without him. Thus, to reject Him is insanity. To reject Him is to reject life. Without Him we are nothing. God asks us to learn of Him so that we can see the wisdom in serving Him. He wishes us to serve Him so that we can fully carry out His will. We wish to do this because His will is our own, it is the truth. His will is our human will fully unraveled, fully released in the infinite, which is Him. We seek self- actualization, this has it's fulfillment only when we release the self in Him. Self-actualization is the bringing to life of the full power of of our will. Actualizing it's potential in the universe. We seek to actualize our true nature which already exists, is already here. Awakening means awakening to what already is, who we already are, the Self that already is. It is equally remembering and forgetting. That I AM, the dream that is the ego-fantasy dissolves in the light of the Self, and I AM remains. 

Logic # 5

 The daily struggle to bring myself to do what I am called to do. Not a dramatic heart wrenching struggle. Just a moderate resistance to the act of facing the way before me. It hasn't felt like a struggle that I can win in a day. It has been one that is long and drawn out. It has been personally difficult to bear this without a regular system of exercises designed to harmonize my energies. I have felt that the drive to create such a plan has been driven by a will insufficiently suited to create the harmony that I believe I may need to as steady as I would like to be. It has been driven more by cleverness than by appropriateness. This makes in inappropriate. I think I am focusing too much on my own feelings at this point, perhaps giving them too much power over my wellbeing. I think I still am being too selfish. I often find it difficult to recognize this in the moment. It's like I can't help but sink my teeth into a rotten apple. I guess it's a learning process and I am doing something that is new to me. So my expectations are off. I feel like I need to shed an old skin. It has been somewhat difficult for me to find a new reference point. If it's not about me then who is it about? How do I orient myself? What is my life going to look like? It is strange. I guess I feel like I am coming at this at an odd angle. I am unsure how much attention I should give it. I am often not sure how much attention I should give anything. It feels like my touch has been off...and I had it down so well. Lol. I kind of feel like I really don't need to worry about this as much as I do, but I don't think I can help it. I haven't been able to recognize who I am or how much I have changed...and this has caused a lot of anxiety. There are so many interesting things that appear to be throwing me off, and I think I find it all considerably unusual...I am not sure what things point to...Or what it means by what they do point to. My mind feels very squirrely and I haven't been able to put my finger on it. So many things confuse me and I believe send me spiraling. It makes me feel sick to my stomach, discombobulated. Disoriented. Very disoriented...I don't seem to be able to trust many of the feelings I did before..and I am not sure which feelings to trust now...I feel like I am flying in circles and in multiple directions at once...Like my eyes are looking in different directions. But I don't feel as bad as I did before. I feel like generally I am suffering less. I guess I am still processing things. It is very clunky. I feel hot and then cold, back and forth. I don't see another way to proceed...It makes me want to rush forward, but I think this is just stupid. I think it is important to have faith in the way I am going, and this is kind of the point of it all. This would be easier if I wasn't heading into all of it so fast. It feels like I am running full speed at it. Lol. It is kinda scary how it is all unraveling. I feel like I don't have any control...Like I feel mostly ok on the outside, but like 33% of me is going on a constant emotional roller coaster. It is kind of absurd. I don't think much of what I am experiencing is real...Like it has much depth or bearing on how things really are. It is just like a mind show from all of the malfunctioning processes in my brain. Consciousness is trippy. It's almost like a bubble that could pop and I would realize how meaningless all of it has been. I think my anxiety makes me take all of it too seriously. It makes it difficult to see how ludicrous it all is. I guess I am maybe tired of playing along with all of the insanity. I just want to be myself. I want to be free. It often seems like the only way forward is to press play and hold on for dear life. What a joke. I kinda feel like I have become a girl on the inside. And I am working through this side of my being. Ya...like not all of me, like what I have gone through is still there as a solid foundation...it is just allowing me to develop this side of myself. I kind of forgot about this..So strange..It is a different way of being. I guess I am working on being soft...and probably gentle...It seems to me that these are both such powerful forces. It is difficult being so vulnerable. Being so open. To give so much so quietly..It is pretty wonderful. Softness and sweetness combined with wisdom...Our culture is so homophobic..It is sad. Men are cut off from experiencing so many parts of themselves because they are taught to be afraid of them. I am not sure if we have good examples of people who are open to both sides of themselves, masculine and feminine. It is just kind of old school..Obviously things are changing. I don't think it is necessary for anyone to be any way, I just think it is healthy to be able to express yourself and to grow as an individual. To be able to grow freely and in a way that is respected and respectful of others. I think we are the way we are and this is not going to change. In the moment we just have to accept this about ourselves and others. It is clear to me that this all boils down to love. Because love is the deepest respect. This isn't a blind love, but a deep and abiding love. 

I think that everything we can talk about points to the same truth. I think this is the profound emptiness of being. I think everything we recognize as separate things are not in fact separate, but one, that none of these things in fact exist. I don't think there is anything going on but this. What this is is that. This isn't any way at all, but the way that it is. And it is not a way that we can cling to. It is not anything that we can hold on to. Everything that we see is this. And there is nothing else but this. There is nothing we can take from this. It simply remains as it is and is unaffected by the world, because the world does not exist to affect it. Everything that we see and experience is it. Everything that we feel is it. Just as a mirror is composed of millions of grains of sand. We cannot step outside of ourselves. It isn't going anywhere. Ever. So neither are we. Or anything.  Nothing is going anywhere. Things leave, but they never really do. Nothing is separate, their is nothing that is born. What we imagine is born, is not really born. There is no difference between anything. What passes is not passing away. There is no thing that can come and go. There is no other space that what is this, so how can anything leave this? There is no other world. There is no other life. The whole universe exists in this moment. In this space. This space is everywhere. it is everything. Each space is every space and every thing, because every space is everywhere. There is no other space than this. This space is everything. It is whole and complete. It contains everything. We can not gain anything by going outside of ourself, because there is no outside of ourself to go. We have never been outside of ourself. We will never be outside of ourself. There is no room to be anything but who we are in this moment. We have always been ourselves. We have always been fully perfectly who we have always been and this is who we are now. There is no past or future. The present is the living moment, it is all that is real. This moment is reality. There is nothing outside of this. This moment is awake and alive. Each thing in this moment is every other thing. We can not take anything out of the whole. There is simply the whole. There is no difference between anything we do because everything is Love.