Musings

 I continue to change a lot. It feels like I am getting a better feel for what I am doing. It feels good. There appears to be a great quantity to process, which can be daunting, but, this process seems to be governed by forces that can be known and depended upon. It seems that the more clearly I perceive this, the steadier my hand will be. The more certainty I will have about the consequences of my actions, and the results of my efforts. Certainty that what I am doing will bring about what I think it will. It appears that manipulation of elements for selfish gain creates a blindness which inherently upsets the efforts made to reach particular goals. It makes the fulfillment of the goals unavoidably uncertain, which renders this approach unfitting if one wishes to have security in their endeavors. If one wishes to be able to depend upon their efforts. Otherwise, it is always a gamble, which eventually will end in ruin. They whom are ruled by their ego continue in their pursuit of power and mastery because they fail to see this and believe they can outwit the universe, they by their time until they are powerful enough to challenge the powers that be, they may succeed for a time, yet their sole trust in themselves will be their undoing, because in doing so they fail to see the greater order at work. They are blinded by their own power and wit. They fail to recognize that their personal power is a subset of a greater order to which all of this power and personal intelligence belongs and is governed by. This selfishness itself is the act of turning away from this greater order, which is it's ignorance, and it's doom. It is belief in the wisdom of turning to one's own cleverness and spurning the order and will of the greater world. It is drunk in the pursuit of personal power. It is yet ignorant of much that lies outside and beyond it. 

Moving beyond, one turns from this draught to the light of the existent order of things, and the light flows through the mind and the body as it hasn't before. Here, it seems, that intelligence takes precedence over want. Want is subject to the way things work. It is seen that this order cannot be bypassed by desire. It is something to navigate, not to dominate, this is impossible and undesirable because the light of the order is far more tolerable than the dark prison of selfish desire. This selfishness can only beat off suffering at best, while the light of order allows one to rise out of it with increasing certainty. Certainty that comes with knowledge and trust. Here one learns to transform selfish desire into consciousness. And with consciousness comes skillfullness. With intelligence it seems that you can do anything. There is no end to what the mind can achieve with intelligence. The aim isn't to eliminate the base, but to grow out from it. To carry it further than ever before. 

Operation Get Votes

 Operation steer to the colony, entering the hive. Sending out bee-vibrations, ticking out the codes, antenna deployed. Gather the honey like Sunday money. Steer the beer to the thirsty throng. Make amends for all the wrongs. Turn it on like Donkey Kong. Nuff said, tough stuff, for reels. Reels for days. Not only green light go, green light stay bright, with steadfast daylight. Tough work, make jerky work. Roughneck leather head, steadfast daybed, soft light, standstream, mellow gold, make believe, strataverse the underwear, daffodil and teddy bear, tall up, sundown, shoe box, motown, great seed for grape king, make me, my meddly, mopey no show me only, make the mad knee care for unkee-doo, he be best knot for top sun dog. Turn sideways for golf feed, next to me you say CHEESE! Smelly smiley rectified, cast betwen two mountain sides, Randy James get liquified, some good pears got sunshine, The stratoverse opens before a hearse, dark doors to Earth birth, condensed and turned, upheaved and burned, toasted sweet, carmel coffee treat, Halloween Happy Days, sugar pains, mind bleed, star feed, make believe, stolen cheese, playing in these colors, swirling on the wall, coming up to Sundown, where I know it all. Day past, stray cage, one stand, night play, curly cue, marrow bay, call the people, set it straight, sacrifice, bite by bite, make tomorrow, live today, work the work, spinning the light, spinning the light, spinning the light..

Creative power of now

 We can use the will to create anything we wish, for ill or good. It is a creative power that we direct with our thought and attention. From within us, it is ceaselessly participating in the creation of the universe, creating that which is in accord with our energy signature. Much of what we will, we are not conscious of, the key to controlling and guided what we create is to pay attention to how our inner individual universe is related to the exterior worldy universe. By understanding the subtle relationship between the two, we can alter inner currents to manifest outward changes. The two are ultimately One and eventually it is seen that inner feeling is equal to exterior reality. Still from here, we experience this shaping of reality as an interior feeling/creating, except that here, there is no barrier between creator and created. This I believe is the highest form of creation and of existence. By understanding mind and feeling we can shape the world consciously with our will. We can be fully conscious of what we create and have full control over the outcome of our creations/endeavors. The power to create is always here and it is always infinite. Lack is imaginary, it is one way in which infinity expresses itself. Everything in our mind is an expression of infinity that we experience as human beings in a multitude of ways. We often forget that we are One with the creative process as we fall into the belief of negative thoughts and feelings. We forget that all of this is coming out of us right now. That we have total control if we choose to have it over what is going on. It is all in the mind. I think it is very true that what we experience is a choice, even if we are unaware of it, or feel powerless to change what is happening. I think deep within we choose to see what we want and to ignore what we want. I think when we are very mindful of how the creation of the universe comes from within, we may feel highly motivated to be more conscious of how we lead our lives. Forgetting this is like slipping into a watery dream. We have the power to shape our lives right now, and for many more often than not, we are not living the life that we wish to be living. We feel the choice is out of our control. I think it is most intimately within our control. A kind of intimacy unfortunately very alien to us, even though is is more us than we are now. We shy away from this power because we are comfortable in our relative darkness, but we will never be happy here. We will never be happy postponing living fully in this moment. There is no life but what is happening right now. I think it really is all or nothing. It is really amazing to think that our fullest life is right here, not anywhere else. We don't have to do anything to get it. The funny thing is that it already is here, it is the only things that is. 

The way

 I think I know now that forcing it is not good, that it won't work. I have to find something that is light and that works. Bending to my own will is not the way. I think it is hard for me to accept this and to adapt. Especially when I see that I have the power to do what I want with it. It is hard for me to stay open. While it doesn't seem that there is any other way that works. I think the universe may be more open to my disposition that I think. The thing is, I get an idea that I like, and then I seize upon it much to tightly and become lost. This is not the direction I want to go. I get upset because I think I can't have what I want or like, that I have to give it all up, when I really think what I am giving up is attachment to it, giving up that attitude and way of being. This I think may be most important. And perhaps has been the most difficult for me to maintain. I have succumbed easily to temptation in the past, and I distrust Christ and this wisdom. Turning to darkness instead for personal gain. I don't think there is really any other way that works, and I think the way of light is almost definitely the most fulfilling way. We distrust it in our ignorance. In our fear of losing out. There is a way in Christ, perhaps many ways. Stay light, stay open, and a path will come to you. Non-attachment. It seems like the mind may have to grow stronger so that it can focus more readily. It seems like now when I try to use it, it almost instant breaks down into egoic striving and is useless. In a sense building up the power of non-attachment. Otherwise any effort seems futile. This seems to be the way. Not anything else, as much as I may want it. It almost sounds nice because it frees me from the pains of desire and attachment. Of having to be a certain way. Desire and attachment seem like wisdom, but they are not. The body does not want to accept this. It wants what it wants right now. It is really easy for me to get caught up in what I want, and lose sight of this. To get caught up in desire. That personal power is a distraction. It is lust for desire. Lust for power. Really losing sight of what is real. Losing sight of the way. I am not sure I know what a balance looks like. Between the two. Because it seems like I can only do so much of one right now. It feels like I am stuck between the two. And I want to go more towards one, but I don't think I will be giving up the other. At least altogether. I don't think I need to. I don't think that is my destiny. I think I just need to do enough, to strike the right balance between the two and this will move me in the right direction. I don't know what that is yet, I think I may be getting closer to figuring it out. I am eager to do so. Eager and impatient. Tired of being stuck where I am. But, I can't get going until I am pointed in the right direction, otherwise I will get stuck again. It seems like it is intelligence, intellect that is growing that is making it easier to figure this out, that is clearing the way and increasing the processing ability and operation. Intellect helps me be wiser by navigating the terrain more effectively. I feel I still have a great deal to learn. That a great deal remains holding me up. It is complicated beyond my ability to deal with in a way that I can be as successful as I would like to be. I can learn very quickly, as I believe I am, and it still doesn't feel like enough. I don't think there is anything else I can do...Because non-attachment is a complicated thing, with many dimensions and degrees of operation. Many inter-dependent factors. Many things upon which wisdom is founded. I think I have a lot of room to become more intelligent. I think I have a lot of viewpoints that are incorrect and because of this are troublesome. I fear I am much more of a fool even then I realize. I am afraid of the trouble that will be cause by my remaining deep attachment to things. I hope that I will be able to walk a way of relatively calm waters soon. It really does seem to depend a great deal on how I use my intellect to improve my intellect through self-examination and scholarly study. I am afraid of how easy it is for my mind to be clouded by desire. I am afraid that I will not find a satisfactory way through this cloudedness. I am afraid that I won't want to. I am afraid there is no middle way. I don't want to be a Saint now. I also don't want to be a devil. I would like a clean path to travel from one to the other. From where I am to Saintliness. I really just want to be human, to be a normal human being. 

I think I have a lot of attitudes that need adjustment. So that I can tighten down the hatch and make this boat sea worthy. Running towards other solutions out of mad passion and fear is not going to work, it does not make sense. It makes more sense to be able to manage well what I have now, and then start looking for other, better options, if what I have is something I can manage well. Which I think it is, and I think that I can. If a better way starts opening up and I can pursue this wisely in tandem or in addition to what I have without become personally unsteady, then it makes sense to allow it to blossom. It seems like, almost certainly, that the way forward, a real healthy way forward, involves the tempering of this mad despair and fitful emotion and the emergence of a well developed reasoning. A tempered intelligence that is in control of this being, who can keep emotions and feelings in check, remaining level headed, grounded in practical sense that only comes from tried and tempered perspectives and attitudes. One that is skilled enough to successfully navigate the many dimensions of this world.

There is a lot that can go badly, yet there is also a lot that can go well. A lot of good that may be coming, that seems to be coming to meet me now. I am afraid, but there is a lot I can do that is good, that can strengthen my position. If I am wise enough and fortunate enough to see it. I will get upset again and the best thing I can do is to remember where and who I am. My aim now seems to be cultivating skillful action through developing my intellect and managing my desire. The development of general intelligence seems to be a direct result of properly restraining one's desires and emotions: The skillful mastery of desire and emotion produces more intelligent perspectives.  

Musings...

 Mountain of magic. This white back ground is killing me.  I am not sure if I can change it. Oh well. I wish I could write with the background of the actual blog. This is so plain and uninspiring. Ok, this is better now. I minimized the page and changed my desktop background. Still not the best, but better. Ocean good!! Strange week! Strange and interesting. Heavy programs churning mind like butter. Consciousness is a strange thing. What is the difference between despair and joy? Or between powerlessness and power? Why do some stand so long in powerlessness and others in power? What is the difference? True power. At the moment it appears that I don't understand this and what is happening to me. It has been very confusing. It has been so easy to fall into pits of the mind, and perhaps to fall out of them. With no apparent rhythm or design I am able to recognize. Just falling in and out, repetitiously. I don't understand why this is happening, or what it is. It seems like holding onto perceived patterns too tightly keeps me in this cycle of unsteady consciousness. It keeps me falling into unconsciousness. At this moment, I find anything that keeps me in this cycle undesirable. I don't think I have been able to see clearly enough to keep myself from regularly falling into pits of darkness. I don't think I have been able to do anything about it, but simply pass through it..It feels like my actions have continually put myself back into darkness, trapping me in a cycle of darkness. There hasn't been enough light within my being to lift myself out of this. -The next morning... I don't think I need to understand why this is happening, it just is. I don't think I need to understand anything about this, I'm not sure if in a way I ever will. Darkness makes you want to seize what you can not grab, for there is nothing there to grab, nothing to hold onto, the river merely passes by. A vision of us seizing in the darkness, is likewise a vision, without anyone seizing at all. The mirror is empty. Light born in darkness, darkness born in light. Light among Light. Sweetest of all wines. I think the heartless end of seizing is the birth of something real. For which real is seen among real, as real is all there is. The end of one road is the beginning of another. Seeing this, it is seen that this new beginning never begin at all, for it never ended. What was not sight was seeing all along. The sight has always been, pulling away at the soul. Breathing breath into the body of the world. A world without itself, merely a great Spirit and a great body. A living moment that is Soul. That which has always been. Singing sadness into a song of the most moving passion, to the greatest delight of all living beings, known or unknown to them. Singing beneath the shade of willow trees in the late Summer afternoon, while a long day's heat presses the mind to unrest. Unknown is the sweet singing. The sweet singing behind all the woes of the world. The singing is the water itself lapping against the dock in the stormy night. The water and the night which carry the deep cold and stillness of the Earth. There I found my Soul. I knew myself wonder mixed with unnameable bliss. There is no other moment than this one in the passing light of the Earth. The Earth moves me with such a stirring passion, it's long history of great feeling all contained and pressing out in this moment. A moment that in it's entirety is my life and feeling. The deep pressing mystery of my being, Light carrying me ever outwards and ever inwards. Singing a song that is the world. But here, I never want to leave. It is most precious. God has given it to me, above all else, as my own. It is my life, my most precious life. A life beyond life. Most precious Lord. Ceaseless savior of living beings. The highest lord above present in lake waters lapping against the dock in the night. Living light, bastion of the world. Many lords, living among men, toiling in the world, thinking of naught but themselves, will quickly come into their own and rule, outstanding most, with minds as high and sharp as jagged mountain peaks, Hearts that contain horizons, The great equalizers of our time, sensitive the pressing call of the Earth as it speaks in the mold and the body of each Man. A great many people of this light. Healers of life and land. Many lords and ladies in many countries, returning the law to the land. Healing the Earth with Wisdom and Divine Love. Spreading Love through Love. Wisdom through Wisdom. Light through Light. What great destiny awaits us. What praise and joy. What power we have to heal and to become whole. The land desires to sing and the people desire to sing with the land. In such a singing that is altogether wholesome and good. Such a light that shines through all changes, guiding, grounding, and upholding. A sturdiness that life can be built upon, that goodness can depend upon, a sturdiness to uphold the world and each one of us in it. Such a light is already here. It is within each of us and composes the very fabric of our being. It takes seeing it for the world to be full of it, the world that we know. It takes seeing it for it to come to others and for it to spread within humanity. The thing is, the light is already here, it is already shared amongst us, seeing it, we do not recognize it as it is. For we are not without, we are fulfilled, by the grace of God, forever and ever. This is fulfilledness. Such is the power and majesty of God. To create such a thing as this, it is beyond praise. His glory and power. Light among lights within light. Everything thing we have is a gift. Amen. Light amongst lights, everything given for the uplifting of everything else, hidden in plain sight, the greatest gift of all is free will. We are free to live our lives however we wish. Perhaps life itself and free will. Which go hand in hand. God's infinite mind, infinite being, and infinite nature are the most precious things in the universe. God's mind and His life are the life of all life, the source of all things. 

Life is empty of all things save His intelligence, which is supreme and unfathomable. This life alone is His mind, His being. This is God. Infinite being. Which is what Emptiness is, Supreme Being. Nothing else exists but this unfathomable emptiness. It simply is, I know it as Light and rejoice. We cannot be without the greatness of God. We cannot be without the Light of His being. It is his nature. He is supreme, and we are supreme in Him. His life is One end eternal. He is One and all. All things are One in Him. Supreme Lord of Being. Father. The Lord God, your land is blessed Father, you alone, Supreme One. We are supremely blessed in you, this supremely blessed kingdom. Of the highest peace and nature. Such are your ceaseless gifts to us. Turning to you, I regain myself. Endless, boundless you are, we dwell in a supremely blessed kingdom. We dwell in a supremely blessed kingdom, this is a supremely blessed kingdom. Blessed by your light and power, we awaken to your nature. Which is Supreme. You are the Supreme One. Your being stands alone, stretching far and wide, forever, endlessly stretching. You are the One, Supreme Lord. Your power and your nature. The Father has arrived. This is his infinite being. The bosom of his love. Supreme and endless bliss. Bliss upon bliss, forever, stretching forever. His nature, our nature, infinite supreme, undying bliss. This is Light, Being. He is here and I am One. I am Light, Being, Bliss, Infinite Bliss. This is Light, infinite being, and Bliss. Bliss eternal. Bliss, undying, unending bliss. Here I am, amongst all of this, as this, I AM. I AM. HERE I AM. 

Ahem

 Regardless of my present shortcomings, it seems that I have gained an incredible degree of intelligence over the past couple years. An intelligence still burgeoning. I feel brighter than before. I feel much smarter, even though by appearance much looks the same. I don't think it is. I think a lot is the same, but more is different. I feel different, I think, deeper within myself. I think happened and continues to happen as the surface forms continue to exist much as they have for the las ten years. I think I feel wiser, and perhaps, ready for more. Ready to continue, however this may play out. I have found it very difficult to judge how things are going because of the great disturbances I experience regularly and because of the depth and subtlety of the development I believe occurs within me. It often lies beyond my ability to consciously perceive. I trust in feelings rather than a steady conscious knowing because my movements often take me into deep pools of darkness. Additionally we are trained to see strength in such a superficial way which leads us to devalue the kinds of strength that matter the most. Thus, we devalue our own actions and quality of being. A society that highly values wisdom would not have this problem nearly as much. My self-esteem has suffered greatly due to my inability to succeed in ways that I have been taught to value and that I perceive that society values. When in truth, my efforts are worth far more esteem than most individuals merit, and my achievements are on a scale that most cannot fathom. While society cannot readily perceive what I have been doing, I can better value it and this will enrich my life. All of this being said, I have done much that I am not proud of, and have in several ways fallen from grace. For this, I believe I deserve the shame that I feel, and I feel it is healthy to feel this shame, so I can learn from my mistakes. I am not perfect and can improve in many ways. I think it is important to aim for such improvement. It is important also for me to mature where it is most needed, where I feel that I am most immature, and to continue to strive for a healthy balance. I should be forever mindful of becoming too proud and conceited, for which I will feel justified in behaving unethically. I have had to sacrifice much more than I would like to sustain the growth of my being, much I believe has not been avoidable. I feel that my immaturity is a result of the immaturity of the society I was raised in, in combination with some of my inherent character flaws largely not the cause of anything society did to me. As smart as I am, I am not yet smart enough to avoid major catastrophe's or to put myself on a path straight and narrow. I feel between the open arms of God and many pointed blades of death. But, things may not be as they seem, as I have said. I think perhaps for better than for worse. 

Clinging and attachment

 It is not wise to cling to things. It is wise to let go of clinging as a result of realization of the wisdom of non-attachment. Clinging does not bring about the results we desire. It cannot. It distorts our vision so that we see what does not exist. What we gain by it is not what we think it is, what merit we think it brings, truly brings darkness. It weakens us, rather than strengthening us. It is not a solution, it is a disease. Resulting from perspectives born from ignorance. It will consume us, deceived as we are by our own guile turned against ourself, for the sake of fulfilling desire. Giving into this temptation means ignoring sense, and allowing ourselves to be seduced by the opportunity to receive pleasure. Darkening the mind, our reason diminishes and we see the world in a half-light. All our decision making and prioritizing is skewed and we do not have a clear sense of what is right and wrong. So deeply embedded in ignorance and attachment, we do not see the light of day. The dharma is the single force that can bring us out of this darkness, into the light of reason. Everything else is fundamentally flawed and cannot be depended upon. No matter how good a thing may appear, if it is not Goodness itself, it is unwise to depend upon it. Seeing this wisdom clearly, one recognizes the insubstantiality of the form that we call this world. Regardless, nearly all of us are imperfect human beings. We succumb to delusion. God, and the dharma are merciful, ever open and ever aware of our shortcomings, Ever ready to receive us. They recognize that it may take much to free us from delusion and they are willing to both wait and work with us as we gradually awaken. We do not need to rashly abandon our way of life to pursue Christ. We may, yet I think it it perhaps more prudent to recognize the reality of our situation, the degree to which we see and that we don't and strike a middle way. I think it better to think of the long road and to first seek to come under the protection of God, so that our path may be blessed by His virtue. I think we should first seek security in Him so that we can safely and securely delve into the vast expanse of Illumination. I think what this means is temperance and a development of a relationship of Faith. Until we see that He alone is the way, we will not seek to live by Him and we will not succeed in our endeavors, nor pursue what truly brings fulfillment. Recognizing that He is the way, we recognize that all our shortcomings, however specifically they can be attributed to personal shortcomings, all result from a lack of Faith and observance of His will. We equally recognize that this world is not under the power of dark, cold, insensitive, or malicious forces, but under Him. When we feel a sense of lack, or of abuse, it is not due to any real trouble in the world, it is rather due to our lack of Faith, our dependence on Worldly things, rather than on Him. The world itself is a vast swath of lack. Although imaginary, it is imagined finitude. Which in no way can satisfy or guide the Soul. We will continue to experience lack as long as we continue to depend upon finite things of finite virtue and finite Wisdom. We turn away from God, because we imagine that he will take away what we love. I do not think this is the case. I think God wants to give us what we love, just in a way that frees us from suffering and delusion. I don't think he asks as much as we think. We just are so far away from Him in our hearts that we imagine he is like us: cold, insensitive, and distant. We are so lost that we have forgotten what Goodness looks like, we are afraid in believing it exists. Recognizing these truths, I think we can come to see that here in this moment, God is already giving us the best opportunity to take care of ourselves, it is not a lack of anything that keeps us from fulfillment, but a lack of seeing that God has already given us everything we need, especially created for us in this moment, right now. We are always looking away, if we could see what we really have, we would know that God loves us. He has never abandoned us, we have abandoned ourselves and God still holds us up. When I have clear enough judgment and enough strength, I can begin to see this truth. It presents a very different world from the one most of us see. Not a place of darkness and fear and trouble, constant anxiety, but a place that God has created for us to learn, not where we need to learn how to rule over others, but to perceive His will within Creation. Soul takes precedence over survival, survival is apart of the arena of the Soul, not the other way around. The real power here is the wonder of Light, God's mercy, and His mind blowing Wisdom and intelligence. The day to day struggle is the surface of the water, it's rules and laws are only skin deep, the power and way of Faith and of God, carry all of the potency and the Mastery. If we are struggling, look to Him. Look within, see what He says. This world can only provide so much, and all of this also comes from Him. To find security here on Earth, we must develop this relationship with God and with Faith, so that our insight into Him is firm. When we see His will clearly, we can walk this world in peace. 

This is not simply getting what we want, for what we want often isn't good for us. It is transforming who we are into a being who is in line with Universal Law and who lives in Light, rather than in darkness. Simply living to fulfill our desires will not really give us what we want, because what we want is so much more than impulsive lusting after things. Thinking this is what we want, we will spurn the Order of God, but here we are deceived. The only way to actually get what we want, is to participate in the Order of God. The other way is up and down, inconsistent, troubled, very unpleasant. It doesn't end anywhere or go anywhere, it stays where it is, down in the bowels of the Earth. We are Souls, much greater, we are a spectrum of consciousness, of needs, drives and desires. I think the only way to really get what we want is to go up! We don't just want the drudgery of sense pleasures, we want so much more! Yet these are apart of our being, I do not think we have to monkishly exclude them!!! Yay! But, we also won't succeed by fully giving ourselves over to their power. We have to strike a balance, at least for the time being!!! I think we really can have everything that we want, we just have to do it according to His Order!! Which includes the temperance of ourselves and Harmony with Him!!! Then we can open the doors, we can go to places!!! This is the Way!! For Merlin!!! We don't have to suffer one or the other. We can have peace through activity!! I can almost see the way. I tend to see things in extremes, it is rather silly. But I haven't been able to help myself!! There is far more room than I expected! Far more room to do a great deal of many things. I think it requires giving up giving into lust, giving up impulsive egoic desire. Really I do. But this does not mean we have to give up all carnal appetites, at least immediately. Thank God!!! I think it also means recognizing God's Will and Wisdom. A great wide open World! Here I am, stuck right in the middle of it! The World has arrived dear Mr. Bilbo! The Road stretches on before you, as it ever does. It is alive, active! 

It seems like the World plays its own fiddle, that is to say, it strums itself. It plays it's own feet down the road. We are merely in it walking, as it goes, whither it leads us..Lol. The Great Wide open World. Where it goes, I am going. So it is, so is the way. No use in fighting, the path is set before us. Blue and clear in the Heavens. No use clinging to anything. We can't take anything with us. We can't use anything we don't have. Just us and the road. Doing what you want doesn't work. What works is something else. What works is being intelligent, learning how things work, and refraining from using might to solve your problems. Merlin. Duh duh duh. I try and use power to overcome everything lol. When I am already so intellingent. I guess it worked well enough...Lol..not really, but I didn't know better...Power does not overwhelm everything. I am very excited to use my intelligence more. It seems like a good skill tree. Lol. It seems like it will actually work. It seems like my actions are limited by my intelligence. The more I am aware of, the more I can do. The more and the better I understand how things work, the easier it is to navigate them. Succumbing to impulsive desire is foolishness, it is turning off the lights. Being ruled by my emotions same thing. Use your head Samwise Gamgee! I am so used to letting my feelings flow and being ruled by them, so that I can understand them and my desires. Now it seems like to to snap out of the stupor and keep my head above water. It feels good. Like a breath of air after drowning. What can I achieve with this intelligence? To what ends can I go? To what ends shall I set myself? If not desire for the sake of desire then what? It seems like I can truly set my mind to anything, which is very exciting. Though it is most important, it seems, at this time, to maintain vigilance with respect to the great capacity of my desire to overwhelm my better judgment. To hold down the fort as the storm passes. It does appear that the storm is great and mighty, and that I am still far too susceptible to the lure of disastrous impulses. My head is not strong enough to carry such a burden. The weight of the swimming snakes would be far too overwhelming. Build the mind! Protect the self! My goodness, the threat is frightening..!.and still so insensitive  I am of this danger. So dull I am to many things. It seems wise also to build up the capacity of the body, so it may better bear the weight of the world. Much to do! So much the fool I have played! Better the fool that lives, than the one who is dead! Light in a dark place is better than no light at all! The flame still burns! It has passed through great peril! Yet here I am! Fishing in the dark! Progress it seems, much it seems, has been made, despite all shortcomings! Great works I sense whose roots are growing within. Patience, temperance, steadiness needed here. The fire is hot, the wood is dry! I must be steady for some time to pass through this. In truth I may not. I have not many times before. The fire has gone out, and has had to painfully be relit. The World turns again and again, and again. 

The Fire it burns
The World it turns
And Merlin strains to Stand

He looks afar
He looks in front
What has he in hand?

The meadow calls
Sun shining down
An errand on the way

To what end
Doth he go
Merrily, or crazed? 

 I have yet to see fully what great work I have yet here to achieve. I am ever eager of this prospect. Obsessed it seems with settling on it. Yet, much about this is learning how to relax. To not be so caught up with jumping on ahead, to be much more settled into the passing moment of the process, it seems that this is a necessary component of efficient processing, and something I have found it very difficult to do. As of late..I was much better at not hurrying up to much as a child. I instinctively knew that it lead to errors.  Though I probably only applied it to certain things in school. It seems that there is only so much one can do in the process in the moment. Nothing more can be done to hurry it up. Hurrying it up in this fashion slows it down. Get busy, but not too busy. A very good point of character development and of work ethic. It can lead to all sorts of good things. It makes it easier to stay on task. Cuz your not fighting with yourself to get the work done. Things are always changing...right and wrong with them...Only so much I can do now, and only so much good I can achieve. I guess what I want is to put myself to work. To fully employ myself, this is paralleled by a full range of like and appreciation, dream and heart fulfillment. Much as of late I have thought about using magic in this process, magic and the power of mind for manifestation. Too much it has been caught up in desire and the desire for power. Not enough in Harmony. It seems like processing is compulsive. It just mindlessly computes...whatever it has to compute. And this is the light that I live in. It seems like by computing, it shines brighter, and my intelligence grows. It seems like the more I process, the more I get to the heart of things, the greater power I have to process and the closer I am to fulfilling my goal, whatever it is. Weary I am of this at present tedious computation. The balance of my energies makes it so. My feelings are wearing on me. Feelings not met by the powers of my current system. Feelings that make me doubt the way, as well as cloud it. Yet, I think this is the way, and it time it probably will become much more clear that this is so. The intelligence will probably make my life easier, likely more grounded and steady. Which will likely make it more wholesome. I will find a way to use my deeper powers. Yet for the time being, I agree that it is best to wait. I must steer clear of being intoxicated by feeling, emotion, impulse, and desire as much as possible and keep myself established in the brightness of my mind. I am weary of so much in this world. Weary of not being able to keep up with it, and being dragged and beaten down by it. It clouds much of my judgment and impedes much of my activity. Much of this is do to not being able to process the information coming to me, the experiences I have been going through. I have been so backed up in so many ways, so many times. It seems like I am always fighting to keep up with processing the flow of life, both coming into me and that already exists within me. Now, it seems is the time that I may be able to catch up, by becoming bright enough. It seems like I have finally entered into the arena in which I can work on this directly.  

Change of the Seasons

Studying the Dharma as it blows into my mind on Fall winds, and seeps into my being with the heavy rains. Looking out I see people, things, moving. Thinking, talking, feeling, worrying. The sun shining in the sky. Time passing gently in the background. Who notices this? Caught up in ourselves, we forget that all of this is passing. It cannot be held forever, but comes briefly then vanishes. Nothing stays the same, nothing can be forced to remain the same. The power over this life is not our own, nor does it cling to things. Clinging to things as sentient beings, it remains empty of attachment, as impassive as the natural world. We exist in this world, yet this world is empty of self. And selfishness is suffering. Peace is not personal victory, but awakening into Emptiness which is beyond self. We are not free to fully dispose ourselves to eliminate suffering when we cling to our individual egos and let them dominate our existence. Dominion by the self paralyzes the movement of consciousness towards liberated perspective. Ignorance of the reality of Peace and the way to peace lead us on countless paths of endless egoic striving. Which is striving born out of attachment. When we realize the truth of the way to Peace we drop this striving like a weary soldier drops his sword and abandons the field of battle. Ignorance of this truth is an ignorance that is belief in the wisdom of the self or of selfishness. This is the same as the dominating view of a heart being that conditioned forms are real, and that we as and individual are one of them and can live forever as one of them. So attached are we to this narrative that we endure all kinds of suffering to bring about the Supreme Victory of this illusory being. How can any conditioned form have Supreme Victory? As it exists, it exists in perpetual conflict with the imagined multitude of other conditioned forms. For it to exist, a universe of opposing forces and competing wills must exist. It is the belief in the Reality of one's own separate existence. Separate from what? Something else that is separate from it. Something it can never be, for it is it's own self and divided from the world. It's own selfishness will keep it from understanding the Other, from being interested in doing so, so it will forever be ignorant of the nature of the Other and the true relationship between the Other and itself. In it's pride it will believe in it's own superior ability to dominate the Other. This blinds it and it advances blindly and foolishly. It does not recognize that the Other has just as much power as itself, and that in seeking to dominate, it gives the Other the same power to dominate it. For it does not recognize that the Other is itself, and the each are empty of self, and are truly Empty. In the darkness of it's own awareness it experiences the world as other and a boundary between it's feelings and those of the world. It does not see that it's heart has no boundary and is rather living itself than any particular living entity. It is apart of the World which is alive and it's mind and will are one with this World. It's feelings of selfishness are the worlds feelings of selfishness, when it dominates the World, it is ignorant that it is also dominating itself, its own feeling, and is creating misery and disease within itself, it's own mind, flesh and feeling. For it's feeling, which contains both mind and flesh, are One with the feeling that is the mind and flesh of the living world. The world is alive and is more like one living thing with many centers of feeling and consciousness than a collective of disparate organisms with competing wills. Many organisms do not realize they are apart of this expansive feeling, yet it exists there nonetheless. Home is where the heart is, and this home is the wide open world. Frodo Baggins is highly sensitive to this living field, which is why he is the ring bearer of the One ring, which is a perversion of this feeling into a belief that something so precious as the living, feeling world, could be contained in one object by one individual will. Frodo's  great sensitivity of this feeling allows him to master his own selfish impulses to the extraordinary extent necessary to deliver the ring to it's own undoing. Thus the worth of the Shire and all it's green abundance, is truly the abundance of this sensitivity to feeling that Frodo has. I think the Hobbit's at heart are Green Communitarians, which gives rise to their surprising sturdiness and capability. Not just in thought, but in heart, which is both much more powerful and much more difficult to achieve. It makes them greater than perhaps even elves. I don't think the hobbits harbor any serious hatred for anyone. They wouldn't want it, if they could avoid it. I think the power of Tolkien's world come from the accuracy from which his narrative accurately reflects the living centers of drive and consciousness within living being and the dynamics of the interplay between individuals and different groups of beings as they overlap in the world. In this reflection, he captures the genuine picture of people and societies that have risen and strive to rise above selfish impulses. The heart of his book, I think, is the wholesomeness represented by Hobbits and their way of life that is this feeling in it's healthiest state, that to me, feels superior than any other feeling or community present in Middle Earth in it's inherent Goodness. This sentiment is shared by many characters and communities throughout Middle Earth, this awareness of the greater living feeling of the World. Gandalf loves the Shire, and Aragorn and the Dunedein protect it, because it is an embodiment of the One living life that is the World and is of the World. The Elves seek most to expand the Order of and behind the World, Gandalf to protect it, Men are greatly driven to Order, yet also to impulsive selfishness, as is their and Isuldor's Bane. The Dwarves love Order, yet for their own designs, and also succumb to wickedness, yet perhaps less than Men. Sauron is obviously the perversion of the merit of Order and the ignorance of the reality and wisdom of the One living feeling of the World and of the Law and Order that protect it. 

Seemingly against all odds, goodness prevails over evil, perversion and malice. By all appearances the most weak, defeat the most Mighty. It takes a Wizard to know the difference, between true power, true ability, and the apparent power and ability of the Mighty that ultimately comes to nothing. The Lord of the Rings are born from an English soldier facing the Abyss of Evil as it threatens the Order of his World and the balance of life that sustains it. He writes of the dynamics of Power as well as the wisdom that it takes to both see what is good and to walk down the Road that is in line with it. Hobbits it seems, most love their comforts and their good life, but are least attached to them, willing to give it all up to do what is right and just, both because it is Good and because they are wise and see the Way clearly knowing what can, and what can't be avoided. Beyond the appearances of the World lies the Way or the Road as Tolkien puts it, and beyond the Road at it's very core is Emptiness and it's Wisdom of Non-attachment, the greatest light of them all. 

gator rade!!

 Rock n' roll'n down the street. Is this shining the light of intelligence? Shining the light to see what is here.? I am not sure how to describe how I like it. It may be refreshing. Like stepping out of your own shoes. Out of your own skin. Into perhaps, a brighter world. The same world, with more light in the sky. What I like about it, is that I can sit here and this can happen. Just turning up the brightness. Ah yes, this is what this is...This is how this works..It just feels so good. It just feels good inside. So nice. So crisp. So clean. Taco Bell...lol Those bastards! Ha, I just had some really cool thoughts about the Universalized conformist blue drive. It is a will in itself towards order, which makes sense if you think about it, because order is what Reason gives, somehow....I was imaging an order of Will and intelligence beyond my thought, which now newly awakened to the capability of having a will centered upon creating order in the universe can only imagine the possibility of having a will truly centered on Reason. Pure reason. This makes me wonder if when I left school I was not departing a will centered on Tribal consciousness, rather than a will centered on conformist consciousness...yet I think that latter is true. I think I lamented leaving behind the joy of participating in society for the thrill and freedom of radically pursuing my own interests, and Reason above what society deems as reasonable and practical. What I don't understand is how this development relates to this current development of will that I speak of..? It feels like I am uprooting and dissolving the lower stages of consciousness and deeply unraveling them as I go along my way...unlocking their secrets and mastering their content. It feels like in school I was held back by conformist codes, until I gained the heart perhaps to move beyond them. Perhaps there are other fundamental ways of interacting with these dimensions that I am unaware of. Wake up, grow up, clean up, show up...It feels like I am awake by far the most, delving somewhat into the realms of the Absolute. My heart may be at Green sensitive communitarian, and perhaps I am cleaned up to Blue conformist..? It feels like I am showing up on this level to. Like this is the way that I interact with others and the center of gravity where I feel healthiest and most like myself. My life feels very much here, but, it is very important to note the kind of comformist that I am. I conform with Order, not with American society as diverse as it is. Order contains the order that is the established ways of American society, but so much more than this. It is the Order, the Universal Order, all of the programs and their Harmony that I am conforming to. This is why I called it the Universalized conformist blue drive. For it is conformist, and it is blue, yet awakened to the the fullest extent it can reach. I don't fully understand this, this is what I perceive and what I experience. I progress by instinct, and intuition, filling in as much blank space with my limited intellect. Attempting to create a complete picture and understanding of this sprawling universal body and the way in which human beings awaken and evolve, grow and develop on it, which I find perhaps to be the most fascinating of all subjects. God alone may surpass this, yet this is God, at least my development and mind on it. It feels like what I am doing is shining the light of Wisdom, or rather pouring the light of Wisdom, into my being, or being, and illuminating the scope of my being from the lowest to the highest. This may have begun when I left school and the dharma set me on my path after taking me off another. It said to leave behind all that you know and build from the ground up, letting go of conditioned consciousness, for true authentic drive and being. I first fell into darkness...then things got messy, and more, and more messy...until now I find myself here today. It seems now that the light has reached Ego impulse drive, filled it up, spilled over into Conformist blue where it is now properly establishing itself. This is why this whole maneuvering sounds like cleaning up. I think it is cleaning up, but it is also perfecting and mastering I believe. Fulfilling as well. It seems like the scope of these dimensions extends to the extent that I can be humanly awake, which may end at Christ as a Universal body and being. Here, Order is so heavenly beautiful. Order is Celestial. It is Beauty and Harmony, perhaps Ideal, yet an Ideal that may be realized and perhaps become incarnate. I didn't realize it was possible to express oneself with such purity. To will and create in such a way, so free from the heavy grossness that one expects to endure for much of their humanity. 

Everything that is wrong with me...:(

 It seems like what I am attempting to do, is to secure myself in meaning. A continual stream of meaningful moments. I feel like right now I am buried deeply in hard feelings. I am not sure if this compromises my ability to see what is real. Nor am I sure if anything is real. I feel that as of late I have been frequenting a place of absent mindedness. It is not wholly good or bad. More in between. I don't feel super bad, but I don't feel good necessarily...I can't quite tell how I feel...Huh...? I am not sure if I want to be in this space, or if it good to be here. I am not sure now if it is good to be anywhere in particular, or if anything is good in particular. It seems like goodness has nothing to do with things. Or with anything that is happening. It doesn't seem like any of these things are real, yet I find myself here often yearning for my life to be certain ways. I have mixed feelings about these yearnings. I often feel at a loss as of how to cope with them and the profound emptiness of simply being here now. I often don't know how I feel about them and wonder if I am missing out. On living my life. I would like to find a steady pace to go at, for my life to be well organized an easy. I think often or want often to be able to control this pace and life, and I am often conflicted about what this control is, or looks like, and if it is something worth pursuing. I think what I am feeling now, is the place between sleeping and waking when you are falling asleep. Dim awareness, yet nothing coherent, not that it is incoherent. I think I overanalyze a lot of things, I look into them to much, giving them too much significance, and in doing so lose sight of coherent meaning, getting kind of lost. I probably give other things much less meaning than they deserve, and end of suffering because of that...We all do these things, under and over valueing things, but I have a long history of reaping the fiery consequences of such activity, so it is particularly significant to me. I think this is apart of my general foolishness that has afflicted me like a plague. A disease that causes great distress to my generation. And I think what is related to this, is that it is difficult for me to stay focused on what is important. I get sidetracked. I think if I could better assign appropriate values to things, then it would be easier to focus on what is more or most important. I think I spend a hellofa lot of time on things that aren't important or helpful. When I am writing, I start a really meaningful train of thought and then lose it when I veer away to other things. It seems like that loss of momentum is a loss of significance, which I sense I depend upon to survive and thrive. I think if you stay focused you can build up to deeper more impactful insight. It seems like the way my mind works is why I lose focus. It jumps around and gets really excited about ideas, or fades into dullness..It is difficult to stay focused when I sleep as well as I do. It feels like my mind is full of corrupted data. 

I think another thing that causes problems is my expectations which don't often match up with reality. My imagination and reality. I don't think they do. This doesn't mean that they can't. I don't think I see things always exactly how they work, but rather as how I wish they were to work. I think I have much more to learn about how things work. It seemed like if I didn't work the way I liked, I would just make it work the way I wanted. Rather than making it work the way it wanted to work. I would force it, against it's nature. Rather than learning how things work and going with that flow, I bent things to my own will. I wasn't interested enough in the natural way in which things work, I was interested in what I wanted. One cannot fully bend the will of other things to their own. Also, in forcing something to go against its own will, you create resistance against your own will. You can't actually succeed in what you aim to do. If what you want is to have a steady and dependable supply of energy and power. To establish peace, tranquility, and sound reasoning that you may depend upon. Interest in understanding is based on desire. I think you learn how to force things to work, not how they actually work, and not what they actually are, so you don't really know how they work, only how to manipulate them. The problem with desire is that it blinds you. From reason and sense. Attachment leads to irrationality, and then trouble. When we are attached to something, we are attached to how something is and how we are with it. The quality of attachment is itself irrational. It is clinging to something passionately. When what we are attached to is compromised, we become emotional, and this emotion overrides our reason, and we become unwise. We react emotionally rather than with a level head. To be compromised by emotion, is to lose sight of the bigger picture, the way things are, what is best, what is truly good. We are compromised because we are afraid of losing what we are attached to. This fear overrides our better judgement. Attachment in itself is fear of losing something, attachment itself is compromising of our judgment, even if that thing is not in present threat of being harmed. When it is in danger of being harmed, our bias is heightened. Any attachment compromises our reason. Desire and the pursuit of fulfilling desires for the sake of experiencing the fruit of the desire is attachment to how things are. When we are driven by desire, we are attached to whatever it is that we desire. Our reason is compromised by that attachment. If we weren't attached to things, we wouldn't desire them. This path of being driven by desire is a path of being bound in passion. To be wise, we must let go of attachment so that we can see clearly. So that our judgment is not compromised and we can make wise choices. 

I am so used to always trying to manipulate everything. I find it difficult often to stop this behavior. My will is so bent to dominate! Lol. I'm like Sauron going to rehab. What I kind of feel is flow instead of force, or just flow. Letting things flow, kind a however they are. ? huh. Like let things flow, let them get clean. It will turn out eventually. and just kinda..fuck it. Shit happens, I can't stop it all and it's not all my fault. Not everything is gonna be great, but I will probably get there because I'm a nut! Nuuuut!Nuuuut!

I am so attached to things being a certain way, and it really doesn't seem like it matters. So worried about how things are. Oh well! you know? This shit is just HAPPENING. Dog. Like Dog meet dog, dog? Right? Yea. 

Processing the light

 It seems that problems arise when we do not process incoming sense data sufficiently. This seems to create a back up of unprocessed data which, decreases the processing power of the cpu, which then diminishes the capability of the programs on the cpu. It seems that since all the programs are live, they depend upon fresh data to support their operation. It seems that certain programs are responsible for processing and filtering sense data as it is translated into conscious awareness. It seems that a certain health in the overall organism is necessary for these programs to function well enough to sustain conscious awareness and healthy conscious activity. Disorders in healthy functioning and balance of organic systems disrupts ability to process sensory input into meaningful data, which is the fuel for healthy and wise activity of the individual/organism. The organism must be able to process sensory input into meaningful data for the organism to thrive in it's ecosystem. Sensory input reflects the nature of the ecosystem which within the organism dwells. Without healthy processing of sensory input into meaningful data, the organism cannot successfully operate within it's ecosystem/environment. Sensory input translates into organic impulses, which are the electric messages or currents that trigger activity throughout the organism. The impulses must be processed by the mind so they can be turned into meaningful data, so that consciousness can be sustained, and the organism can intelligently operate in its environment. The organism is a conscious organism, consciousness is necessary for healthy activity. Consciousness is necessary for awareness of the dharma, which is how the organism successfully navigates it's environment. Consciousness is necessary for the awakening of the soul. It is necessary to read the terrain accurately, so as to navigate it. This universe is not a universe with organisms with consciousness, it is consciousness, that has organisms in it. Organisms are consciousness to every degree. The material universe is consciousness. Everything about this universe is consciousness, even that which does not appear to be consciousness. It is. Such is the nature of things. For the organism and the individual to sustain this awareness, their must be health between the organism and the mind. A unity of mind and body. It is the dream of darkness that the individual desires to banish, and that plagues the healthy operation of the physical organism. Organisms with a high degree of consciousness depend more on that consciousness to sustain the health of their organic systems. Unwavering focus on the dharma is necessary to sustain the longevity of the organism. The organism exists within a vast Universe that transcends both physical and mental dimensions. Both of these are truly Mind or Spirit, unconditioned being. To sustain the continual healthy harmony between organism and environment, the organism must be in harmony with the Dao, which itself is empty. For consciousness to be sustained, the programs of the individual must be harmonized with the Dao. The conscious activity of the individual must be guided and informed by the Dao. 

To enhance ones standing in health and consciousness, the individual must use Light, to create more Light. He must use programs that are grounded sufficiently enough in Light, that they create more Light. 

Programming and impulses

What exactly are impulses, and how do they relate to mental programming?

I believe impulses are born of sense desires. An impulse is a bodily current that activates the body to perform actions. They are conditioned by the interaction of the senses and the environment they inhabit. They appear subconscious to me know. Perhaps even organismal. The mind operates on programs. What is the relationship between these programs and impulses? Does the mind receive feedback through the senses? The programs of the mind are constructed out of data. Data is bits of consciousness or awareness of the Universe. It appears that Data is fragmented. Does Data depend on impulses? Does data convert sense awareness into consciousness?  It seems that the stream of awareness from the senses is subconscious at best, it is mind that turns these sensory streams into conscious awareness. It seems that the body-organism operates on instinct, the mind or intellect operates on consciousness or data. It seems that the body-organism is blind to the awareness of the mind or intellect. Whereas the mind or intellect is aware of body instinct and impulse, but not ruled by it. If a man is driven by his ego, he is driven by his impulses, if a man is driven by his mind, then he has subdued his impulses, and rules by his intellect, by his conscious awareness, which at this point is mental images. (FYI I think I am making some fundamental flaws with my assertions, I am ok with this because I am furthering my understanding...) I am not sure if man ruled by impulse and desire is a conscious man. He has a consciousness in a way, one that is less conscious that he who has subdued his desire by his conformist drive which is rooted in mental images, mental data, and the intellect. I am not what region in the human being this drive is tied to, I think it may be the solar plexus. I think this is where consciousness of the universe of the multitude resides. It seems to me that Data contains impulses. Mental programs which govern the willful activity of a man at this level are constructed of data, which contain impulses, which drive the organism to perform action. This man is governed by his intellect, what he knows, rather than what he desires, and is not yet by reason, which is a subset above intellect. Egoic impulsive desire is not enough to establish the fulfillment of the human being. The human organism and human being are participants in a much larger universe. To fully awaken to this universe we have to leave our impulse-desire bound will behind. We must join as participants the grander movement of existence. The degree to which we successfully participate is determined by the degree to which we have processed this vast solar body, which is a mental image. An image that contains organisms which contain impulses and senses. It is through our senses that we gather Data. I am not sure exactly how this works, but the solar plexus constantly and apparently instantaneously converts sense input into data which we experience as a holographic image that we inhabit. The better this mental image reflects Reality, the better we do as participants in this Universe. Which at this point is a mental universe. Here our will operates with programs that are activities that we engage in. It is important that the mental will we have, the mental image we have of the universe, composed of mental programs, accurately reflects the content of our physical organism, or else the organism and individual will develop disease. The new mental will works to distribute the bodily impulses as best as it can into its programming. These impulses include the instincts that keep the organism alive, well, and the individual ego content. These become subsets in this new will, quiet components integrated and diminished in the background. I believe the solar will has a greater capacity to fulfill the individual being. It can use a far greater degree of intelligence to behave. The physical world is a subset of a larger mental universe. It itself is mental. The solar will can interact directly with this larger mental or perhaps astral universe. The impulse-desire-ego cannot. It can only use its will to strangle the greater universe to give it what it wants, it cannot operate consciously or directly beyond its scope which seems first to be the larger mental universe that the physical universe dwells within. The solar will participates in the constructs of the mental universe as to survive, and enhance it's own being. The data it collects are constantly augmenting it's programs or activities, on an arc that is generally enhancing their quality, but specifically makes both good and bad changes. Here the solar will depends upon it's rendering of the Universe, which is improved with the processing of Data. It itself is a processing power or CPU, which is fucking hilarious and awesome. We literally have a CPU within us, and I think it dwells in and as our solar plexus, somewhere down there...lol. The Blue Conformist, is both happy participant and cold robot mental processing. The more we process this data, the more we process the image of the Universe, which I think may be Light. There isn't an unlimited amount of processing we can complete, it is finite, which is very interesting. Here we are working to create an image, that is The Image. The complete image of the Universe. Which is interesting if you have ever heard of the idea of the Image of God that is the whole composition of the universe. I think this image may be the fully awakened solar plexus. The solar plexus really being the Solar Sun, but I am still working on these ideas...When the identity of the individual expands, the reach of his programs expands. He can process data and satisfy impulses from many other beings. When his mind is able to reach out via psychic intuition he can do this from within his own thoughts. His programs have to be real enough to carry this weight. And, his ego subdued enough that this isn't just another pursuit of power. Pretty much talking about myself.. 

The conformist blue really is creating an image that works well for themselves. Having a self image that they can sustain and that sustains them, mind and body. The image is a collection of programs that compose their sense of self, which has become mental at this point. Apart of this living image is the cold dry robotic processing intellect, another part is the warmth that naturally comes from the solar plexus. The initiate here should focus on tying down their ego so they can focus on building programs that best process Light or consciousness, or mine data. It seems that here, Goodness of the Old Book is the best guide. Here, we are limited by our processing power, and lack of established reason, as well as the knee-capping of our own self-survival instinct. We need something to guide us that we can trust, in comes old religion. Morals and Faith. Here, the universe is Vast and Unknown, pitfalls everywhere, signs difficult to read. What do we do? Trust in the old ways. Common sense and Jesus. And the Commandments. I am joking and definitely not joking. I think what I often lack, where I often fail, is in Faith. I don't Believe. Where belief is truly that which summons the Solar Image. Can't hold onto faith with fear and selfishness though. Got to be a true believer. I think I want to depend on my own skill to much and I keep out life and the universal flow too much. Part of this is due to my love of independence and self-resilience. Yet, I am a self who depends and comes from God. My wisdom is His. So many things tie together to make this image. So many pieces. It seems like it is the strength of our mind that holds them all together. Our ability to integrate them into one whole cohesive model. The holes in our minds and in our thinking that hold us back. The One Light, a remedy for all blocked, clogged, or broken pathways. The link and bridge between all things. The Light is the whole image and all of its content, which is the through and through of all of the world we inhabit. What I want to do, is to sustain a strong enough awareness of this Light, the truth, that I can maintain consciousness well enough to build myself up in it, by dismantling myself in it. When I lose focus, I cannot see, and I am blind. I need to maintain focus, maintain intelligence, maintain capability. Without grasping, without seizing, with a light hold. Create room to discover this space. Utilize programs, I believe, that make this so. I can stay on top of this, I can, this doesn't mean I will, but it is possible. The main question is why do I keep on getting into so much trouble? I think I lose myself too much, and everything gets mixed up and has gotten mixed up. Self-control. Mixed with highly volatile energies. Boom!! It really seems like I have got to clean things up. Clean, clean, clean, clean, clean!!!!! and sharpen my mind so I can see through this mess and work with it. Right now its beating me down. Got to be able to cut through these nasty energies. They are working me down. Cut through them. Be able to hold it all in focus so it doesn't get away from me. Clean up, sharpen up, stand up. I have to permanently move myself into a blue space. Migrate. Which basically keeps things flowing well. Clear the flow. I want to stay connected to this purpose at all times. From sun up to sun down.  I do lose sight of it often, like very very often. I just idle or whatever. I want to clean things up so this doesn't happen. It's really hard to stay on top of things. My life is so messy. I don't know what to do about more than just waiting it out and working on it when I can...I don't like losing sight, but it just happens. There are so many variables that seem out of my control. It seems like darkness and chaos are inevitable. How do I ride this out? I don't want to give up as much, but I do. It overwhelms me then I get frightened and the world becomes not what it is. I find it very difficult to focus on what is important, yet I want to focus on it right now. It seems like I have to do other things for this to all work out. I am not sure what they are yet. Things to help me focus. To keep me energized. I am overwhelmed by the thought of what I have to do, yet I still feel like I have to do it. This doesn't feel good enough. I feel like I can meet these challenges. I can rise to the occasion, but my skills seem sorely limited. I guess I just need to shape up. Don't know how much I am gonna be able to do this week. Or the next, wish I had a better plan. It seems like my mode of time may be changing. Which makes sense. Going from moment to moment or day to day of impulsive egoic, to long-term planning of the conformist. I haven't been able to see this far clearly yet. Not what is good anyway. Kind of funny considering my age, but oh well. Some things take time. A good deal of it. I didn't feel like the plans people were making before were good, so I didn't want to make them too. Didn't like where they were going. Felt very dead to me. Very unadventurous. Very dull. But hey, they are not me, nor mine. Not my way, not my path. If anything, I am glad I set out on my own, just because I freed myself in doing that. I did something for myself, which I didn't see a lot of other people doing, not in a big way atleast. Probably projecting some. I felt like if I didn't leave, I never would. I was tired of being stuck in a cage. I still don't think people live for themselves or anyone really, they seem to live for their survival instinct. I don't think people really go for it. Yet I guess you don't have to go for it all at once.. I think most people are afraid to go out on their own. To really be themselves all the way. They hold back. I think people who even are entrepreneurs, don't. They stick to the beaten way. I don't think many people do much that is new. I don't think people get outside of the box. Which is sad, because the whole world is out there. And everything is so bottled up now. People don't know how to live, or what life is. I know this is harsh, and maybe I'm too much of a critic. I think what I am talking about, is the soul. The soul takes risks. The soul is bigger than this world. It has shrunken and withered away. It is what makes life worth living. It doesn't give a damn about how anything is done, it is looking in deep waters.  

Ponderings...

 Thinking about how to make this blog popular. I don't know if that is something that I want.. I think it is. I feel pretty good about that. I'm not quite sure how that would happen..It seems like once it gets a few solid followers, it could branch out pretty quickly.. I think this means I need to write consistently and then interact with people who comment. Which means first I need to write consistently and get into a good groove. I think this could mean having a good direction, having good development, having the thought being active and vital. Figuring out ways to branch out to broadcast more, that will naturally develop as forms of self-expression develop. So now it's about writing more. This could take some time. Like a while...for things to clear up and get steady...That's ok. Like years maybe. Maybe not. It seems like things will naturally clear up in time, while that path is very uncertain.  Seems like this process is largely hands off, albeit how it demands that I become more and more active. It seems like all of this is apart of the emptiness of being. It seems to me that the world moves all by itself, unfolding effortlessly as wind blowing through the air. I think life is so beautiful in this way. It is so open, like a crisp and cool Fall day after a night of heavy rain. No need to cling to this process, it appears to unfold all by itself, effortlessly, yet an effortlessness that includes a great deal of individual effort! Form is empty of form, yet perhaps remains form nonetheless, while emptiness may be the greatest fullness of activity. 

I think one things that depresses me greatly is feeling inactive, in not have a clear and steady direction towards good things. Not being able to see this path. I really like things clean and clear, transparent almost. Well organized. So you can see everything and how it flows together, so you can easily work with it and work through it. Clean and bright. Going from one thing to the next as needed. Yet, nothing remains worth clinging to, not even my likes. Emptiness is the bottomless depth of the stream that no object can aspire to fill. There is no hope for any lingering attachments to satisfy the thirst of my soul, save that of the draught of God which has no lasting place in this world. But, for now, it seems that the path of cleanliness unfolds before me, and I am very excited and delighted to proceed. So happy to be here in this calm clear place. To settle here among the many drifting lights. In my blue room with glass walls that let in the clear light of the Sun. I look forward to staying afloat amid the flow, steadily enhancing my integrity and capability, steadily progressing towards the fulfillment of my goals and dreams. Lol it is nice to have no dreams though, to just stand in this moment with nothing to hold onto. Nowhere to go. And not depend on anything. Just doing what seems natural. Not going anywhere, not doing anything. It seems like clinging is the death of the self.  

It is the pure emptiness of being that satisfies our feeling. 

Ego and Devotion

 Just sitting here. Having some thoughts about my ego resurfacing. About being downright bastard. I feel that I have been, and that nearly everyone is, in part a downright bastard in their core. I think a lot of us don't have the strength to face that part of ourselves. Perhaps largely rightly so, for it could consume us and our society if not handled carefully enough.  I think we do mature through this egotism, but now I think it may be dangerous to handle it without some higher guidance. I think through our mortal egoic consciousness we can discover our inner divine being, but it feels reckless to the extreme to allow it to be as it may if we have the option of also living a life guided by God. I think in lands with wide Godless spaces many unfortunately must deal with the devil before they come to the Light. I do not think it has to be so, nor is it a prerequisite that an individual  must fall into extreme darkness in this lifetime in order to mature. I think what keeps us from liberation is not lack of fulfilling our desires, but lack of wisdom. Specifically the wisdom of salvation through guidance and dependence on the will of God the Father. Now I wonder if the natural unfolding of human evolution is unnecessarily tedious, whereas the path of the devotee may be expedited It seems to me now that my infatuation with fulfilling mortal desires has kept me from clearly seeing this wisdom. Satan is the former, Reason the later. Satan belief in infatuation, Reason the wisdom of renunciation. Reason is the wisdom of God-realization and knowledge of the true nature of the universe, which is God-consciousness. This I believe in practice is the turning towards God in each moment, from the World to Him, from Satan to Light. Satan is the power that pulls us to our desires, to create more karma that binds us to the experience of our mortal consciousness in which we are separated from the universe and our source, God. This so called worldly consciousness is not limited to Earth and what is gross, it extends to any an all apparent forms in the universe, it's essence is the duality of man and environment which is and perpetuates egoic or mortal  consciousness.  This environment can be gross/material, subtle/astral, or causal, subtle light. The ego is only undone in realization of the Absolute, the transcendent beyond the World or Three Worlds. The World is truly the vast Multitude, or Maya, illusory perception of an infinite universe of separate forms. You could probably equally deem this Creation. Devotion is the dissolution of this illusion, following the wisdom of our senses and sense desires is Satan, it pulls us deeper in the darkness of the illusion that we exist in a universe full of separate competing forms. Devotion and Faith lead the realization that all is He and Him alone. He is the Father, He is Truth, Here He Is, Here He remains

We come into Creation for a time, through devotion to Him we can have lasting peace and security here amid the inherent turmoil. I believe we also come here with divine purpose, and Faith and devotion are the ways in which we carry out this purpose. 

God

 Feeling a lot different today lol...I slept well. I got into a good groove last night before I went to bed. Had some good feelings about a half an hour ago..Forgot exactly what they were...Things are always changing. It's a whole lot to keep up with. I believe in God and His power to lift us out of darkness. I trust in Him. I don't really believe in anything else. I think by noticing God and His power we can come under His protection and live in a Haven of His blessings. Wisdom in trusting in Him and being able to interpret His will. To follow it. Having the courage to do this, to fully let ourselves be bound up in His power, is the best we can do as human beings. To do so is to have true faith. To move beyond the darkness that plagues our mortal consciousness. I believe God is always Here for us, open to us, ready to deliver us from the darkness that is Sin. He is the Revealer. The great healer. The healer of our hearts. He can lift us from anything, to anything. He remains pure. God is apparently a force apart from all other force. A Will set aside. A will from the taint and limitations of this world. He is more like a vision, or our vision unmarred by our deep ignorance. He is life as it is, as we rarely see it, if ever. An alien world that is the only real world. We have faith in the unreal and unfaith in the real, believing in the power of Darkness over Light. This is a fantasy an impossibility. For as God is set apart, He truly stands alone as the sole Power in the universe. His Life and His Force. There is no real mortal consciousness, only the infinite mind of God. 

Merlin's quest to get the blues!

 Via the rational interface of an orange. This may make sense if you are familiar with Ken Wilber's work, specifically integral theory. But, I don't just want the blues I want everybody!! Not really...perhaps only integrals and higher will be interested in my work. Maybe some greens. Flirty greens. Not sure though. It would be nice to have a sharper mind. To be in a place where the veils of ignorance more easily succumb to the processing  powers of my intellect. It would be nice if this understanding scattered the winds of discord with ease. A new path, and a new way. What may I do now to curtail doubt? To establish the supremacy of my spirit and my will in this ever-changing universal flow? New mind, new thoughts, new flow. Shaping these rough hewn programs into delicately balanced landscapes, full of a great diversity of intricately and finely formed features. One landscape that has the capability to quite efficiently operate as an interface to use to navigate the real world, as real as it is. Such is the drive of the Blue conformist agency inherent in us. To create a virtual map of the universe to navigate with. The blue is by himself unaware that he deals with a map, rather than the actual world. He lives by the data of his interface. He uses the programs of his interface to make life work, to process the flow of raw data into workable and meaningful content. He is a computer, whether or not he knows it. Though a computer that is alive, has feeling, and is human. Also one open to and operates on  the spectrum of other drives that dwell within human beings. He himself is immersed in his programs, and through his programs he gains more data and his programs evolve, taking shape that as a general arch through time, more and more accurately defines and succeeds  his surrounding...

Several hours later-Blues received, sadness uploaded. delirium setting in. I think I feel pretty out of control in my life in general, even when I am doing well. Maybe this is just blues setting in. I don't feel like I have a steady sense of direction. Something I can aim at, use to hold myself up. I feel like I need something like this often while I often don't know what it is. I feel like I lost my center. Or have lost my center and never found it. I may not even be able to get my center back any time soon. I may just be able to prop myself well enough to steadily progress towards it. I like to find out what that is and how to carry myself there. I feel like I am drowning in this downpour coming down outside. I feel like the water pooling over the pavement. Spilling over it. Jesus. Heave-ho! says mother nature. I know often I feel like clinging more when I am upset, and cannot see the way because of upset feelings, still I think there may be a path missing that I can follow that is and will lead me to steadier ground. I feel like I can't see it clearly and I haven't been able to for a while. I see the edges of it. Edges blocked off by inner confusion. I am tired of waiting for it to reveal itself. I feel like forcing it out in the open. There may be need for it. If I can do it in a healthy way I would like to. I am tired of drinking dirt. It's weird because I feel present among all of this, but that isn't enough. Strange.. I always thought presence was the answer to everything. It feels like the presence isn't strong enough to dispel these human problems. How do I shine brighter? I feel like I am choking on myself. Like I am so full of suffocating on myself that I can't take anything good in to fix the core issues. I also feel dejected. I feel pushed aside from my own life, a witness rather than a participant, to a lot of nothing happening. I want to be in control, I want to be in command. I want to be able to wield this power and this force. I am tired of being thrown around. And I don't know what to do...I really don't...I feel like I don't have enough space to think or process this. So I just continue to float along. I am locked in by the work week and don't have enough time to process on the weekends so I am just stuck...at least this is how I feel. I imagine myself breaking out of it, but I wonder if I have the strength. Just think and think and think and do nothing to really fix it. I feel like I do a lot, and also very little...Self-esteem...If I want my life to be good, then I can't let it get down..At least not too much. I have to stay on top of things. How do I do this when I can barely breathe? What weak points do I have power to fix? I feel fucked up, like deeply fucked up...I feel like I am working on this...and I have been...and in ways it has improved...but it remains deeply flawed...I don't like living this way...I really don't and I don't think I ever have...It is raining buckets outside...

20 min later- Mood swing lol. Hard to know where I sit. I remember reaching a point about 6 months ago when I felt like I was falling into the new dimension I was digesting. I felt like up to that point I had been slowly letting go of something, and then it felt like I was immersed in letting go of that thing as a whole. I feel like it may have been striving...kind of also feels like the separate self as well. This goes with something else I just felt. I feel like since I have let go of striving as my core drive, I have been being filled up by something else. It feels like so much hasn't been working because I took the power source away. It has been slowly filled by selfless being, my individual being seems to have suffered the brunt of this...as it has through all previous transformations...ooooh well...

Questioning..

 Been down today. Part of me can't believe this is still happening. I guess this stems from not understanding what is happening, or why. I feel responsible for this. Perhaps I am. It sure is a lot of weight to bear. Or at least feels like it..
I have been turning in so many circles, back and forth, back and forth. From one thing to another, around and around and around again. I don't know what the answer is or if their is one. I don't know if there is a way. I think part of me may be in shadow in this moment. Part of me is hurt and angry. This part wants me to take action right now at this moment. To seize it to save myself. To seize the opportunity at least. I do not know if there is one right way. The right way seems to change moment to moment. This has been very confusing. Feeling like I am floating and going nowhere. I think it is very easy to seize upon things much too belligerently. To hold on too tightly when we are afraid. To too quickly seize a path or an idea in hopes it will lead us true. I think we have a very narrow perception of who we are and what reality is. Perhaps some greater design lies in the variety of truth that changes from moment to moment. I know when I am hurting deeply, my vison is often obscured to a great degree. In this pain clutching to anything makes sense. What is right to do here? How do we deal with these deep pains? With these chronic overwhelming hurts? Is it possible to find steadiness here soon through action and willpower? How does this variety of truth fit together, if so? Do I have any identity through all of this? I really don't know now. Need I allow myself to go through such difficulty? It amazes me how much I still don't understand. Perhaps the light is merely covered in this moment. Perhaps what I lack now is belief. What I have is doubt. What is doubt? What is pain? What if there is, is the essence of these things? What is the point of all of this trouble? What is all of this? Why is it happening? I feel like I am hurt and I am pain. Perhaps this is ok. It is ok to feel this way. I think I deny these feelings because they are so unpleasant. I deny this experience. I feel like I fall into shadow. I don't think it is possible to disappear though.. Or to leave where I am. I think I may be beautifully lost in my thoughts..and perhaps be more awake than I imagine. Even if I cannot sustain it, perhaps I am it. I don't see how I couldn't be. Or how anything could be anyway else. I don't think there is anything truly wrong with this pain. I think I am just in pain. This is just how it is. I don't know if there is one answer to all of this. I don't know if I believe in anything that I can perceive or name with my senses, save perhaps God itself. It has been difficult to access this without clinging or striving, and I feel often greatly disturbed by shadow. It is difficult not to cling in these situations..and perhaps even more difficult to see what is right to do, if such a thing exists. What is right? What is true? If all of these things are illusions...Each of them holds part of the quality of each and every other thing, for each are truly one and the same, not what they appear to be..If none of them are real and each one is in part the other, how can anyone be better than the other in an absolutely true way? If there is no absolute truth among these relative forms, then what is Truth? What is real? I think in my doubt, I doubt the legitimacy of this moment. I think it may be legitimate simply because it is. I don't think I can doubt away what is though. I can't doubt it away or change it. None of my striving can do this as well. I can't strive away what is happening. I really can't. I don't have that power because I as a separate entity do not exist. Only I as the naked happening exist. Which I don't think can go away because of anything I do. I am only deeply afraid that I will do this... I can't scare away myself. I can be very scared of myself. But I will never leave or go away. I will always be where I am. I do not have anywhere to go...Or anything I think I can gain here...Things come and go...Colors on the wall...I love not having anything, nor being anyone. I love not depending on anything, yet remaining always where I am. I love being this way...I love how beside this, I am constantly changing and how I appear beautiful in so many different ways. 

Behind the Clouds of Confusion

What is the aim of each thought? What is the aim of each intention? For what do we reach? Where is all of this going? What lies behind each feeling, each emotion? What is the final destination of each opportunity that presents itself in our lives? What lies behind every road and pathway? What song is being sung that we may faintly hear? Who is singing? 

Before all beginnings..
Where do I find myself..?
Before anything can begin?
Who am I?..

Have I ever departed this place?
Have I ever taken any step?
Who sings in the deep? 
Who is singing to me now?
What song is being sung? 
Can I hear it in my heart?

Whose voice is that of Spirit?
Whose voice is that which calls me?
What does it ask?
What is it asking?
Who am I?|
Truly who am I?

What gifts does the Lord offer?
From him, what may I receive?

All that we have is given by Him and truly is He, unborn. What we see before us is the unborn infinite kingdom of God. His dwelling behind all things. What we call our own, what we call the many belongs to no individual, and cannot be parceled up. The world we believe we live in, has no life of it's own, the part we play in it does not come from our own soul, but from the soul of God. This play of an infinite array of forms is an image projected from the transcendental mind of God. This is why when we attempt to hold onto things by our own power, they eventually disappear. This universe is not sustained by any universal substance, it is sustained by the transcendental power of God, that is His being. God appears to descend into the reality of the multitude where it appears that He sustains it by His power. In this appearance is everything that we call our own lives. The truth is that this reality has no real substance, so that there is no real substance as we know it. There is no real substance that is hidden that we can find in this reality which is not reality. Any substance we find here is illusory, this is why they say the world is sin. Reality lies beyond, or is seen by piercing through the experience of conditioned consciousness which in it's greatest scope is the entire universe of form, Reality is unconditioned Being, lying before, or after, or within, or outside of conditioned perception/consciousness, maya/sin/delusion/samsara/illusion. The truth is that reality is Reality, it doesn't become reality when we attain enlightenment, what we see as the conditioned formal universe is Reality, because reality is reality and Reality is what is real. The reality is that everything has always been Reality, even when we really really believe it is the very uncomfortable reality that we live in. Reality is bliss and being. This is what is real. It simply is how things are. Seeing this fairly clearly doesn't necessarily make the experience of reality go away. Nonetheless, I believe that Reality, bliss, being, is reality, is what is real, regardless of how we may feel about reality. This to me is the highest, most sublime truth, and this to me, is the realization that truly frees us from the very uncomfortable experience of reality that we know and dread. We dread reality because we are Reality. Our deepest wish is to express Reality fully, our human experience of reality in which we feel very very limited appears quite, and feels quite, contrary to this deepest truest place. Even so, this is it. Bliss, body, being...

Kingdom of Heaven

 The Kingdom of God is already fully established. It does not require anything from us. It is transcendentally established. Attaining enlightenment is realizing a fulfilledness that already exists, it is not truly adding anything to the quality of our being or to the universe, it is realizing the transcendent reality that simply is reality. Our personal beings experience a sense of gain and loss, of expansion of consciousness while Reality always simple is Reality. This is the truth behind, before, and that simply is. It appears to me now that all personal experience is relative truth that has it's truth in how we subjectively experience it, while lacking any substance outside of this subjective domain. It appears to me now that Reality is simply Reality, the transcendental, that truth is changeless, or beyond change, and the world of limited forms is a relative and temporary experience. The conclusion that comes to my mind from this is that among all forms, among all sentient beings, there is no higher, or lower, so that all effort for improvement is illusory and unnecessary, and the notion of self-attainment has no objective existence. 

It appears to me that the Kingdom of Heaven, is the transcendental intelligence of God that dwells forever beyond creation, the universe of limited forms, yet this universe of multiplicity is apart of the conscious intelligence of Reality. Illusion is a living part of Reality that appears as the multitude. It appears that this appearance, is equally, at least for the time being, Reality. That Reality is a formlessness that includes the pantheon expression of the formal universe. I think this is only true when one sees the transcendental kingdom of God clearly enough. For Truth is beyond limited conceptions, it is alive and known through direct intuitive perception. I think this is what makes life so magical. We can't fit it into a box and store it away. 

This being said, it appears to me now that the Kingdom of Heaven is literally a place beyond creation that we can reach within our minds, a place beyond that in the fullest truth includes the full universe of form. This is only true if it is clearly seen that the essence of form is Spirit, transcendental intelligence, and, that we are currently dwelling in the boundless mind of God. I think this makes creation just a wonderful miracle that we chance to experience. 

It appears to me that all of creation is a gem amid the infinite, a single island, in a sea of cosmic intelligence-being, and if you look away from your thoughts and out of your eyes, behold! The terrain of this island!!

The hand of God

 There is one will and one power in the universe. This is that of God. One hand in all things. One hand as all things. One movement, one power. This power is really infinity. Infinity is all things, and all things are infinity. This is infinity. At all times, this is infinity. Infinite space and infinite being. What we are, is this. What everything is, is this. There is not a thing, or a place that is not this. No where outside, no where do go inside. Nothing else but this. It holds itself together by what? Is it knowable? Is it not knowable? Can we ask any questions about it? Perhaps all we can do is recognize it. I know it does not belong to anything. It is perfectly contained in itself, a shape with what shape? Who can say? It is simply what is real and what is true. It appears that it can come and go, yet when it is apparent, it seems clear that it is always apparent, for it is how things are underneath all things. The hand that is moving even when it is not seen. The hand behind all movements that appear contrary to one another. Living swirling mist that is revealed as the nature of all form. I truly do not know if it can be known, or that if it sufficiently is an it. It seems to me that it is the sum total of everything that is equally nothing. The non-difference between existence and non-existence. Both of these seem to be limited conditioned perspectives, while if what we may call this truth is, is beyond and before conditioned. Completely beyond and, or, completely before all beginnings. Yet it cannot be viewed correctly as being separate from words, or ideas. For everything that is is equally as it as it is. All of this, the highs and the lows are it. There are no stopping points. It is spilling water that fills all gaps. Clinging. Feeling. Being. 

The power of the Lord

 Spirit has power to overcome any obstacle in the mind. Any trouble, any doubt, any fear. It can do this because all of these are illusions with no real power over the infinite incomparable power of Spirit. It is the greatest power in the universe by an infinite magnitude. Our hearts are truly anchored in it, as are our dreams. We need only to rest in it for all our wishes to be fully realized. Recognizing Spirit as supreme and allowing it it's true place in our hearts and our minds. Our ego is belief in limited power of our illusory perceptions which conjure the notion of a separate self embattled with the world. This doesn't mean that we give up self responsibility. It means we allow for a world to exist where we are directives of a higher power beyond our ordinary intelligence. Allowing this will and this intelligence to reign and recognizing ourselves as expressions and manifestations of it, those wholly dependent on it. We in truth can do nothing without the will of the Divine. Nothing done is not His or It's will. We find harmony in our lives by recognizing this reality of Divine Will. Thy Will Be Done. This is the real hidden nature of our lives and our Universe. Everything is His will, all of us are His subjects whose every move is His. This universe is really a play of His hand. Recognizing this is deliverance from the turmoil of existence among the multitude. For if God is good and Light. Then everything is God and good and Light. God's will is really infinitely wise and infinitely Good. Infinitely uplifting and wholly liberating. Moment to moment, in each and every moment. God's will is liberation from the perception that we are separate in a separated universe. It reveals what is here and now, things as they are. It ends the terror of separate-self experience by revealing the One behind and bearing all. The nature of existence is not limited, but infinite. The great lie is the reality of limited forms, not the reality of infinite being. The great truth is not that we are powerless, but that we are infinitely powerful. Infinitely capable. The Lord is thy Shepard through the illusion of a separate self-existence in a universe of limited and competing forms, and into the Kingdom of Heaven, the reality of Infinity as the undeniable sole reality of the universe. Within the chaos of samsara, the only true Guide is Christ, who carries the wisdom of the Father who art in Heaven beyond creation, the apparent universe of limited forms. God the Father is Cosmic Consciousness, the true nature of reality: Infinity. The only power here is this power. It is apparent when the veil of illusory limited perception has passed. It is all that remains.